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Ink Slinger
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Vancouver, Washington
Gender: Male
Posts: 3,210
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The Untitled adventures of Otto (obviously needs a new name)
[an:5f266f89f6] It's pretty long for one post I suppose, but I'm going to do it anyway. Any suggestions for a title are appreciated. Grammer would be helpful (except for the intentional "mistakes" in my footnote) as always. And of couse you general opinion of it. (is it boring, cliche`, just stupid, or is there an actual positive side to it?) Thanks in advance for anyone who reads this ^^.[/an:5f266f89f6]
God that light is taking forever to change, thought Otto. Otto wasn’t a person of any particular importance. That fact stung more then ever that day- the day that he’d been laid off. How could they lay him off? He’d been answering their telephones for months. He sighed. It wasn’t that he liked the job- he didn’t. It was just that he’d been planning to quit after he found a new job. Now he had to find it sooner. It put him in an awkward financial situation.
The light eventually turned green and, as usual, Otto proceeded to cross the intersection. He remembered his dying thoughts as he crossed it. A really annoying song came on his radio. He never could understand what the lyrics were.
Spike, on the other hand, simply thought of a word that would be better left unsaid. He never noticed the light had turned red on him. Instead, he noticed that he was driving straight into the side of a blue sedan.
The sedan never stood a chance. Spike’s diesel pick-up truck was too big. You may be interested to know that Spike was charged on vehicular-manslaughter and was sued by Otto’s parents. This, however, is not Spike’s story.
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As Otto gave his last breath, he felt a sense of freedom. He felt light and free from the world. It wasn’t long until he realized how right he was. He glanced down and saw a sedan and a pick-up smashed into each other in an intersection. Is that my car? he thought. No, it couldn’t have been. His car was blue, not gray. Then again, everything around him was gray and just a bit hazy.
It was about that moment he realized he was flying. Unfortunately, he was unable to enjoy the experience. “Mister Turner,” a voice said. “First name: Otto?”
Otto turned and saw a skeletal figure with a scythe floating right next to him. Although that was pretty freaky by itself, what was really strange was that he was wearing blue overalls. “Are you-“ Otto began.
“The Grim Reaper?” the figure finished for him. “Yes, once again my reputation precedes me.” He sighed. “Really wish I had a nicer name, though. The Angel of Death doesn’t know how lucky she is,” he mumbled.
Otto stared at the Grim Reaper blankly. The Grim Reaper looked back with his empty eye sockets. “What?” the Grim Reaper asked. “I know you weren’t expecting to die today but-“
“Die?” Otto asked.
The Grim Reaper gave another sigh. “The Angel of Death has it easy. Her clients usually are expecting to die.” He then addressed Otto. “Listen, I come to guide people to the afterlife if they died violent deaths. In this case you died in a car accident. Which according-”
“But-“ Otto tried replying.
“I know it’s hard to accept, but we’re going to get through this,” The Grim Reaper assured Otto.
“Wait…” Otto said thoughtfully, “I thought that I could get out of death if I beat you at a game.”
The Grim Reaper gasped and then roared, “What sort of nonsense is this?”
Otto shrugged and said, “It’s what all the stories say.”
The Grim Reaper hit his head with his bony palm. “The crap I put up with,” he muttered. “All right, fine!” he said after a short pause. “What game are we playing?”
Otto thought carefully about which game he was best at. He quickly thought of his uncanny flexibility, and an idea surfaced in his head. Finally he said, “Twister.”
“Twister?” The Grim Reaper said thoughtfully. “Nope! Neither of us have a mat to play on.”
“Darn,” Otto said thoughtfully. “Perhaps checkers?”
“Do you have a board to play it on?” asked the Grim Reaper.
Otto sighed. “No,” He answered.
There was a long silence. Otto observed the emergency vehicles arriving to clean up the wreckage and offer aid. Otto knew it was too late for him. Suddenly the Grim Reaper suggested, “Well, I have a coin. Or, of course, we could play paper-rock-scissors.”
Otto sighed, but realized it was probably for the best if it was luck rather than skill that determined his fate. “Rock-paper-scissors then,” he said. “One round.”
The Grim Reaper nodded. “Paper-rock scissors it is.” They both formed fists with their right hands and began. Unfortunately, they had a dispute concerning which came first: Rock, or paper?
