alyssajns24

Here is what I have so far.. It is bits and pieces i guess the prewriting stage right now..anyone have any advice on where this should go? I put lines where the will be more added...it is just bits and pieces!


Where else but Las Vegas can you see and hear Elvis with every turn of a corner? We had just finished watching a magic show and we were leaving the theater when we saw a lounge act setting up. I love lounge singers, so I talked my mom into watching him for just a few songs. Phil Shane was a regular act in the Celebration Lounge at the Tropicana. “GREAT BALLS OF FIRE!” mom yells as she dances her way to the table. Mom was very vocal that night, she requested many songs some of my favorites. I knew one thing about my mom, she loves strawberry daiquiris, so I snuck to the bar and came back to the table with the biggest daiquiri she or I had ever seen! She works on her drink for about five minutes or so, making sure she doesn’t miss a drop. “Blue Suede Shoes!” she yells as she slurps her last gulp of strawberry colored whipped cream from the glass. “Wow, mom do you want another?” I asked, already knowing the answer. “No!” she said, “well OK one more!” I chuckled to myself while waiving for the waitress to come over.
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I look over at her and I see nothing but pure joy. I don’t think I have seen her that happy since she saw her grandchildren for the first time. I was happy! I was so amazed that I noticed things about her that I had never noticed before. I found out that night that my mom has a wonderful voice, she likes to sing along with the music and that her eyes glisten when she is happy. I liked seeing my mom that way.

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We finish up our drinks and decide that four hours of Jerry Lee Lewis tunes and bad Elvis renditions are enough to last us both a life time!

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“I triple dog dare you to do a cartwheel through the sprinklers!” I shouted at the top of my lungs. To my surprise, she agreed hastily and took off running toward the sprinkler. While chuckling out loud, I screamed, “Mom!” “I was just kidding!” and before I could run to catch her, her feet are in the air and her shirt is almost around her neck. After juggling her body through the air, she ever so gracefully lands on her behind. I fell immediately to the swampy grass laughing so hard that I thought I would split a rib. “What are you thinking?” I said while engrossed with laughter. After laughing until I could take the pain no more, I run to her side to help her out of the grass. We finish our journey for that day and begin a whole new journey together not only as mother and daughter but as friends.
What would I have said if someone would have told me my mom would be my best friend when I got older? I would have said they should seek psychiatric attention immediately! But I have come to realize that my mom is a person just like me -she has the same fears and vulnerabilities as I do. After this wonderful time with my mom I have learned to appreciate her in so many different ways. I am definitely grateful to have her as my mom!

Judy

I finished your section, which means I liked it well enough to keep reading, which is a good thing. Is this fiction? Where do you want it to go? Will it be a short story, a short-short, a novella, novel? In this one page you seem to have finished your idea. Nothing wrong in that unless you want a novel out of it. Readers need a question in their minds to pull them along into the deeper parts of a novel. Right now, our questions are all answered: Mom likes to drink, the daughter thinks that's funny, they are best friends, the end. If that was your intention, you did a good job.

alyssajns24

Thank you!!!


This is an essay for comp 1. It is not all there yet..LOL that is why the lines are there... I basically just wrote what came to my mind about that night. It has to be 3-4 pages long and that is about a page and a half. I really appreciate your commments thanks so much...

alyssajns24

Epiphany Lounge

Where else but Las Vegas can you see and hear Elvis with every turn of a corner? Mom and I had just finished watching a magic show. When we were leaving the theater, we saw a lounge act setting up. Mom had been to Vegas quite a few times before but she never stopped to watch a lounge singer so; we decided to have a seat and listen to a couple of songs. Phil Shane was a regular act in the Celebration Lounge at the Tropicana. We sat through the first two songs still doubtful that we would enjoy this. After the third song, we started tapping our feet and humming along but by the fourth song mom gets up and hollers, “GREAT BALLS OF FIRE!” Mom was very vocal that night; she requested many favorite tunes from her youth. She loves strawberry daiquiris, so I snuck to the bar and came back to the table with the biggest daiquiri she, or I had ever seen! She worked on her drink for about five minutes or so, making sure she did not miss a drop. “Blue Suede Shoes!” she yells as she slurps her last gulp of strawberry colored whipped cream from the glass. “Wow mom! Do you want another?” I asked, already knowing the answer. “No!” she said, “well OK one more!” I chuckled to myself while waving for the waiter to come over. We both ordered another enormous daiquiri. Mom holds her empty glass in the air while motioning toward Phil and yells, “WOOO HOOO you rock!” He politely replies, “Well thank you ladies, you rock too!” She got the biggest kick out of that, she kept saying, “WE ROCK! Phil Shane said so.”

About half way through my second drink, I look over at her and I see nothing but pure joy. I don’t think I have seen her that happy since she saw her grandchildren for the first time - I was happy! That night I noticed things about her that I had never noticed before: She has a wonderful voice, she likes to sing along with the music and that her eyes glisten when she is happy. I liked seeing my mom that way. After breaking out of my gaze, I hear whole lotta shakin’ goin on. Phil Shane, who neither looked nor sounded like Jerry Lee Lewis, was performing it. He somehow had that certain oomph to make him just as great as the original. He had hair like Elvis, a pelvis like Elvis and only stood about five and a half feet tall, but his voice was strong and exciting! He had won her over by swaying those hips back and forth and round and round. We finish our drinks and decide that four hours of Jerry Lee Lewis tunes and bad Elvis renditions are enough to last us both a lifetime!

We weave our way through the mass of noisy dinging metal. “STOP!” Mom shouts. She stops in front of this new electronic Wheel of Fortune slot machine. It grabbed her attention screaming by screaming, “If you play me, you will win!” It is hard for us to walk by the slot machines when they call to us from afar. We run to it in hopes of winning our futures on every next pull. Nevertheless, it is time to leave, so we reluctantly leave the machine disappointed, fearing the next person will sit down and hit the jackpot on their first pull. We had that same discussion every time we got up from a machine. While on the other hand, we hoped we would be the person who would hit on the machine right after they left it. That was almost our strategy when it came to slot machine playing. We make our way to the exit fifty bucks less in our pockets but as giddy as two schoolchildren at recess.

The sun shone bright that day as it always does in Vegas, we could feel the rays beating on our foreheads as we walked to our hotel. Water sprayed from sprinklers saturating the forest green grass below it. After thinking how cold that water could be I blurted out, “I triple dog dare you to do a cartwheel through the sprinklers!” To my surprise, she agreed hastily and took off running toward the sprinkler. While chuckling aloud, I screamed, “Mom!” “I was just kidding!” and before I could run to catch her, her feet are in the air and her shirt is almost around her neck. After juggling her body through the air, she ever so gracefully lands on her behind. I fell immediately to the swampy grass laughing so hard that I thought I would split a rib. “What are you thinking?” I said while engrossed with laughter. After laughing until I could take the pain no more, I ran to her side to help her out of the grass. We finish our journey for that day and begin a completely new journey together, not only as mother and daughter but also as friends.

What would I have said if someone had told me my mom would be my best friend when I got older? I would have said they should seek psychiatric attention immediately! However, it came to me in an epiphany that night in the lounge what my relationship with my mother was to be - My mom is a person just like me -she has the same fears and vulnerabilities as I do. After this wonderful time with her, I have learned to appreciate her in so many different ways. I am definitely grateful to have her as my mom!