neonlights

heyy guys.... although I have been writing poetry for a long time, this is only my first attempt to publicise some of my writing... whatever u say is appreciated. cheers.

Eternal River


Across the Eternal River
No one speaks
But shadows murmur.

And three moons rule the day
In the light, only they understand.
And black water covers the land.

And they sway,
Further and further away
Looking for the Gold of my land.

Keeping it secret.
The gods have spoken
Once again.

Hunt them, find them, destroy them!
For the Gold of my land is neither yellow nor it shines
For they will not recognise it, but ruin it in the search.

I heard the woman screaming and the wail of her child
I saw death’s axe gleaming and light turning red
I saw the three moons dreaming never to return.

The one who spoke of beginning, also spoke of end
I saw the three moons mourning and light turning red
I saw the shadows lamenting and smelled cold sweat.

The three moons have stopped beaming and death’s axe is covered in red
Across the Eternal River, they all know
This is the end.

The Gold has been destroyed.

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All of us are in the same pit but some of us look at the stars..

littlebittyladybug

Wow. I like the imagery, very vivid. Though, some of your rhyming seemed a little strained, but it’s still good. I particularly liked: “I saw the three moons mourning and light turning red”, I could actually see them too…good job, and never stop writing!

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Go on... You only live once!!

littlebittyladybug

Wow. I like the imagery, very vivid. Though, some of your rhyming seemed a little strained, but it’s still good. I particularly liked: “I saw the three moons mourning and light turning red”, I could actually see them too…good job, and never stop writing!

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Go on... You only live once!!

Queasy Dillo

If you were going for the surreal and creepy I have to say you've got it here. Also, no major grammar errors. I can't speak for the rhyme parts, since I tend to read poetry like I would any short story of flash-fiction, but I liked the rest of it.

=D>

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You have not yet begun to scratch the surface of my depravity.