cacafire

This is the new and improved version of Mita of the Sky. I was able to flesh out some other stuff, and the torturous part of not knowing exactly how I'm gonna do this. There's more here, and I hope you enjoy it. So... here it is...
:Begin:

Mita's shoulder blades ached, but still he continued his walk through the ancient wood. He could hear his light footsteps rustle the foliage, and grimaced in the barely audible whisper. Mita wore a long sleeved tunic, made of Kheira scale, which protected his body from poisoinous plants, and made it harder for leeches to sense his perpiration, even if the thing did cost a fortune. Finally, after many hours deep into the forest, he slid his pack off his shoulder and rested at the base of an ancient ent.


The ent shifted, groaning loudly under the massive heft of itself, and it's bark became even more knotted, as if it were preparing for pain. Mita pulled of his gauntlets, and placed a worn hand on the bark, to which the subtle ruminations that all ents wove through the air flowed into. Leaves swelled in cautious greeting.


"Hello, ent." He whispered, and rummaged through the leather pack. Subtle vibrations entered Mita's skin, conveying not hostility, but distrust. Only with rarity did the visha venture this far into the forest. The ent did not know what to make of this. "Here, have my gift." Mita's voice resonated like a guitar chord, and betrayed music in his voice. He ran his hand through his golden lockes, and gave a small chuckle when he found what he was looking for. A small vial, full of clear liquid, and cold to the touch, he held in his hand. Mita uncorked it, and slowly poured the contents at the ent's mangled roots.


Ruminations of joy came from the ent's bark, as it graciously let the elixir flow through it's bark. A trembling of rejuvenation came from the ent, and a low branch grew, stretched out with new leaves and blosoms forming. Mita smiled, certain he had helped the ent, if only a little. The vast uncharted depths of the forest echoed silence, and mita did not dare disturb it. "Ungh!" He grunted, and hunched over in pain, gripping his shoulder. The ent shuddered, saddened at the visha's sudden movement. Mita was in pain, as all vishas were; Their shoulder's ached for a reason. A thin branch slowly grew and stretched, until it touched him, a single leaf caressing his cheek.


Mita sighed when he felt the vibrations enter his cheek. He shut his eyes tight, only to open them and laugh. His hands folding over the single leaf, he plucked it off with great care. "Thank you ent." He again whispered. The ent brinned in response. "I wish I could continue to visit you. But this will be my last time." Mita looked away. The low vibrations woven through the air quickened, became more chaotic, but Mita dispelled them.


"Ahh... worry not, ent." Mita looked with earnest eyes at the amazing height to which the ent had grown. The ceiling of the forest was beyond sight, and it was only when one ventured out of it that they saw upworld: the land above. He sighed. "I cannot fool you ent, for you do not see with your eyes. But do not tell anyone of my station in life, or they will seek me out; They will hunt me down." The ent did not understand... and the ruminations ceased, a sign of not knowing what to feel.

"It's alright." He barely spoke above a whisper. Mita stood up, slinging the pack around his shoulder, and wincing at the pain. Then he made an offering to the ent, to bid it farewell in goodwill, then continued on his journey home. What forebode on his mind; what no one in the land of Kor knew of his family, the ent knew as a matter of instinct. And Mita shuddered, knowing very well that what the ent knew and could not jude, the people of his land would, if only they knew. Then a rumbling sound came from Mita's midsection, and he made a face while putting his hand on his stomach. "Ugh..." It was still several miles away from the outskirts of sokhendt, and his stomach would need food soon. Not to mention, darkness swayed over the forest, so much that Mita could hardly see, and Nightshades awoke in the forest at night.

Mita looked around, alert for any such thing, then ran, not caring what might be scared by the crunching of leaves, lest they be treated to the crunching of bones.

Rain stormed through the forest, soaking everything in it. Mita had long ago put on his cloak, fearing rain. Down in the lower forest, it was impossible to read the sky, and one only knew of rain for the ten seconds they heard the violent crashing of liquid retribution tumble down the many levels of the forest. Mita now stood slumped against a tree, his pack to his side. He kept his face down, deep under the hood of his cloak, and was lost in his own thoughts.

Mita wondered, How far am I from Sokhendt? He had been running for quite some while, and if he was on the right path, Sokhendt shouldn't be more than a mile away. But... Mita strained his eyes, tried to see through the pounding river of rain. It flowed downhill, facing him and passing him, as he felt it, but he couldn't see the path at all. He tried harder, straining his retinas to the point of blindness, but in vain; The entire landscape was but mud and foilage.


