Memerys of 3erd grade - Writers Forum

greggb · 08-07-2004, 03:16 AM

Hi all. At the risk of totally embarassing myself (to a degree that I may never be able to show my face here again), I'm going to post something I wrote a few days ago. I was in a strange mood and for some reason this came quite naturally to me.

I'd just like some feedback as to whether or not it's entertaining. I know this is something not everyone will appreciate... it's possible no one will appreciate it. But there's only one way to find out, so here it goes.

.................................................. .................................................. ...

Ah looking back on 3erd grade. I liked 3erd grade. It was my favirit grade, I liked it becase I had Misses Tomson for a teacher and she was nice and smart and she tot us a lot of things that was important and she was not bad looking for a middle egged women neither.

There was Maria in 3erd grave. She was nice and pretty and she had blond hair that stretched down to her sholders that ended in blond curls right on her sholder. Ah Maria. I liked her and she was my first crutch. 1 time Kody called me out side and sed “hey dont yu think Maria is fat” and I sed “ya she might be a little plump butt I still think she is pretty” and Cody sed “ya she is kind of pretty but I think she is fat”. When Maria got in to hi school she got skinny again and got a boyfriend, he was older and not in scool any more and the dokter told her that she cood not have kids so they was not using protekshun and she ended up having a kid and I think it was a girl they named it Norma Jean or maybe it was Nancy?

There was a boy namd Chris or maybe it was Buck butt he came in later in 3erd grade and got a desc next to me and it turned out his burth day was on the sam day as my burthday and he liked Maria to and he played with her after scool a lot and one time they was havin a sno ball fight and he broked her arm. She did not hate him for broking her arm and she got a cast and let all of us 3erd graders sine it accept she let him sine it first and he sined it first with a garganchuus marker that was way bigger than all of are names.

Ah there was Marsh in 3erd grade and he was pretty funny and he got his name on the bored a lot for doing things that was funny. One time he farted so lowd in the class that it sounded like there was a thunder storm rite in side of the room and it also made him tip his desc over his fart was so power full. I and a bunch of us laffed at Marsh and Misses Tomson also wrote my name on the bored for laffing at Marsh. After she sent marsh to the princeapools office she pooled me a side and said “I wrote your name up on the bored because you shood not be incooragin him to do stupid things while with in the class” accept she did not use those words to tell me to stop incooragin Marsh.

There was a girl named Suzie that was a 3erd grader in my class. Suzie was nice and sort of pretty accept she had short hair that did not go down to her shoulders and was not curled becus it could not have curls. Suzie was very short and very small, I dont thinke she wayed much probibily only 20 pownds wich is not very much for a 3erd grader. Marsh liked Suzie and 1 time there was sum ones burthday party and Marsh was invited and so was Suzie and Marsh told Suzie not to furget condums accept Suzie didint know what condums was and we asked Marsh what condums was becus we was cureos what condums was accept Marsh did not know what they was neither.

Ah then there was Jenifer and I think she had a bad crutch on me becuz 1 time Breezy came up to me and asced me if I wanted to be Jenifers boy frend accept I liked Maria in sted so I told Breezy that I was not redi for a relatunchip yet and that I did not want to be Jenifers boy frend accept that didint stop Jenifer because one time I was on the swings swinging very hi and Jenifer came up from behind and pushed me and when she tuched me it scared me because she was not saposed to be my girl frend and not be pushin me on the swings so I fell out of the swing and scinned my chin reli bad and I had to go to the office and they spraid this crap on me that stang very bad.

Ah then there was Scotty. He was a different burd and he wanted to be a sientist when he growed up and after scool he practussed at being a scientist. There was a 3erd grader girl named Christeena Pies and sometimes we called her Christeena Cowpies anyways Scotty and Christeena always fot. One time he called her devil woman and Cristeena went up to Misses Tomson and sed “Misses Tomson Scotty called me devil woman” with tears in her eye. Misses Tomson sed “Scotty you shood not call names and aspecally you shood not call Cristeena devil woman and for calling Cristeena devil woman I am putting your name upon the bored” accept Misses Tomson did not say it like that. Misses Tomson did put Scottys name upon the bored and put a chek by his name because what Scotty did was so bad. I have not hurd but I think that Scotty and Cristeena got married becuz it seems like there was sum tension be tween them.

There was a 3erd grader named Josh and I liked Josh and we was frends when we was at scool but not at home becuz I did not no his fone number. One time Josh and eye made up a song that had is name in it it went “Josharoni the Sanfransisco treat”. It was ment to be like the ricearoni song on t.v. accept we did not no the words to the rice song so we just sed “Johsaroni the Sanfransisco treat” and that was all. The uther 3erd graders liked the song and wanted songs with there names in it like wice so Josh and eye made up songs with all of there names in it as wel. We made up a song for Marianne that goed “Mariannearoni the Sanfransisco treat” and wen we sang the song the hole class laffed accept this made Marianne cry and wen Marianne cried Misses Tomson got mad and sed “OK no more songs with pepils names in them and such” accept Misses Tomson sed it a little different then that and then Misses Tomson put are names on the bored for using Mariannes name in the ricearoni song accept she did not put cheks buy are name becus what we did was not that bad just kind of bad.