“Oh for crying out loud!” Otto shouted. “Does it really matter?”
The Grim Reaper looked insulted. “How rude,” he proclaimed. “Of course it matters. These games need to be structured. We need rules and we need to follow them strictly. If we start to discount this rule the very fabric of paper-rock-scissors will crumble. It may seem harmless enough, but once we start breaking one rule, no matter how trivial, there’ll be no end to it! And once paper-rock-scissors crumbles, society will be-“
“Okay!” Otto shouted. “We’ll do it your way.”
The Grim Reaper gave as much of a smile as he could without actually having flesh. “I knew you’d see it my way,” he said joyfully.
Again, they started their game of paper-rock-scissors. “Paper…” they said in unison, “Rock… Scissors…”
Otto clenched his hand into a fist for rock. He was delighted to see that the Grim Reaper had formed his hand into scissors. Otto let out a howl of joy. “I won!” he shouted. “That means you have to bring me to life!”
If the Grim Reaper had flesh on his face, he’d probably have scowled at Otto. Instead he just sighed and said, “I didn’t think I’d actually lose.”
“But you did,” Otto said. Then for effect he added, “Skeleton boy!”
“Well,” the Grim Reaper said awkwardly, “This is new.”
“Who cares!” Otto said. “Just bring me back to life.”
“Yes, well that’s the thing,” The Grim Reaper began. “I’m not allowed to send you back. According to Rules of the Dead, page-“
“What!” Otto yelled. “I beat you. You have to send be back. A deal’s a deal.” There was a brief pause. “Well?” he asked.
“I’m thinking, I’m thinking,” The Grim Reaper said. He then swore. “I bet the Angel of Death never has problems like this.” He paused and thought again. “Aha!” he said. “I can’t send you back, but I can bring you back to
life in another world.”
“But I want to go home,” Otto muttered.
“Well,” the Grim Reaper offered, “Would you rather be dead?”
“No,” Otto admitted.
“Besides, you could always find other ways home from there.”
“Right,” Otto said in a defeated tone. “So, where am I going?”
The Grim Reaper once again did that eerie smile-thing. He then floated over and grabbed Otto’s arm. “Come with me,” he said. His scythe swung in front of them, opening a portal. Otto took a last glance at his home world before being pulled through the fiery rift.
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On the other side of the rift was a lounge. It had a water-fountain, a couch and even a television. Almost everything was a plain white. Even the flowers were white. “Nice TV!” Otto said in awe.
“Thirty-inch, flat screen, plasma,” he said happily. “Picked it out myself.” He then got to business. The Grim Reaper motioned to the couch. “Sit!” he commanded.
As Otto sat down, The Grim Reaper began searching through his several pockets for the TV remote. Otto used the opportunity to get a better look at the Grim Reaper. He noticed that he not only wore blue overalls, but a red shirt and a pair of dirty boots. He almost looked like a stereotypical farmer. Almost, but the fact that he was a skeleton gave him away.
“Aha!” the Grim Reaper said, satisfied that he’d found the remote.
He turned it on only to hear, “In a galaxy far, far away-“
“Wrong video,” the Grim Reaper said as he hit another button on his remote.
“Are you looking for a relaxing vacation of fresh air and sunshine?” The TV said as it showed a stunning picture of a beach under multiple suns. It then changed to an exotic looking jungle and said, “Or perhaps you’d prefer an exotic vacation full of adventure and-“ at this moment the picture became distorted and the voice was drowned out by an annoying static.
The Grim Reaper sighed. Otto turned and said, “I’m not going on vacation-”
“Yes,” the Grim Reaper said, “I know, but that was going to show you places you could live. But the stupid tape is broken. It's probably because the Angel of Death watched it too much. She always gets vacations.”
Otto said nothing. After a while the Grim Reaper said at last, “Oh well, I think I know just the place to send you.” With out warning he used his scythe and made another portal. “Come on!” he said to Otto.
Otto simply shrugged. He once again stepped through the fiery portal. He felt he had noting to worry about. After all, he was already dead. What else could happen?
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In the future, there would be legends of the events that transpired during the war of Melon. The battle itself had very little to do with melons. It was only called that because that was the name of warring country. For ten years the rebels had been fighting against the Melonon Empire.