Sighing, he whacked his head backwards, feeling a small thump near his skull, and let the torrential rain flood over his face. It was completely dark, long after sunset, and a normal boy wouldn't be able to make out the nose on his face. Ah, Mita was no normal boy. "Hey!" A tiny voice squeaked. Mita's eyes fluttered open. "Why don't you watch what tree you're banging on, will ya?!"


A glowing ball of light, about the diameter of a coin, sped through the air, providing a warm glow, and flew straight up to Mita's face. Mita smiled, fascinated; It was rare to see a sprite in these woods, they all lived up... Mita's face froze. "Am I that far north?!" He cried.


"Hey, don't ignore me!" The little spritely figure zoomed up close. "You got a lotta nerve to be knocking on my home like this!" She fumed furiously, flying around like a kid hopped up on chocolate. "And you're rude, too! At least take off your hood!"


"I'd rather not, sprite." Mita made a gesture towards the canopy. "It's pouring rain." He shifted, sitting more upright. "Besides, I didn't know Sprites lived in the southern Kor." Mita baited the sprite prefectly, and she froze in the air.


"What did you say?!" She spun around in ferocious little circles. "This can't be the southern Kor!" Finally, she stopped, and zoomed back into his face, "All right, little rude human boy! I'll overlook your offense if you help me get back home!" Mita laughed, not caring to be quiet in the thundering weather. Holding out his hand, he beckoned the Sprite to perch on it.


"The walk from here to the Northern Kor is a journey of three day's length, and I do not wish my family to be worried. How will I assuage them?" The sprite said nothing, except:


"I understand your trouble, young man, but your family will be relieved to see you after three days time. So will my brother be relieved to see me. I have been traveling for quite some time, trying to get back to family as well. I rested in this tree for the night, when you came with your head knocking on it!" She smiled though, and planted a pinprick of a kiss on mita's cheek. "Please help me," She squeaked, "I'll be very gratefull to you." She flew up to her roost before Mita could say another word. "We leave tommorrow morning! So try to get some sleep, little man!"


Mita sighed. By tommorow the path will be completely gone, and apparently he wasn't where he thought he was. He shrugged, tucked his hood down, and fell asleep to the crash of thunder and lightning.

:end:

Tear it up. Badly.
-Cacafire

__________________
Critique my pieces, and I'll gladly return the favor: Mita of the sky: II, Gloving_Country, Shared Qualms(check this one out!), Gloving country-II, , Capoeira, Father and Son, Silence Come, The Lad I Knew

snorrie

I don't know. Maybe I'm the only one who thinks this sentence is clunky. I know what you're trying to say but it doesn't come right out and make perfect sense.
To me this also doesn't sound right. Persperation cost a fortune?
This whole scene seems rushed. You go from the character's determination to keep walking instead of quitting because of his aches and pains, then you describe his tunic, and finally hours pass by in the same passage and he just stops at the base of an ancient ent. It just doens't seem to transition smoothly.

cacafire

Hmm... I see your point snorrie. I was fighting writer's block at the time, but that's no excuse. I'll fix it on the next revision. ^.^;

__________________
Critique my pieces, and I'll gladly return the favor: Mita of the sky: II, Gloving_Country, Shared Qualms(check this one out!), Gloving country-II, , Capoeira, Father and Son, Silence Come, The Lad I Knew

Initiate

Everything I change or want to chat about is in blue. Comments, not additions to the text, are bolded. Stuff to get rid of is underlined.
-------

Mita's shoulder blades ached, but still he continued his walk through the ancient wood. He could hear his light footsteps rustle the foliage, and grimaced in the barely audible whisper. Mita wore a long sleeved tunic, made of Kheira scale,. which It cost a fortune, but protected his body from poisoinous plants, and made it harder for leeches to sense his perpiration. even if the thing did cost a fortune. Finally,

After many hours deep into the forest, he slid his pack off his shoulder and rested at the base of an ancient ent.

The ent shifted, groaning loudly under the massive heft of itself body, and it's bark became even more knotted fells strange - how does bark knot? perhaps - the bark grew tense?, as if it were preparing for pain. Mita pulled of his gauntlets, and placed a worn hand on the bark, to which the subtle ruminations that all ents wove through the air flowed into. Leaves swelled in cautious greeting.


