Imagine Parody - Writers Forum

orizinet · 03-13-2005, 06:19 PM

I am writing an parady on Imagine for English class, regarding Animal Farm (Orwell). I've just started it, and only spent about 8 minutes on it, but I wanted to here some thoughts from others before I continued. I'm not sure if this post belongs here or in the lyrics section, redirection, if appropraite, would be appreciated. I'm aware of a couple rhythym tough spots, I'll try and look at the trivial kinks later. I also need to make the refrain(s) better (they aren't all the same, as I'm sure you'll notice). Anyway, so far, my biggest dilemma is content. I haven't spent much time on it, so hopefully that will improve. It at least looks mediocre so far.
------------------------------------

Imagine there's no people
No one to zoologize
No drunken tamers
No more of Jones's lies
Imagine all of our kind
Paving their own way

Imagine all of Cowshed
It's not so hard to do
Boxer's valiant last stand
Napoleon saving you
Imagine what would of happened
If they weren't there for you…

You may not like old Moses
Well, you're not the only one

Imagine there's no conflict
I know it's hard to do
Nothing to kill or die for
And no religion too
Imagine no more Christians
Sacrificing lambs

Imagine Whymper baking cookies
I know it's very hard
No oxen dragging plows
Or driving tracks through the yard
What if Old Major just
Could have had nine lives?

You may say I'm a dreamer
Well, you're not the only one
If you would just take up arms with me
We'll make Foxwood as bright as the sun

Imagine no possessions
Even if you can't
No greed or hunger
Or bogus windmill plans
Imagine there's no scoundrels
Lying to our kids

Imagine no more vermin
It's easy if you try
No reckless crusaders
No more of Snowball's lies
Imagine all the creatures
Making their history

You may say I'm a dreamer
Well you're the only one
Perhaps one day you'll read "Beasts' Manifesto"
And then you'll see just how I've won

-------------------------------------
Thanks for your time.

crzywriter · 03-13-2005, 06:21 PM

the best way to get feedback is to crit others' work. i'll make you a promise: post an intro and crit three pieces, and then i'll be back.

~Crzy

gohn67 · 03-13-2005, 06:24 PM

I will do the same.

orizinet · 03-13-2005, 06:58 PM

Will do... I think I can comply with a quid pro quo. I'll look forward to your comments.

crzywriter · 03-13-2005, 07:39 PM

OKay, i'm back.

first off, i didnt find any major spelling goofs, so thats a plus on your side. but i did find this very confusing. i've heard the song 'imagine' before, and so i can see where you're coming from, and i've read animal farm as well. you said that you wrote this in 8 min, so i think that if you went back over it and took some more time with it, you could make it make more sense.

i know that was kind of vague, but i'm not really a lyrics kind of gal.

~Crzy

gohn67 · 03-13-2005, 08:21 PM

I said I was going to comment so I am, but I am also not too good with Lyrics. I tried to write a song once. It sucked. So I don't write songs.

Maybe the lyrics section would give you better advice. Normally Lyrics are not posted here.

If I were a teacher I would give you an A. It looks like you showed knowledge of the book and did it in a creative way. Its not really necessary to rack your brain over a school assignment. Unless you really care of course. Sorry if that wasn't much help

OT:
THe critque and advice section is really strange. I never know where to post my stuff.
I kind of think that they should just take this section of the forum out. If someone needs advice they can just go to Writing tips and advice. If they need a critque go put it in the appropriate section of the forum.