deleted - Writers Forum

cyberspecter · 02-09-2005, 03:24 PM

story deleted

crzywriter · 02-09-2005, 04:23 PM

okay, liked the story, liked the plot....but nearly every single paragraph begins with "I..." that really bugged me after a while.

it was a little unclear to me for a while the reason he was so upset...i mean, there's a lot of reasons to kill someone and to feel guilty about it. i mean the suspense kept me reading, but maybe you dragged it out a little too much.

and i really hate your last line. don't know why, just do.

~Crzy

cyberspecter · 02-09-2005, 06:35 PM

Crzy,

Thanks for taking the time to read this draft:

Quote:

okay, liked the story, liked the plot....but nearly every single paragraph begins with "I..." that really bugged me after a while.

(I'll) see what i can do bout that

Quote:

it was a little unclear to me for a while the reason he was so upset...i mean, there's a lot of reasons to kill someone and to feel guilty about it. i mean the suspense kept me reading, but maybe you dragged it out a little too much.

that could be... I'll see where I might be able to cut some fat...any suggestions would be welcome of course.

Quote:

and i really hate your last line. don't know why, just do.

bummer

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