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Old 03-03-2005, 04:27 PM   #1
Adept Writer
 
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Michigan
Gender: Female
Posts: 880
murdershewrote2005 is an unknown quantity at this point
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A Fatal Desire

A longing, like none other
hides deep within
cowering in the shadows
of my subconscious thoughts

Like a black widow
it poisons my dreams
leaving them impure
a deep desire, trapped

Like a predator, it bites
sending waves of ecstasy
throughout my body
bearing forth hot tears

White, silky webs form
in the empty hole
where my heart should be
a deep, dark void

The evil subsides
I stop to smell the roses
darkness is light
then darkness again

The patter of a pulse
steadies in my veins
sending blood back to
my throbbing temples

The darkness succumbs
to the moonbeams
slicing through the emptiness
like a serrated edge knife

I look down at my hands
they are damp
with liquid crimson
like silky,red rose petals

It is then I realize
None of it was a dream
It was reality, like a never-ending movie
in perpetual motion...




~MSW~
j
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"If you live to be one hundred, I want to live to be one hundred minus one day so I never have to live without you." ~Winnie the Pooh~

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Old 03-04-2005, 05:41 AM   #2
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Join Date: May 2004
Location: HeartBreak Hotel
Posts: 34
Batch
Good Read...

Murder,

Very nice poem. I would tone down the use of the word "like". Even though I havent read any of your other work the frequent use of that word gives me the feeling your holding back.

Is your Fatal Desire "Like a predator" or is it "A predator"

-Batch

-Damn I am up early...
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