"Hello, ent." He whispered, and as he rummaged through the leather pack. Subtle vibrations entered Mita's skin, conveying not hostility, but distrust. if i had my hand on a talking tree - and it vibrated - how would i know it wasnt going to eat me but just distrausted me? Perhaps be more clear how he knows - has he done this in the past - was he intimate with an ent at night? how does he know them so well? Only with rarity did the visha venture this far into the forest. The ent did not know what to make of this.

"Here, have my gift." Mita's voice resonated like a guitar chord, and betrayed music in his voice sorry it didnt make sense to me. He ran his hand through his golden lockes, and gave a small chuckle when he found what he was looking for. A small vial, full of clear liquid, and cold to the touch. he held in his hand. Mita uncorked it, and slowly poured the contents at the ent's mangled roots.

Ruminations of joy came from the ent's bark, as it graciously let the elixir flow through it's bark stop saying bark - you repeat it a dew times and it grows very evident - perhaps find diff. words or just cut out the repitive ones. A trembling of Rejuvenation came from the ent, and a low branch grew, stretched out with new leaves and blosoms forming. Mita smiled, certain he had helped the ent, if only a little.

The vast uncharted depths of the forest echoed silence silence cannot echo - for it is silent, and mita did not dare disturb it. "Ungh!" He grunted, and hunched over in pain, gripping his shoulder. The ent shuddered, saddened at the visha's sudden movement. Mita was in pain, as all vishas were; Their shoulder's ached for a reason. A thin branch slowly grew and stretched, until it touched him, a single leaf caressing his cheek.


Mita sighed when he felt it against the vibrations enter enter would suggest pain... his cheek. He shut his eyes tight, only to open them and laugh. His hands folding over the single leaf, he plucked it off with great care. "Thank you ent." He again whispered. The ent brinned in response. "I wish I could continue to visit you. But this will be my last time." Mita looked away. The low vibrations woven through the air quickened, became more chaotic, but Mita dispelled them.

"Ahh... worry not, ent." Mita looked with earnest eyes at the amazing height to which the ent had grown. The ceiling of the forest was beyond sight, and it was only when one ventured out of it that they saw upworld: the land above. He sighed. "I cannot fool you ent, for you do not see with your eyes. But do not tell anyone of my station in life, or they will seek me out; They will hunt me down." The ent did not understand... and the ruminations ceased, a sign of not knowing what to feel.

"It's alright." He barely spoke above a whisper. Mita stood up, slinging the pack around his shoulder, and wincing at the pain. Then he made an offering to the ent, to bid it farewell in goodwill, then continued on his journey home.

What forebode on his mind; what no one in the land of Kor knew of his family, the ent knew as a matter of instinct. didnt flow for me And Mita shuddered, knowing very well that what the ent knew and could not jude, the people of his land would, if only they knew. Then A rumbling sound came from Mita's midsection, and he made a face while putting his hand on his stomach. "Ugh..." It was still several miles away from the outskirts of sokhendt, and his stomach would need food soon. Not to mention, darkness swayed over the forest, so much that Mita could hardly see, and Nightshades awoke in the forest at night. repitition

Mita looked around, alert for any such thing, then ran, not caring what might be scared by the crunching of leaves, lest they be treated to the crunching of bones.

Rain stormed through the forest, soaking everything in it. Mita had long ago put on his cloak, fearing rain. Down in the lower forest, it was impossible to read the sky, and one only knew of rain for the ten seconds they heard the violent crashing of liquid retribution like the hundredth time you used this word tumble down the many levels of the forest. Mita now stood slumped against a tree, his pack to his side. He kept his face down, deep under the hood of his cloak, and was lost in his own thoughts.

Mita wondered, How far am I from Sokhendt? He had been running for quite some a while, and if he was on the right path, Sokhendt shouldn't be more than a mile away. But... Mita strained his eyes, as he tried to see through the pounding river of rain. It flowed downhill, facing him and passing him, as he felt it, but he couldn't see the path at all. He tried harder, straining his retinas to the point of blindness, but in vain; The entire landscape was but mud and foilage.


Sighing, he whacked his head backwards, feeling a small thump near his skull, and let the torrential rain flood over his face. It was completely dark, long after sunset, and a normal boy wouldn't be able to make out the nose on his face. Ah, yet Mita was no normal boy.

"Hey!" A tiny voice squeaked. Mita's eyes fluttered open. "Why don't you watch what tree you're banging on, will ya?!"