Ah, the memerys of 3erd grade. It was a good grade and I still remember it just like it was tomoro.

bobothegoat · 08-07-2004, 04:34 AM

well, for starters, it's either third or 3rd, not 3erd...

Quote:

Ah, the memerys of 3erd grade. It was a good grade and I still remember it just like it was tomoro.

This line was priceless though

.

MisterRaziel · 08-07-2004, 06:10 AM

I beg you, spell check your goddamn work! It's so hard to take something seriously if it reads like my little sister's AOL profile. Even if it's not meant to be taken seriously.

bobothegoat · 08-07-2004, 06:14 AM

But you still have to enjoy the last line

. "I still remember it like it was tommorow..."

MisterRaziel · 08-07-2004, 06:16 AM

I thought that last word was "tomato".

But now that I know how it's supposed to read, that line gave me a chuckle.

Spudley · 08-07-2004, 06:35 AM

Hehe. I may be wrong, but I suspect that the people complaining about the spellings are missing the whole point here....

Deadally · 08-07-2004, 11:30 AM

Yes, it's obvious he TRIED to misspell as much as possible... read his upper paragraph

greggb · 08-07-2004, 11:34 AM

Hi all, thanks for the replies, though I'd still like to get some advice as to whether or not this is entertaining. Would you read my "Memeries of the 4rth grade" story if it came out, or would this one be enough for you? Just wondering if this is worth continuing.

Quote:

I beg you, spell check your goddamn work! It's so hard to take something seriously if it reads like my little sister's AOL profile. Even if it's not meant to be taken seriously.

"It's so hard to take something seriously even if it's not meant to be taken seriously."

I'm going to file that one in my quote collection.

Deadally · 08-07-2004, 11:44 AM

Irg, upon actually reading (

), I have come to the conclusion that the misspelling was over-the-top, and you should tweak this style...for instance, I highly highly doubt that anyone can misspell the word "crush" because it is phonetically adequate, y'know? It's spelled exactly the way it sounds. The trick to funny misspelling is to pretend to make honest errors, like onist airers

Basically, spell more phonetically, right?

Overall, the story was...bleh, kinda drawl, but the style is something different, indeed!

MisterRaziel · 08-07-2004, 03:32 PM

... hmm... that sentence did seem pointlessly tautological. Let's just call it even for "I remember it like it was tomorrow."

Now that I'm operating of a good night's sleep, I'll say what I meant to say: There's an art to writing like a kid. It's not bad spelling or bad grammar, it's the feel of it. That, and the way it is now, it's almost unreadable.

greggb · 08-07-2004, 05:18 PM

OK, I admit that there are a few flaws to the way I wrote this. I don't disagree that the intentional misspelling is over the top. The only question I'd like to have answered, and I repeat myself for the 3rd time, is "Is this at all entertaining, or is it just plain dumb?" because I really don't know.

And if you can, please try to answer this question from the point of view of someone's who's not a writing purist. I mean someone who doesn't walk around in has fancy bath robe all day toking on a pipe saying "cheerio", or however you spell that.

Thanks in advance, and I can take whatever your answer is,
Gregg

MisterRaziel · 08-07-2004, 11:24 PM

In answer to your question, it was alright. I wasn't chuckling out loud, but I was able to mug through the illegibility.

bobothegoat · 08-15-2004, 01:30 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by greggb

OK, I admit that there are a few flaws to the way I wrote this. I don't disagree that the intentional misspelling is over the top. The only question I'd like to have answered, and I repeat myself for the 3rd time, is "Is this at all entertaining, or is it just plain dumb?" because I really don't know.

And if you can, please try to answer this question from the point of view of someone's who's not a writing purist. I mean someone who doesn't walk around in has fancy bath robe all day toking on a pipe saying "cheerio", or however you spell that.

Thanks in advance, and I can take whatever your answer is,
Gregg

I'm not sure that anyone does the bath-robe routine... Myself, well I don't even have a bathrobe (maybe I ate it

), cheerio is breakfast, and I don't smoke

.

Anyway, the story held my intrest, but then at the end it left me confused and wondering "what's the point?" anyway, just my thoughts.

bobothegoat · 08-15-2004, 01:30 AM

sorry, double-posted...

greggb · 08-15-2004, 02:00 AM

Hi Bobo, thanks for your reply. The point to the story is that there is no point. I tried to portray an idiot who just wanted to tell a story, for no particular reason.

The manner in which the story is told is supposed to make it funny enough to hold a reader's interest, and hopefully make them want to read the next story, which won't have a point either. I'm banking that the humor in the story will sell it.

Kind of the way the movie "Forrest Gump" holds your attention, even though there isn't a strong story line.

Thanks again,
Gregg