'Tis quite good. I was glad to see another sonnet.
The only qualm here is the iambic pentameter. Remember, the beat has to be consistent, so you can't start one line on a stressed syllable (Line
and start the next unstressed. Luckily this is easy enough to fix, by moving some of the lesser words around.
Another common error in iambs is phonetic vs. dialect. For example, line 10's iamb is thrown off by "angel," because, although it's two syllables, most people speak it with one syllable. In sonnets you have to make every syllable distinct; I find it useful to read it slowly and tap my finger to the beat.
Other than that, it was very good for a first sonnet. Soon you could try to re-write this and turn the entire thing into clever wordplay.
I hope that was helpful. I didn't critique much of the content because I thought it was good.