A glowing ball of light balls of light naturally glow for it is what they consist of - light, about the diameter of a coin, sped through the air, providing a warm glow, and flew straight up to Mita's face. Mita smiled, fascinated; It was rare to see a sprite in these woods, they all lived up... Mita's face froze. "Am I that far north?!" He cried.


"Hey, don't ignore me!" The little spritely figure zoomed up close. "You got a lotta nerve to be knocking on my home like this!" She fumed furiously, flying around like a kid hopped up on chocolate. "And you're rude, too! At least take off your hood!"


"I'd rather not, sprite." Mita made a gesture towards the canopy. "It's pouring rain." He shifted, sitting more upright. "Besides, I didn't know Sprites lived in the southern Kor." Mita baited the sprite prefectly, and she froze in the air.


"What did you say?!" She spun around in ferocious little circles. "This can't be the southern Kor!" Finally, She stopped, and zoomed back into his face, "All right, little rude human boy! I'll overlook your offense if you help me get back home!" Mita laughed, not caring to be quiet in the thundering weather. Holding out his hand, he beckoned the Sprite to perch on it.


"The walk from here to the Northern Kor is a journey of three day's length, and I do not wish my family to be worried. How will I assuage them?" The sprite said nothing, except: Its silly to discibre it not syaing anything and then follow with a massive peice of dialogue from the creature that was supposed to be silent - just cut this bit out.


"I understand your trouble, young man, but your family will be relieved to see you after three days time. So will my brother be relieved to see me. I have been traveling for quite some time, trying to get back to family as well. I rested in this tree for the night, when you came with your head knocking on it!" She smiled though, and planted a pinprick of a kiss on mita's cheek. "Please help me," She squeaked, "I'll be very gratefull to you." She flew up to her roost before Mita could say another word. "We leave tommorrow morning! So try to get some sleep, little man!"


Mita sighed. By tommorow the path will be would be completely gone, and apparently he wasn't where he thought he was. He shrugged, as he tucked his hood down, and fell asleep to the crash of thunder and lightning.
---------

Hope you like my changes - I just tried to make it flow better. At some points I wasnt sure if the word you used was corrrect because its morning and i dont want to pick up my dictionary! hehe. But i assumed they were correct. The story is good - although slow to begin with. If you cut some stuff out of the ent passages or just made it flow better i think it would be easier to get into. Anyway, good job!

voicesinmyhead

Initiate has already given a pretty full grammar critique, so I guess I'll just focus on the more general things. Mostly, my problem was that I didn't see quite the point of the details given. I couldn't tell what exactly you were building up to. Why do we have to know about Mita's tunic, just at the moment? How does the conversation with the ent help us? I could see how you providing background color and backstory, but it felt a bit too loose to really cohere entirely. The plot also seemed a little random, with this boy wandering through the woods and then randomly agreeing to take a three day journey with this creature that he just bumps into. Now, I know that the rest of the book may answer all of these questions, but the lack of a tight compact narrative made me impatient and not eager to read the rest.

I know that I'm being terribly harsh, and really, I was impressed at the wealth of detail and imagination that you invested creating this world. I just wanted to see a little more focus and direction on the character himself and his story.

__________________
My stories:
A Happy Story,Telling His Story,The Beaurocrat

My poems:
Satan,Orientation, For you, Sonnet to War, The Mikvah

cacafire

Your harshness is apreciated, voices. Actually, I was combating writer's block when I wrote this, and have kind of lost interest in it... maybe I'll finish it later, as I no longer have writer's block, and have a new story.

Thank you.
-Cacafire

__________________
Critique my pieces, and I'll gladly return the favor: Mita of the sky: II, Gloving_Country, Shared Qualms(check this one out!), Gloving country-II, , Capoeira, Father and Son, Silence Come, The Lad I Knew

darthwader

Definitely a big improvement. There really does seem to be more of a story behind it now.

I noticed that you tend to use the character's name a lot, usually several times in a sentence. This is a form of repetition, which personally drives me nuts, so you may want to consider replacing some of the 'Mitas' with 'he' or similar words. (and the same with the ent)

Should be off


Other than that, this was nicely written, and I enjoyed it. Nice work.

