Twiddler

It hasn't really gotten to the actual fight part yet, but it's gettin there, soon.

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Suddenly, glass flies everywhere as the chair side window explodes open, causing Rasheem to look over, shocked. What he saw, he did NOT wish to have seen. The creature had hands that looked like large, many-fingered butcher knives, and more mouths covering it’s body then you’d hope to find in a bingo hall, each one filled to the brim with razor sharp teeth. Then, there were it’s eyes, which looked more like large, glowing, bricks, and were probably made of some type of mineral, like brimstone. As the creature jumped up through the broken windowpane, Rasheem realized three things; one that the creature had legs and would probably, in a matter of seconds, be right beside Rasheem and breathing down his neck, two, the creature had no genitals, which meant that it probably wouldn’t hurt much if Rasheem ever had the chance to try and hit it down there, and three, that he, Rasheem, was bloody damn well screwed.

Rasheem looked down at the straps that kept him tied to the dentist chair and, in hopes that it might help him out of his current situation, started head butting the straps, in the hopes that they might break. They didn’t, and he was, still, screwed. Rasheem wondered, to himself, why such a foolproof plan had failed. Possibly because of the fact that Rasheem didn’t actually hit the straps with his head, but, instead, had only gotten halfway before pulling his head back to a straight up position. Rasheem risked a sideways glance at the creature, which had just finished brushing some glass off what could only be called its knees, before looking back down at the straps and trying to ignore the sounds of choking in the air.

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More to come from this scene later on.

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Twiddler & Elemental_Emissary, Writing Forum's "Laurel & Hardy"

"No...I am not a god. I just happen to be very handy with a blowdryer."

- Omar Fradoo.

Eiji Tunsinagi

I liked it. Good description and what-not.

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"nothing is perfect, nothing lasts, and nothing is finished."

"how will you go about finding that thing the nature of which is totally unknown to you?"

Twiddler

Damn....I haven't even gotten to the funnier parts, and people are ALREADY loving it. Man...I am GOOD!!!

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Twiddler & Elemental_Emissary, Writing Forum's "Laurel & Hardy"

"No...I am not a god. I just happen to be very handy with a blowdryer."

- Omar Fradoo.

Chris

Humility is one of the writer's greatest attributes, don't forget that.

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"...Biting my truant pen, beating myself for spite:
Fool! said my Muse to me, look in thy heart and write. - Sir Philip Sidney

Eiji Tunsinagi

I dont think theres any humility needed.

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"nothing is perfect, nothing lasts, and nothing is finished."

"how will you go about finding that thing the nature of which is totally unknown to you?"

Twiddler

In desperation, because he still thought that the sheer power of his forehead impacting with the leather straps could actually break the bloody things, Rasheem jerked his head forwards in an attempt to actually hit the leather strap. Again, no luck, as his turban flew off of his head because of the sudden forward movement. To Rasheem, it was as if time slowed, because an Abethian without a turban wasn’t much of an Abethian at all, and all that was going through Rasheem’s head at THIS point, was the fact that he had to save his turban. As it fell, Rasheem managed to catch it on his foot, and then breathed a sigh of relief as he stared fixedly on the questionable headwear resting on his foor. Unfortunately, it wasn’t there long before Rasheem saw it disappear from off his foot.

(More coming soon...)

__________________
Twiddler & Elemental_Emissary, Writing Forum's "Laurel & Hardy"

"No...I am not a god. I just happen to be very handy with a blowdryer."

- Omar Fradoo.

Twiddler

As he slowly tilted his head upwards, Rasheem noticed that one of the creature’s mouths, probably as a result of having jumped through the broken glass window earlier, seem to not only be leaking blood like a water faucet, but it also seemed to be coughing up small pieces of glass. It didn’t seem like the injury had affected the creature, or the rest of the mouths. It was almost as if the mouths weren’t controlled by the creature, but that they had a life of their own. It was as if the creature was a prison tower, and the mouths were prisoners, their hands slipped through the iron bars of the tower side window, looking and hoping for a way out. It scared the bloody hell out of Rasheem.

(It's gettin there very slowly...)

__________________
Twiddler & Elemental_Emissary, Writing Forum's "Laurel & Hardy"

"No...I am not a god. I just happen to be very handy with a blowdryer."

- Omar Fradoo.

Twiddler

Bump

__________________
Twiddler & Elemental_Emissary, Writing Forum's "Laurel & Hardy"

"No...I am not a god. I just happen to be very handy with a blowdryer."

- Omar Fradoo.

MisterRaziel

Needs editing. I'll say that right off the bat. You're flip-flopping between the past and present, and some of the sentences could use some polish. That struck me right off the bat.

Second, it's pretty good. I'm feeling a little bit of the tension, but I'm not really on the edge of my seat. Perhaps things will pick up as the scene goes on?

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Grizzled veteran of the console wars.