Romeo Must Die - Writers Forum

murdershewrote2005 · 02-19-2005, 09:20 PM

Let him love you
let him care
let him trust you
let him dare

Give him the poison
via one fatal kiss
and that "happy dagger"
shalt not miss

Listen as he chokes
watch as he dies
smile as you see
the pain in his eyes

Watch his blood
as it freely flows
watch as he dies
and the crimson pool grows

"O happy dagger"
O divine reply
push the dagger in deeper
for Romeo must die

TheUberManlyMan · 02-19-2005, 10:24 PM

Whoa. What an awesomely "evil woman in a relationship" sort of poem! And the usage of Romeo is brilliant. I also liked how in the first stanza you simply and effectively outlined the characteristics of this excessively sentimental Romeo (that's how i read it, anyways) and then wait for the very end of the poem to bring up his character again through his name. That was a rather long sentence. I hope it made sense

demonic_harmonic · 02-19-2005, 10:53 PM

the one thing i found odd here was this:

Quote:

watch very carefully

i just don't feel that it fits, like it throws off the feeling somehow.

but i'm also very bad at poetry critiques, so you don't have to listen to me. *goes in corner in shame*

murdershewrote2005 · 02-19-2005, 11:18 PM

WA LAAAA
FIXED
haha
Murdershewrote

demonic_harmonic · 02-20-2005, 12:01 AM

WHOAH HOLD ON...

how much of that did you fix???

did you fix a few lines of that?

seriously... i went from thinking it was okay to really really liking it since the last time i saw it...

murdershewrote2005 · 02-20-2005, 12:04 AM

Thanks....btw....are u a gal or a guy? not to be rude, but im not sure...

TheUberManlyMan · 02-20-2005, 12:04 AM

Yeah, maybe I'm crazy, too, but I like it a lot more now. lol. Whatever you did to it, good job!

nae411 · 02-20-2005, 12:08 AM

Murder this is excellent. Remind me not to drink anything you give me though.

Nae

demonic_harmonic · 02-20-2005, 12:08 AM

no, its not rude. most people get confused.

i can be whatever you wish to call me.

though i am female.

but yeah. i dont usually care about gender. mostly because of my sexuality and a few of my friends are trans. i think thats why people get confused...

and that was more info than you asked for.

demonic_harmonic · 02-20-2005, 12:09 AM

OH! and thats NOT my picture.

i got it from the avatar gallery.

murdershewrote2005 · 02-20-2005, 12:12 AM

lol......thanks nae....would you like some wine? HAHAHAHAHA

Btw demonic....there are certain things about me that no one, not even my family knows....relating to what you said...im sure u know waht i mean.

demonic_harmonic · 02-20-2005, 12:13 AM

yes, i think i do.

unless, like, you mean you're a giraffe or something. or a lounge chair.

alright, so tell me, what did you do to your poem???

murdershewrote2005 · 02-20-2005, 12:14 AM

i altered the line you mentioned slightly and the on under it

y????

demonic_harmonic · 02-20-2005, 12:18 AM

swear to god...

i thought you changed one of the placement's of one of the stanza's, totally altered three lines, and added some to it.

you only changed two lines? you must have some kind of magic editing powers that make you change a few words and have us believe you redid the whole thing...

murdershewrote2005 · 02-20-2005, 12:20 AM

Ahhhh....did i neglect to mention my magically gifts?lol
my mistake