__________________

Blossom

Okay, sooooo changes are in blue and any comment I want to make are in red! (Primary colours, dontcha just love them??? )

- - - -
Mita's shoulders ached, (I got rid of the "blades". It just made the sentence unnecessarily longer, not to mention being a pretty odd place to hurt) but still he continued his walk through the ancient wood. His footsteps were light, but he could still hear them rustle the foliage and grimaced (Snorrie's right about that one. It just didn't work). Mita wore a long sleeved tunic, made of Kheiran scale, which protected his body from poisoinous plants, and made it harder for leeches to sense his perpiration, even if the thing did cost a fortune. Finally, after many hours deep into the forest, he slid his pack off his shoulder and rested at the base of an ancient Ent.


The Ent shifted, groaning loudly under the massive heft of its body, and its bark seemed to become even more knotted as it tensed (What the Initiate said), as if were preparing for pain. Mita pulled off his gauntlets, and placed a weary hand (worn just doesn't seem right to me) on the bark, through which he could feel the ruminations (you said subtle below, so try not to repeat yourself) that all Ents wove into the air. Leaves swelled in cautious greeting.


"Hello, Ent." He whispered, and rummaged through the leather pack. Subtle vibrations entered Mita's skin, conveying not hostility, but distrust. Only with rarity did the Visha venture this far into the forest. The Ent did not know what to make of this. "Here, have my gift." Mita's voice resonated like a guitar chord, and betrayed music in his voice. He ran his hand through his golden locks, and gave a small chuckle when he found what he was looking for. He held in his hand a (doesn't fit at the end) small vial, full of clear liquid, and cold to the touch. Mita uncorked it, and slowly poured the contents at the Ent's mangled roots.


Ruminations (you've already said ruminations, and vibrations, so maybe you could find another synonym to avoid repeating yourself too often?) of joy came from the Ent's bark, as it gratefully let the elixir flow through its bark. It seemed to tremble with rejuvination, and a low branch grew, stretched out with new leaves and blossoms (I ought to know about that one - check my name!! ) forming. Mita smiled, certain he had helped the Ent, if only a little. The vast uncharted (<<Get rid of one of these. The two together make it sound like you're trying a bit too hard) depths of the forest echoed silence, and Mita did not dare disturb it. "Ungh!" He grunted, and hunched over in pain, gripping his shoulder. The Ent shuddered, saddened at the Visha's sudden movement. Mita was in pain, as all Vishas were;
their shoulders ached for a reason. A thin branch slowly grew and stretched, until it touched him, a single leaf caressing his cheek.


Mita sighed when he felt the vibrations enter his skin. He shut his eyes tight, only to open them and laugh. His hands folding over the single leaf, he plucked it off with great care. "Thank you Ent." He again whispered. The Ent brinned in response (brinned? um, what does that mean?). "I wish I could continue to visit you. But this will be my last time." (If this isn't Mita's first visit, why does the Ent mistrust him?) Mita looked away. The low vibrations woven through the air quickened, became more chaotic, but Mita dispelled them.


"Ahh... worry not, Ent." Mita looked with earnest eyes at the amazing height to which the Ent had grown. The ceiling of the forest was beyond sight, and it was only when one ventured out of it that they saw upworld: the land above. He sighed. "I cannot fool you Ent, for you do not see with your eyes. But do not tell anyone of my station in life, or they will seek me out; They will hunt me down." The Ent did not understand... and the ruminations ceased, a sign of not knowing what to feel.

"It's alright." He barely spoke above a whisper. Mita stood up, slinging the pack around his shoulder, and wincing at the pain. Then he made an offering to the Ent, to say his goodbyes with good will (farewell and goodwill sound too similar and too close together here), then continued on his journey home. What forebode (doesn't sound right) on his mind; what no one in the land of Kor knew of his family - the Ent knew as a matter of instinct. And Mita shuddered, knowing very well that what the Ent knew and could not judge, the people of his land would, if only they knew. Then a rumbling sound came from Mita's midsection, and he made a face while putting his hand on his stomach. "Ugh..." It was still several miles away from the outskirts of Sokhendt, and his stomach would need food soon. Not to mention, darkness swayed over the forest, so much that Mita could hardly see, and Nightshades awoke in the forest at night.

Mita looked around, alert for any such thing, then ran, not caring what might be scared by the crunching of leaves, lest they be treated to the crunching of bones.

Rain stormed through the forest, soaking everything in it. Thankfully, Mita had long since donned his cloak, fearing such a downpour. Down in the lower forest, it was impossible to read the sky, and one only knew of rain for the ten seconds they heard the violent crashing of liquid retribution tumble down the many levels of the forest. Mita now stood slumped against a tree, his pack to his side. He kept his face down, deep under the hood of his cloak, and was lost in his own thoughts.