The Melonon rebels were different from most rebels for a number of reasons. The most prominent being that they didn’t know exactly why they wanted to rebel. The other difference was that they resolved to fight a fair war.
The two leaders were in the middle of the field of tall grass. “There!” pronounced the Royal General of the Royal Imperial Army. “The sun is directly above us. Now can we begin the battle?”
The Grand Rebel Leader of the Rebellious Rabble (as named by Melonon historians) quickly noted his troops in the east and the Imperial army in the west. He then noticed that the battle wasn’t fair. “No!” he cried out suddenly. “The sun will be directly in your eyes within hours.”
The Royal General’s eyes widened. He then asked, “What do you think we should do?”
The Grand Rebel Leader then exercised the brain that had made him famous. “Well obviously we don’t want to fight in the dark.” The Grand Rebel Leader mused thoughtfully. “And who knows when the next overcast day will be.” It was true; it rarely got cloudy this time of year.
“I got it!” exclaimed the Grand Rebel Leader. “We’ll rotate our troops so that they’re in the north and south instead.”
The Royal General smiled. “Of course!” he said. “It’s so simple.” They both returned to their respective armies and began to order their troops to move. After a few hours, they had finished moving them. This is where Otto came back in.
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As you may recall, Otto was pulled through a fiery portal again. He was surprised to find himself in a windswept field. You probably know which one. What really threw him off were the two groups on either side of him and the absence of the Grim Reaper.
One of the groups was poorly organized yet wore armor dyed green and red. Oddly, it reminded Otto of watermelon. This was the Royal Imperial Army.
The one that was opposite (in the north if you must know) wasn’t quiet as color coordinated. In fact, their individual outfits didn’t match. However, they were assembled into a crescent shaped formation. This, of course, was the Rebellious Rabble.
Obviously Otto didn’t know who they were. Nor did the Melonons know who Otto was. They did, however, think they knew who he was. They all began hushed whispers. The weird hat with a blue and green bird on it, the black, short-sleeved shirt, the finely cut hair; it only could mean one thing in their culture. It was Ottonis!
The Royal General approached slowly and addressed Otto in Melonon. While often times this would be a problem for Otto, the universe(s) work to create wonderful stories. Because of this, Otto heard it in his own American English. He was; however, a bit annoyed that the voices didn’t match the movements of their lips. It was like being in a poorly dubbed foreign movie
“Greetings mighty Ottonis!” he said. “We see that your arrival comes before our battle. Why are you here? Do you frown upon the bloodshed of your people?”
“Err…” Otto said uncertainly, “Yes.”
“Forgive us, mighty Ottonis, for we did not know,” The Royal General said. He then bowed down to Ottonis. “I will take all the blame for our wrongful actions.”
“Umm… Okay?” Otto said it in a clearly confused tone.
There was a long silence. Otto didn’t say anything out of confusion while the Melonons said nothing out of fear of his dreadful wrath. “What will be my punishment?”
Otto shrugged. “I don’t know? Why are you asking me?”
This really startled the Melonons for several reasons. The first reason they were shocked was that they noticed his voice wasn’t matching his lip-movements. That passed once they realized that lip movements were things that were unnecessary for a being of such divine power.
Perhaps you’d be more interested in the other reason they were startled. The fact that he acted, of all things, humble, was a very strange, new revelation.
“You’re Ottonis, the Judger* of Souls,” offered The Royal General. “What is your will?”
Otto was pretty quick witted and quickly realized they thought he was a god of some sort. He was also smart enough to know not to let a good opportunity be passed up. “Take me to your food. I’m hungry.”
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Nearly a century ago, there lived a Melonon philosopher. His name is a bit hard to pronounce, but it was similar to the name Eugene. Therefor, we shall call him that for your convenience.
Eugene wasn’t necessarily smart. His intelligence wasn’t greater than the norm. What made him such an interesting man was his ability for noticing obvious things that others overlooked.
Eugene “discovered” many things, but his most famous observation was this: Any time a religious or spiritual figure arises, somebody will always try to kill him. Of course, this doesn’t address what happens if the figure is a woman. Unfortunately, that was overlooked by Eugene (ironic, isn’t it?).
