Nice, very nice.
I noticed in an earlier post you said the only book you ever read was fight club. You should try out Lullaby too --by the same author -- and if you do a google search for "Guts by chuck Palahnuick" you should be able to find a short story of his too.
I like North's backstory -- particularly the bit where he works at Game Spot. Some nice details thrown in when the zombies start to take over as well. I'm kind of hoping you'll stick around post a lot more, because I really enjoyed this.
Here's some grammar nitpicking:
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Dark circles rested beneath his blue eyes and think fur covered his face.
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think?
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When its dark, its hard to really tell who is doing what to who.
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It should be It's
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When its dark, its hard to really tell who is doing what to who.
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same again. Remember It=It is
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So when when saw a corpse walking towards us, blood dripping from its eyes, we didn't think zombie.
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repeated when
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Its suspended in air, like a firework which has just gone off, ready to expand, ready to light up the sky.
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It's
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In ancient times, cartographers used to mark expanses of unknown territory with a warning to would-be explorers: Here there be monsters.
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Here there be tygers.
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North quickly wondered through the halls, glancing around at the destruction left behind.
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Wandered. Wondered means: thought about it.
Either: she is, or, she was,
I'm
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In the back of his mind felt sorry for those kids stranded atop the bleachers.
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In the back of his min
he felt sorry
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All he knows that he ran.
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maybe and "is" after knows.
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Oh shit..." He found himself in the parking lot again. Except this time, it wasn't quite as empty. A small group of the undead had stumbled in and all congregated around his blue, piece of shit car. Apparently, they could smell him.
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I think you can lose the "all" before congregated.
p.s. hurry up and post chapter four!