Mita wondered, How far am I from Sokhendt? He had been running for quite some while, and if he was on the right path, Sokhendt shouldn't be more than a mile away. But... Mita strained his eyes, tried to see through the pounding river of rain. It flowed downhill, facing him and passing him, as he felt it, but he couldn't see the path at all. He tried harder, straining his retinas to the point of blindness, but in vain; The entire landscape was but mud and foilage.


Sighing, he whacked his head backwards, feeling a small thump near his skull, and let the torrential rain flood over his face. It was completely dark, long after sunset, and a normal boy wouldn't be able to make out the nose on his face. Ah, Mita was no normal boy. "Hey!" A tiny voice squeaked. Mita's eyes fluttered open. "Why don't you watch what tree you're banging on, will ya?!"


A glowing ball of light, about the diameter of a coin, sped through the air, providing a warm glow, and flew straight up to Mita's face. Mita smiled, fascinated; It was rare to see a sprite in these woods, they all lived up... Mita's face froze. "Am I that far north?!" He cried.


"Hey, don't ignore me!" The little spritely figure zoomed up close. "You got a lotta nerve to be knocking on my home like this!" She fumed furiously, flying around like a kid hopped up on chocolate. "And you're rude, too! At least take off your hood!"


"I'd rather not, sprite." Mita made a gesture towards the canopy. "It's pouring rain." He shifted, sitting more upright. "Besides, I didn't know Sprites lived in the southern Kor." Mita baited the sprite prefectly, and she froze in the air.


"What did you say?!" She spun around in ferocious little circles. "This can't be the southern Kor!" Finally, she stopped, and zoomed back into his face, "All right, little rude human boy! I'll overlook your offense if you help me get back home!" Mita laughed, not caring to be quiet in the thundering weather. Holding out his hand, he beckoned the Sprite to perch on it.


"The walk from here to the Northern Kor is a journey of three day's length, and I do not wish my family to be worried. How will I assuage them?" The sprite said nothing, except:


"I understand your trouble, young man, but your family will be relieved to see you after three days time. So will my brother be relieved to see me. I have been traveling for quite some time, trying to get back to family as well. I rested in this tree for the night, when you came with your head knocking on it!" She smiled though, and planted a pinprick of a kiss on mita's cheek. "Please help me," She squeaked, "I'll be very gratefull to you." She flew up to her roost before Mita could say another word. "We leave tommorrow morning! So try to get some sleep, little man!"


Mita sighed. By tommorow the path would be completely gone, and apparently he wasn't where he thought he was. He shrugged, tucked his hood down, and fell asleep to the crash of thunder and lightning.

- - - -

But yeah, nice work. I'd like to see more of it and get some of my questions answered - for example: What's a Visha? Why do their shoulders hurt? And what exactly is going on??? (Hint, hint! )

At any rate, I liked it.

J.V.

Hi,
I think you sometimes over use words unneccessarily.
You use the word ancient twice in first paragraph. typo misspelling of perspiration. You use 'subtle' twice in third and fourth paragraphs and ruminations. If your not making a point with repetition then ax it.
I am not really interested in this kind of story and didn't find it too entertaining. It didn't pull me in. I don't mean to be harsh, it's just not my thing.

GradysGhost

Another repetition thing with the word "bark." My suggestion: get rid of the first one. "Ruminations of joy came from the ent as it graciously let the elixir flow through its bark."

Also, I would like more details about the truly fictional parts of the story - those things which are part of this world and no other. The Visha, why his shoulderblades hurt, that type of hide/scale that Mita's tunic consists of, where it comes from, what kind of elixir he has, why the ent needs it, what Mita has done to retrieve it. That sort of thing.

With much luck and encouragement,

Ryan

L00kbackinanger

Caca

MiloDaePesdan

Cacafire,

Better run if you bump into Tolkien purists. The whole scene about the ent and the elixir is not your own but from Middle-earth. Even the word 'ent' is Tolkienesque. They might think it plagiarism.

__________________

*Angel

yea i agree with milo. moment i read Ent, i immediatly thought LotR. i would find something else to call them, even if the word ent and talking trees werent Tolkiens sole original creation, i would just do it mainly on the basis that you probably don't want people reminiscing about other stories when they read yours