AverageJoe

[disc:1e38b11e0a]Adult content in poem[/disc:1e38b11e0a]

OK, I don't know beans about poetry - I've looked up tutorials and tips on Google and such (things like http://www.crossovers.net/underhill/poem.html and http://anitraweb.org/kalliope/rhythm1.html), and it makes sense.

But I also see a lot of free verse, a style which seems to have no rules whatsoever. The lines seem to break where ever they feel "right", and the work flows like an abbreviated short story with a bunch of extra carriage returns.

Anyway, the only way to learn is to do, so I wrote this piece today and post it for your amusement. I chose a dark theme since that seems to be popular here, and I'd appreciate any feedback, especially dealing with any structural problems (unless free verse makes that moot) and punctuation - the areas I know the least about.

Thanks!

I Love My Chair

I love my chair
my big oak chair
with thick round legs
and sturdy arms.

A mighty tree
that touched the sky
did they take your seed
before they cut you down?

I was cut down once
my roots held on
somehow
while the rest of me died.

Did you grow back
like I did,
never quite the same
as before?

Together now
we make things right
and they never suspect
the truth.

Their lust for me
hides the danger
and they never question
the ropes that bind.

Fastened tightly
around wrists and feet
they don’t suspect
your strength.

Their skin on yours
and mine on theirs,
I take their seed
before I cut them down.

One by one
their sharpness dulls
and we will never
be cut down again.

I love my chair
my big oak chair
with thick round legs
and sturdy arms.

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"Wanna see something really scary?"

eggo

What I know about poetry you could put in a dixie cup,but I liked it.

AverageJoe

What I know about poetry could be neatly hidden under a Dixie cup!

Thanks for the kind words!

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"Wanna see something really scary?"

AverageJoe

Thanks! And no, it's not a piece of sports equipment for southern football teams, it's THIS.

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"Wanna see something really scary?"

Dephere

Its ironic really that everyone who has commented on your poetry knows very little about poetry. Why not have another person who knows nothing about poetry compliment your writing? I enjoy the repetition that begins and ends the poem, it gives it a certain feel that I like. The imagery is quite strong and conrete. Overall I liked the poem, wish I knew more about poetry to tell you.

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Hand

In a pattern similar to that repeated earlier, my knowledge of poetry could hide in the leg joint of a millipede without being seen, and I love this poem. Send it to Pendulum. We need good poems, and yours seems to make the grade.

-Hand, Recruiting Authors Since 1299.

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Once upon a time in the future ....

salvothasock

aj,
i liked your title, liked the first and last stanzas, i was hoping for more on the chair though. you know, like it was something unexpected, but this is pretty good.
thanks

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purple junk diluted iguana infested snarkleberries hungry traveller