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Critique and Advice Works seeking critique, advice or assistance.

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Old 10-29-2004, 10:19 PM   #1
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Everyone else is doing it

Since I don't know how to delete the thread, I'm just deleting the story that was contained here. This thread is so far into the galley that hoping for more critiques is like...stupid.

Anyway thanks to all who posted.

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Old 10-29-2004, 11:32 PM   #2
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Ah! Where's the rest? How'd she die? I like this and I want to know MORE. This was just a tease. It flows nicely, the dialogue is real and I'm very interested.

Sorry, not really a critique...but I just want to hear the rest of the story...I guess that goes for something...no one wants more of crap...so it must be good.
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Old 10-30-2004, 06:43 AM   #3
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asdar
No criticism here either.

That was a great story, and well crafted.

Well, one very minor thing that didn't detract at all from the story.

This paragraph,

Quote:
It was nearing the time that if she left now, she could still make it to class on time. But she made no movement from the wall she standing against except to send an anxious look down the hallway. He was usually here by now. She knew because she was usually there waiting to get a glimpse of him.
This paragraph is a bit sloppy. You started a sentence with But and I think you forgot a 'was' in "...she standing...


I thought it was wonderful, and wouldn't change a thing of substance in the story.
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Old 10-30-2004, 09:35 PM   #4
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Thanks for the feedback. It's extremely helpful to get another pair of eyes looking at the story and catching the mistakes. I'm encouraged to continue revising it. I actually wrote the whole episode but am now going through it and pinning down the story line, fleshing out the characters etc. I will continue to post as I go along at least until my website is ready to go.

Thanks again
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Old 11-03-2004, 10:18 PM   #5
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See the first post.

Thanks
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