General Comments
This isn't the end is it?
Ch II- I rated a a 7.1/10. For some reason I jsut didn't get into it.
Ch III - I rated an 8.6/10 This is the best chapter by far. The dialgoue was very good and interesting.
THe Good
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“Because you’re the village elders and are named after the tree?” I shot him a hard look, doing my best to imitate Linn. He smiled nervously and added, “the tree that we owe our livelihood to?”
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I liked this alot. It makes Tom seem like a smart ass, but also that he fears them. Just alot of this dialogue was really good, and through it alot of things were cleared up.
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I hesitated. “In a sense... We can’t turn you into a frog or anything, but Linn and I can summon forces from the Earth that are beyond anything you’ve ever seen.”
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I liked the subtle "I hesitated" that you used here. You did alot of that and I found that very effective in showing the charactes emotions and feelings. Wiht out actually having to tell the reader.
Critissms ( I still can't spell it)
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“I went through your stuff, alright?
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Minor thing, but you used the word "alright" I think you need to keep the dialogue more timeless. I think "alirght" is a more recent saying.
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“Yes,” I replied solemnly. “Another village in another part of the forest was beset by some very evil people who used fire amidst the trees.” Fire was forbidden in the forest itself; it was only allowed in areas where there were no trees. ”After dispatching the unruly men—they never left the forest with their spoils,” I added, a hint of anger revealing itself in my eyes at the memory of this event. “I led the survivors here to the heart of the woods, where they’d be protected from harm. Provided they showed a little gratitude, of course.” I raised my left eyebrow.
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This paragraph was a bit hard to follow. Your quotation marks are all over the place.
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“I don’t think he deserves them!” Linnea said heatedly.
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I dont understand.
