Deadally

Reflections of My Journey Into the Mind

Part 1

If I were to look on the ethereal haze of my mind, I fear that I should be assaulted by the thoughts of fear, anger, joy, and eccentricity that I can feel swirling inwardly, but all of these ponders keep me awake at night. At all times they pound against the inside of my skull, and if they are not allowed to escape the confounds of my head, then I shall surely explode. Therefore, I, Dr. Charles Namtrah, Veterinarian, shall enter my mind and investigate the situation.


I braved the border guards of my skull and entered the vast conclave of my brain. I saw a myriad of colors swirling about in what appeared to be long strands of stringy gel. I had entered the vast city of thought, and somewhere in this place I knew that I would find my answers and any memories seemingly forgotten. I still do not know why I came to this sudden realization for sure, but perhaps it was seeing the huge number of strands. It seemed possible that everything was just so cluttered that I could not recall certain memories at will. I saw no buildings, but I could not help but notice that the mass of strands floated as if suspended in an invisible gel. Everything moved so smoothly and slowly that I couldn’t help but stare in awe of the wondrously cavernous void. I thought of what a contrast this made against the usual picture of the brain with its repulsive gray matter, and suddenly the whole environment claimed a slightly gray hue, and the mass of strands began to shudder and stir disjointedly. Fearing that I had agitated the mass, I began to walk away slowly when I noticed that an orange strand was flying out of my head into the humongous conglomeration. Before I knew it, a red strand flew at me and lodged itself into my leg, a red tail still dangling out. The mass of strings began to circle and swirl violently, forming a giant circular, shimmering portal. I felt myself unable to think of anything as the portal projected an image.


I was walking on my wooden deck seeing the yard I remember during my childhood, the one with the nice apple tree (though I hate apples) and the acre of nice grass. I could not see well over the railing, for I was only two feet tall. I saw a bird and excitedly tried to get my two-year old legs running so that I could go out and pet it. As I reached the edge of the deck, I heard my mother yelling out for me, surprising me and causing me to fall off the structure onto the ground. When I opened my eyes again, I was sitting in the hospital with a cast around my leg.

The portal disbanded, and I was left standing in wonder. I noticed that the string in my leg was wriggling excitedly. I stood watching the strand for a while and decided to try pulling on it; however, I found that I could not touch it at all. My hand passed completely through the little flagellum. It was a strange feeling having a thought lodged into my body, but the unique feeling quickly shot to waves of searing pain. It felt as if the bone had been shattered inside, gouging my muscles and blood vessels. I tried desperately to grasp the wretched thing, but my hands could not touch the ghostly strand. Small red strings were flying out of my head, and the rainbow stirred again. Three other strings, a red, a blue, and a black, began an assault upon my body. I used whatever power I could imagine to try and repel the strings, forcing the blue back first as I sent it bouncing off of my invisible force field. I was not quick enough to stop the black from lodging into my side. As I forced the newest red strand away, the portal was already back to convey another memory.


Rick and I were playing with water balloons in the back yard on a clear, sunny day. I had just gotten pelted by his masterful aim when I saw my mother standing in the doorway to the house. She was crying, and through her muffled sobs she told me that my father had died in a plane crash on his way to the business trip in California.


The memories of my dead father broke me from my stupor-like watching of the portal and drove me to the ground in tears. A long blue strand flowed from my head as I thought of my innocent father being brutally engulfed for nothing that he did wrong. I desperately tried to force the black strand out with my will, but the pain from my leg and the sadness vastly overpowered my ability to concentrate. I laid in my sorrow, quite content to remain in this state for the rest of my life. Unfortunately, my mind saw fit to let loose a rapid-fire assault of strands of more colors than I could imagine. They seemed desperate to attach to my physical self to inject their essence into me. Through tear-stained eyes, I noticed that many of the strands were not just one color. They were mingled with others to form hybrid memories, and they moved much more slowly than the mono-colored string, so I focused my attention on repelling the pure-colored memories. My sheer force of will managed to force many of them back just as the hybrid thoughts decided to shoot at me with lightning speed. I couldn’t count how many of them were lodged in various places on my body, and a swirl of memories appeared with unearthly speed and clarity. My first love breaking up with me, hearing for the first time that sad piece of music which has haunted me all these years, failing my first college test, my first kiss, being held underwater by my older brother, seeing the sunrise at the ocean, the night I walked home alone in the dark and saw the shady drug dealer, the first major disaster I ever saw, standing up to a bully for the first time, the pain of sunburn for sitting at the beach too long, my mother doctoring up my black eye from the first time I ever stood up to a bully, and saluting the flag for the first time all seemed to meld into one compound memory, and I wondered at the marvel of the mind for being so powerful as to project such images with so much clarity. Just as the last of these memories finished, a rush of feeling exploded in my soul, and I felt my body life for a moment as I flew backwards as if a bomb had just exploded in front of me. I fell to the floor of my mind.

I realized as I came to that I would not be able to handle so much feeling at once. I thought that maybe I would not have the strength to expunge these thoughts, but I also felt that these thoughts had a considerable containment problem. So I sat, pondering and watching the green and blue hybrid thoughts pour out of my head like water. I decided that if I don’t find a way to alleviate the dilemma in the void, my thoughts would surely riot and kill me outright.

I pondered so long and hard that I did not notice a mass of the strands coalescing into a much different form, and I suddenly beheld a dimly lit corridor that extended two ways to reveal a door on one side and a window on the other. I decided to take a step toward the door just in time to see it explode, revealing an armor-clad knight walking toward me. His armor shone with a green tint, and the massive executioner’s axe glinted in the flickering lights. Naturally, I decided to turn around and head for the window. My heart raced as I ran for sanctuary, and I smashed into the window pane at a run and a jump. The shattered glass shards fell all around as I dropped toward the ground. Thankfully, a mattress was waiting in the grass to break my fall, and I heaved a sigh as I closed my eyes, wondering how this scene could have ever been concocted. I had never seen a place like this in the real world. As I opened my eyes and saw the glint of the great axe, I realized that my mind was desperately trying to destroy me and not just trying to get me to leave outright. Unfortunately for my assailant, I caught the handle of the axe before the blade could reach by neck, and I forced the monstrous man back. The brute seemed to recoil in fear of my newfound strength, unsure of its plan of attack. I stood up and stared at the knight as he gripped his axe and shivered restlessly. I smirked and blinked deliberately, thinking deeply, when I reopened my eyes the blade of the axe shattered just as I had imagined it. The knight stood confusedly looking at the bare stick in his hands before he hurled it at me in desperation. I closed my eyes and willed it not to be, and as I reopened my eyes, no stick was flying at me. I held an outstretched arm toward the knight and closed my eyes while pouring thoughts out of my being. I looked once more, and the knight, the mind’s attempt to cut me out entirely, was no more. I stood and stared as the environment around me dissipated back into in formless mass. I gained the impression that it was trying to concoct another insane vision, but it obviously could find no more nightmarish visions to show me. I shouted in triumph at my mind, encouraging any further wrath it could muster.

A strand caught me by surprise as I celebrated and lodged itself into my throat. I did no see the color of the string, but I could certainly feel its presence. My heart sank as the shimmering portal reformed and would force me to remember again...

End Part 1

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