If you’re anything at all like Eugene, you’ll most likely have realized how this all relates to Otto. Otto did not. In fact, he wasn’t even aware of who Eugene was. And that made sense. After all, Otto was an American and Eugene was a Melonon.
However, a palace servant named Kira was aware of Eugene’s work. That was odder than it seems at first glance, because not even Melonons usually knew about Eugene. If they had, perhaps things would have gone differently.
Perhaps Kira was interested in Eugene’s work simply because she thought in a way similar to Eugene. She too noticed things that were often overlooked by others. It was very fortunate that Kira was assigned to serve Otto, but we’ll go back to that later.
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Life was good when people thought you were a god, Otto decided. What Otto didn’t know was that there were downsides to being a religious icon, because he didn’t know about Eugene’s work. More importantly, he didn’t know about the disgruntled merchants.
As usual, the merchants were unhappy largely because of money. Strangely, this tied into the legend of Ottonis, which was known to them, but not too Otto (who everyone thought was Ottonis).
Ottonis was said to intervene in events that he disfavored. To the Melonons, this appeared to be the case with the rebellion. This caused the rebels to stop rebelling, electing to try political means to separate, while the Melonon government tried to find and solve the problem causing to separatists to basically be separatists. Granted that was a difficult task, considering that the separatists themselves didn’t know why they were.
That may seem fine, but there was a twist in the situation. Normally, when Ottonis intervened in an event, he would just punish some people and then leave soon afterwards. Otto had been there for a week, and because “soon” didn’t mean the same to Melonons as it did to American politicians, “soon” had long since expired. The fact that “Ottonis” had lingered could mean only one thing to the Melonons: Judgement Day approached, and Judgement Day meant the end of the world.
Most people had nothing to worry about. Ottonis asked for just a bit of honesty, kindness, and a general understanding of the people around themselves. If you did that, you’d go to Heaven.
However, merchants had two problems with that. One problem they had was that honesty, kindness, and understanding were not their strong points. For many, they weren’t points at all.
That wasn’t so bad for the merchants, except for the fact that they couldn’t take their money with them to Hell. So naturally, the merchants wanted to kill him. Just as Eugene predicted.
Nobody was alarmed by the merchants’ obvious desire to kill Ottonis though. They simply looked down (or in the vain merchants’ opinions, up) at the merchants for their blasphemous ideas. After all, Ottonis was a god (or so they though) so they didn’t need to do anything about it.
There were, however, two people that knew that “Ottonis” wasn’t really here. One wasn’t worried about it simply because of ignorance. The other, who did know about the disgruntled merchants, was worried… sort of anyway.
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As we just told you, there were two people that knew the truth about this so-called incarnation of Ottonis. Obviously, one of those two people was Otto. You may also have figured out that the other was Kira.
Unlike Otto, Kira knew about the disgruntled merchants. Would Kira sit back and let the merchants destroy the one whom they believed would rob them of their money and the world they robbed it from? Of course not! There really wouldn’t be much of a story if she didn’t do something to aid Otto.
And she had her reasons to help Otto. She disliked her job at the palace. She got little pay and less thanks for it. Except for the day when she was assigned to deliver lunch to Ottonis. Otto “Ottonis” Turner had said a thoughtless, “thanks.”
Despite the fact that Kira had deduced this man wasn’t truly Ottonis, she couldn’t help but admire what appeared to her as kindness. Of course, to Otto saying, “thanks,” was just a habit caused by his American upbringing.
However, seeing as how Kira didn’t know this, she felt that he deserved a fair warning. It was obvious he knew nothing about the merchants. He was believed to be omniscient, so therefor nobody bothered to keep him up to date on current events… or past events for that matter.
Watching him give his spiritual speeches showed this, as they were all useless analogies and similar stuff that in truth were stolen from fortune cookies.
But Kira felt she needed only to warn him. It was his own fault for duping the Melonons into thinking he was a god.
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Dear Wannabe God,
I couldn’t help but notice that you are not really a god. That being the case, I think it’s only fair to warn you that merchants are attempting to kill you. Seeing how you’re supposed to be omnipotent, your many followers will probably let them try.
Best Wishes,
Kira
PS: I really appreciate your kind words… okay, word, of thanks.
The letter was found placed at Otto’s bedside when he awoke. He was able to remain calm. Obviously, he needed to get away from here.
