Alli C

Well, Ive posted this poem before and I changed it around a lot since I first posted it. Punctuation is screwed up I know.

I am a grid.
14 squares
put together
making a whole.

I am a squiggle.
Rebellious
difficult
Kept in line
only by the confines of my
surroundings.

I am a smudge.
A part of a masterpiece.
Shading in life's details so they
are seen as the true beauty.

I am a circle.
a neverending line of
life
love
will
trust
and sadness.


And thats it...

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Thanks Very Much,

Alli C

Nd32k3

I like all of it except I do not think that I am a squiggle goes very well. I don't know what you could use instead of that though. I think it all fits in very nicely describing whoever you are describing.

Alli C

I thought squiggle worked. Its sort of an art themed poem if you get the idea.

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Thanks Very Much,

Alli C

misterc

I thought it was good. I like the metaphors, although squiggly does sort of seem somewhat out of place. However, I tried looking for alternatives myself, and I couldn't think of any. Therefore, you win!

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Alli C

Thanks for all the insight on it! I was having a really hard time trying to make an artistic term mean rebellious.

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Thanks Very Much,

Alli C

LoneWolf

Hullo,

I liked your poem. It was new and different from what I usually read. I have to agree...squiggle sounds funny. But it is a funny word hehehe. Perhaps 'wave'? Ah well, the masses say 'squiggle', so squiggle it shall remain!

LW

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My aim is to put down on paper what I see and what I feel in the best and simplest way. --Ernest Hemingway

JohnsGyrl

Hello,

I read that you want an artistic term to mean rebelious. How about abstract or surreal?

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You are a leader and not a follower--you are the head and not the tail.

Alli C

I dont know. I want a more object-y sort of word.

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Thanks Very Much,

Alli C

JohnsGyrl

I'll have to think about that object-y word. I'm an artist as well, and I'm rackin my brain thinking about a good rebelious word. lol.

__________________
You are a leader and not a follower--you are the head and not the tail.

waylander

QUOTE :

I am a smudge.
A part of a masterpiece.
Shading in life's details so they
are seen as the true beauty.

The oxymorons: smudge/masterpiece
shade / seen in true beauty
are very effective, in my opinion.
The only thing I would have refrained from adding is the final part :

QUOTE :

And thats it...

Seems to re-anchor the poem into trivial day-to-day ordinary life...

I liked it very much.

Alli C

lmao. That part wasnt part of the poem. It was just me saying that that was the end of my poem.

__________________
Thanks Very Much,

Alli C