Scott Tuplin

OK, this plan is for a piece I am writing for a competition and I need to know what people think about it.

STORY

Celestial, a kingdom of rich resource, beautiful landscapes and friendly natives. Until the coming of the Great Storm nearly three winters ago. Now, women and children are disappearing throughout the land. Farms and other food resources are dead or dying. Rain is a thing of rare beauty. And the lands are swarmed with the hordes of Evil. For the natives of Celestial, life is all but over… but for one young man, a promising great Celestial warrior, life has only just begun. Refusing to accept the fate of death, Samahul, son of Samartha, sets out across the kingdom to find the all powerful Elements: Balint, God of Earth, Brietta, Goddess of Wind, Thea, Goddess of Fire and Qadim, God of Water, in hopes that they will be able to stop the Great Storm and bring peace back to the land.

HERO

Samahul, son of Samartha, is a promising young man and well-known throughout his village as a great fighter. As a boy, Samahul saw the world as his oyster, believing he could become anything. From a great carpenter, to a magnificent slayer of dragons. His perspective on life changed when the Great Storm came. Now, he and his family fight Death with fading enthusiasm to continue on living. Samahul is chosen by King Jharad to travel far across the kingdom of Celestial and find the four Elements, whose power can surely bring peace back to the land.

THE ELEMENTS

Balint, God of Earth, is a headstrong warrior of great power. His will is as tough as his arm and he would do anything for the kingdom he loves so much. It is said that Balint currently dwells in the land of Orvik, home to the deadly Wargs.

Brietta, Goddess of Wind, is a beautiful woman of loving heart and caring soul. She is not so much a warrior as a tool of war, using the winds to manipulate the enemy and tilt the odds in the favour of her army. It is said that Brietta currently dwells in the land of Marisha, where the dwarves and giants are fighting for influence.

Thea, Goddess of Fire, is a very lethal warrior. She carries Lithe, a sword of fire forged in the fire-filled souls of her ancestors, which is matched only by her short and dangerous temper. It is said that Thea currently dwells in the Caverns of Celestial, battling with a legendary Basilisk.

Qadim, God of Water, is an old wise man of few words. His only companion is Zeke, a white wolf from the Mountains of Marisha. Qadim is not a man of war, he is a man of peace, and he uses his influence over water to help people in a non-violent way. It is said that Qadim currently dwells in the land of Hirlem, taking peace from its great lakes and rivers.

__________________
Writing is a socially acceptable form of schizophrenia.
- E.L. Doctorow

Scott Tuplin

come on guys, i really need some input on this as i don't wana screw it up.

__________________
Writing is a socially acceptable form of schizophrenia.
- E.L. Doctorow

Ben

I think this looks like a really good idea. There is one thing i would change, however. .

The thing about King Jharad choosing Samahul to go off on the journey thing seems a bit.. i dunno how to explain it really. I'll try. If things are so horrible, and Samahul is so good, I think it would be better if he decided to make things better by himself. He would have already heard stories about the elements and all that jazz, so he doesn't really need a king telling him what he needs to do.

Im sure that might make sense if you read it enough times..

You don't have to listen to me of course..

Are you planning on writing this as a series?

Scott Tuplin

thats a very good point, and think it'll make the character seem more powerful. thanks for that

i was gona do it is a series, but to be valid for the competition it has to 'a novel under 17000 words' and it says nothing about writing it as a series or anything. so i've decided to play it safe and do it as one big book.

__________________
Writing is a socially acceptable form of schizophrenia.
- E.L. Doctorow

Peter Thomas

First off, this sounds like a perfectly plausible story, and I hope you do really well in the comp

Besh already pointed out the first thing I noted. One other thing, though, was the description of the elements. Of course, you're entitled to have them portrayed however you want, but Earth and Fire are almost always the 'vicious' ones, and Wind and Water are calm and gentle. I'm always pleased when an author breaks that stereotype, and turns Wind into an evil, formidable foe or suchlike.
But, as I say, it's all a matter of personal preference. It wouldn't put me off reading your story at all.

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Scott Tuplin

i was thinking this myself, but wasn't sure if it would be accepted well.

i mean, Balint represents everything a typical male wants to be. big, strong, courageous etc

and Thea is just... well... a goddess of fire... i assumed people expect that one to be flarey and dangerous

so i guess i've tried to fit their personalities with their responsibilities. so now i have a question, what would you think of Brietta, Goddess of Wind, if she was a powerful yet graceful warrior, using her small, subtle size and her influence over the winds to her advantage?

__________________
Writing is a socially acceptable form of schizophrenia.
- E.L. Doctorow

suzakugaiden

OKay, that's a nice backstory, but you didn't really post much about the actual STORY. What happens when he's out going to these places? How does it end? What characters all are there?

Scott Tuplin

thats what i'm working on now. also a map (i like to know the location i'm writing about) and a few secondary characters, such as a head dwarf for the Marisha Wars and the source of the Great Storm.

__________________
Writing is a socially acceptable form of schizophrenia.
- E.L. Doctorow