But where would he go? He quickly abandoned that useless train of thought realizing that he knew nothing about the geography of this land (or even of his own world) and therefor couldn’t think of anywhere to go.
Oh well. He’d just have to wing it. It worked for him throughout middle school while giving presentations, so why not now?
He stepped out his door. Already he was faced with a difficult decision. It was one that plagued even the greatest explorers. That decision was: left or right?
Otto decided to use a time-tested technique often used to get through mazes. He decided to follow the wall on his right until it led him out.
It led him in a circle. Otto shrugged and did the same thing to the wall on his left. It also led him in a circle. Otto swore.
Eventually Otto just resolved to wander the halls aimlessly. A few servants moved aside for him, awed by his omnipotence despite the fact that it wasn’t really there. Eventually, he found a window and realized he was on one of the perimeter walls.
Now he could follow the perimeter and get out. This time, it worked. He reached one of the many exits. As he walked out, an event transpired that later became perhaps the most important event in Melonon religious history.
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“Ottonis?” the left guard asked. “Where are you going?”
Otto was startled but quickly tried to make a comeback. “You dare question my unquestionable authority?” he asked.
The right guard’s eyes widened. “You’re right! He questioned you.”
“I did, didn’t I,” the left guard stated.
“This means that your authority is not unquestionable,” the right one said. “For if it was, my friend here would have been unable to have questioned you. And quiet clearly, he just did.”
Otto realized that his god-like status might easily slip away.
“Now hold on just a minute,” the first guard said, “Why didn’t we notice this before. After all, if he were unquestionable, wouldn’t the merchants just have to accept that they were going to hell and that their money would burn to ashes there- or perhaps not go with them at all? Instead, they question his right and wish to kill him despite the fact that he’s omnipotent.”
“Why, I do believe you are correct!” the second one said. “That really doesn’t seem that logical, does it?”
“Indeed it does not,” the left guard said.
Otto opted to get out of there before he lost anymore status. He’d need it to get out of here. “Well, I really must get going. I have to do, well you know, god stuff.”
“Wait!” the right guard called to Otto as he walked off, “Do you mind me asking what exactly does a god do?”
“Isn’t that obvious?” the left guard said dryly. “He’s the Judger of Souls, Ottonis, he judges souls.”
“I know that, but how exactly does the process work?”
Otto eventually got out of their voice range. He sighed in relief. Unfortunately for Otto, he walked right into the middle of the market. Obviously, not the place he should have been.
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In a universe (or multiverse, if you prefer) that is infinitely large, it’s impossible for every possible coincidence not to occur. So, in fact, it’s impossible for a person named Otto, who’s name just happens to be similar to Ottonis, to appear with a hat on. And it’s impossible for the hat not to have what would be a Seahawk logo to any American, while at the same time being perhaps the holiest symbol in Melonon culture.
It’s also impossible for the speech of both parties not to be “dubbed,” in sense, so that they could understand each other, therefor making a much more compelling story, full of dialogue and comunication.
So as bizarre as these events likely seem to you, you need to stop thinking that these events are impossible. Because in fact, it’s impossible for these events not to be occurring somewhere out there in time and space, or perhaps in another universe.
So next time something happens that you think is impossible, say perhaps someone getting five aces in poker without any wildcards, don’t simply claim that your opponent is a cheater. Instead, simply realize that it’s not only possible for them to draw five aces in a deck that contains only four, but it’s impossible for it not to happen- while at the same time impossible for it to happen.
With that better understanding of the universe/multiverse, perhaps you can now understand that the next events can, will, and have already happened. As far fetched as it may seem, it’s the cold, hard truth.
Oh, and before we return to our story about Otto, it’s important you know an additional truth. If the world seems to be against you (or Otto *hint hint, wink wink*), it probably is. After all, it’s impossible for it not to be against you… while at the same time impossible for it not to be not against you. Never mind. This is probably confusing more people than it’s helping.
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Back on the first day Otto stayed with the Melonons, they gave him a weird tasting piece of bread. Otto couldn’t quiet put his finger on it, but it just tasted wrong. So naturally, he threw it away. And every Wednesday the garbage-man came to pick the garbage up.
At first glance this information seems a bit trivial and bland. However, there is more to this bread than is at first realized.
Every time the garbage-man came, he would grab the sacks of garbage and take them to his cart. He was old now and it hurt his back to do this. Poor garbage-man could barely carry any more. When he picked up the sack that contained the bread Otto threw out and tried to walk, it broke his back.**
This was all Otto’s fault. That bread added just enough weight that it broke the heroic garbage-man’s back . Because of this, a great and powerful warrior was forced to become the garbage-man. This warrior owned a goat . However, because of his new placement as official garbage-man, he was forced to sell his goat to a merchant.
While this seems innocent, and yet at the same time depressing for the warrior and his beloved goat, it’s far from it. Otto soon learned that even simple things, such as throwing away your bread, could have terrible repercussions.
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It’s strange how one moment you can be on a street that is almost completely desolate and at the next moment finding yourself in a crowded marketplace.
Thinking quickly, Otto removed his hat hoping that the merchants there wouldn’t notice him. It seemed to work, for the most part. People he passed made way for him and gasped in awe, but the merchants had only suspicions that he may have been in their midst.
He was nearing the edge of the market when he spotted something shiny on the ground. He bent down and saw that it was like a rock. It gleamed like soapy water, but it otherwise felt like an ordinary rock. He pocketed it and continued on.
Just as he reached the road out of the market, a goat wandered over to him and tried to bite his hat. Annoyed at the goat’s unsavory appetite for his hat, Otto placed it safely on his head.
He instantly realized his mistake, but it was too late. What he did not realize was that it was his fault the goat was even there to begin with.
Blue hats were not common in Melon. And Seahawk hats were out of the question because, unless you were Ottonis, it was sacrilegious to wear a hat with the green and blue bird on it.
So naturally, the merchants assumed that Otto was Ottonis. In the sense that this was the man posing as Otto for the last week, they were right. In the sense that he was literally Ottonis, the Judger of Souls, they were wrong. Either way, they were going to kill Otto.
“It’s Ottonis!” shouted the goat’s new owner (he bought it from the warrior that became the new garbage-man). The commoners quickly backed away, waiting to see if Ottonis would smite the merchants with his holy smiting powers.
The merchants, however, quickly grabbed their weapons and began to surround Ottonis. “You may be a god,” one said, “and therefor un-killable, but we’re just desperate enough to try anyway.”
Oh well, Otto decided. After all, he’d already died once so he knew death wasn’t all it was hyped up to be.
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Somehow, Otto had fallen to the naïve, optimistic idea that death would be the same in Melon as it was in America… and the rest of the Earth for that matter.
It wasn’t. The Melonon Grim Reaper actually liked the idea of being evil. He constantly unnerved people by using his power to create music that followed him wherever he went. And it wasn’t good music. It was the cheesy music you often hear in bad horror movies.
To make it worse, he often said things like, “Oblivion is at your doorstep!” thinking it had some sort of deep meaning, when in fact, it really meant nothing at all. Nobody ever bothered to tell him that though because they were always more worried about being dead and the coming meeting with the “Judger of Souls.”
He was also arrogant. He insisted that he was the ultimate presence in the Universe when the truth was that he was an underpaid employee of a larger, more elegant force.
He also liked to force his opinions on other people despite the fact that he didn’t have that much evidence to support it. Yes, It was not a good experience to say the least. And it really would shock Otto after having met a nice, kind Grim Reaper on Earth.
Fortunately, Otto was spared from this terrible experience.
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The disgruntled merchants began to close in on him. Otto looked about again for an escape route, but found none. Things were beginning to look grim for Otto. Things were looking a bit less grim for the Grim Reaper, who always enjoyed the thrill of being evil and taking the soul of foolish mortals.
But suspense is futile. You already know he gets saved from meeting the Grim Reaper and going to the Judger of Souls. Going is the key word.
The merchant that owned the goat tried to stab Otto. But before he could, a green and blue tinted aura encircled Otto. Nobody was surprised. The color scheme matched the colors of Ottonis, and seeing as how they thought he was Ottonis, they were sort of expecting this.
Otto was not expecting it however. The energy spiraled around him, gathering into what appeared to be a solid blob. The Melonons stood wide-eyed with awe. Bad move on their part, because the blinding white flash hurt their eyes.
After blinking a bit, they were able to regain their vision. They all gave silent, astonished gasps. Standing where Otto used to be was the form of an old man clothed in a dazzling array of blues and greens. No two feathers were exactly the same color.
The old guy addressed the masses. “You fools!” he said, “Judgement day isn’t coming for at least a few hundred more years.”
The merchants were happy about this and expressed this by simply saying, “Well that’s a relief,” and other things that happy merchants say. The others, to be honest, were a bit disappointed about this.
“What have you learned from this?” The old man asked.
Nobody said anything for a while. Eventually one of the merchants finally said, “We should selflessly use our money for kindness?”
The old man scowled. “No,” he said. “That would be stupid. It’s your money after all.” He paused. He then smiled. “Goodbye!” he waved his hands and Vanished in a puff of blue smoke.
Theologians would later debate what the old man, whom they determined was Ottonis’s true form, meant. Everyone else debated whether theology was a valid field of study. That, however, is a different story.
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The deranged old man was Ottonis just as the theologians suspected. Not really saying much as it was kind of obvious. By now, the nagging question of what happened to Otto is probably surfacing. Now this is a spot where some real suspense can be used. Isn’t this exciting?
Did Otto disappear forever in a puff of oblivion? Or did he somehow transcend all his fellow mortals and become Ottonis? Had he truly been Ottonis all his life without even knowing it?
It would make an interesting story if that was the case, but it wasn’t. Ottonis was intervening on behalf of a semi-guilty conscience. Ottonis was acting on behalf of the Earth’s Grim Reaper.
After sending Otto to the middle of a large battle, the Grim Reaper felt that he had seen the last of him. But after a while, he began to feel guilty about doing this. He wished he could fix it, but what could he do? Otto was already dead, right?
Of course it turned out he wasn’t. Ottonis, the real Ottonis that is, had contacted God and told him that one of his annoying creations was prancing about pretending to be him. So the Grim Reaper was sent to go fetch him. The Grim Reaper was sort of relieved to find that this “prancing fool” was Otto Turner.
So he had Ottonis swoop in and save Otto. Ottonis was at first very unreasonable about this. But when the merchants tried to kill Otto, he had to intervene. After all, to his followers that event to would signal the death of Ottonis. And that wouldn’t benefit him. So once again, Otto found himself face to face with the skeletal harvester of souls.
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“Did I die already?”
“No,” the Grim Reaper said in answer to Otto’s question, “But you were going to. I had Ottonis save you.”
“Why?” Otto asked.
The Grim Reaper replied, “To be honest, I felt guilty. I thought you were going to die when I sent you to the middle of a battlefield. When I discovered that you lived, it seemed to me like a second chance. So here I am.”
“So you’re going to send me home?”
The Grim Reaper gave a very blunt, “No.”
Otto frowned. “Then what are you going to do with me?” he asked.
“Do you ever do anything besides asking questions?” the Grim Reaper said.
“I don’t know, do I?”
“Never-mind.” The Grim Reaper then got down to business. “I’ve decided to send you to a land full of magic. With all that magic and stuff it’s impossible for there to not be somebody who can send you home.”
“Isn’t that breaking the rules in a way?” Otto asked.
“Would you just stop with the incessant questions? They’re wearing on my nerves.”
Otto raised one of his eyebrows. “It’s an expression! So what if I don’t really have nerves.” Otto rolled is eyes. “Whatever,” the Grim Reaper said. He then swung his scythe and opened another fiery rift. “Here. Just step through. Things will take care of themselves- I think.”
“Are you coming with me this time?” Otto asked.
“Sure, sure,” the Grim Reaper said hurriedly. “I won’t be able to stay with you very long, but yes I’ll go with you this time.”
So they both stepped through the fiery portal. Venturing into a land of chaos, prophecy, and a few contradictions.
*Some of the more grammatically precise. You’ll notice “Judger” is not a word. You’ll also notice the sentence fragment. For the others, who may consider themselves grammatically challenged, just don’t worry about it, you won’t even notice the comma splice in this sentence! Or the annoying usage of punctuation. You won’t notice the other fragment either.
**Many people would claim that it’s impossible for a garbage sack to break someone’s back. See the previous section for clarification on why this happened.
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Bobo the Goat
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