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Old 08-04-2004, 11:22 AM   #1
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Hope you enjoy II

Hello all... here is some more of the story i'm working on... I didn't know how much I could post at one time...so if you haven't read the first part I posted, please do so you can follow..

“What do we do know?” Sarah asked.
“Where are we?” James looked over to her.
“Just over Charlotte,” she looked down at her GPS (Global Positioning System).
There was another strong jolt of turbulence, which made the plane tilt to the left, up about five hundred feet and then back down below sixteen thousand. Sarah regained control over the plane, but had a hard time in doing so. James looked out his window and could see dark storm clouds brewing. How could this have happened so fast? He marveled in the clouds formations.
They were less than 150 miles from Asheville, and that’s all Sarah could think about. It was the only thing keeping her mind sane. As for James, he was trying to figure another way around the storms, but it seemed nearly impossible.
“How’s our fuel?” he asked over the noise of the engines.
“Pretty good,” Sarah quickly glanced down at the fuel gauges. Then she looked over at the oil temperature gauges. “Oil temp is running a bit high though,” she announced.
“Probably nothing,” James had seen it a thousand times and would see it a thousand more. “Just keep an eye on it, let me know if it continues to climb.”
James looked out in front of him and could see darkening clouds building and flashes of lightning. He was concerned and thought about landing in Charlotte, but he thought there was a chance of making it.
“What do we do?” Sarah turned towards him.
“Keep going,” was his only answer. “Maybe we’ll run out of this,” at least that’s what he was hoping.
A sudden gust of wind caused the engines to rev, and plane to make a quick dive down about three thousand feet. Sarah had a more difficult time in regaining control. James had to take over while Sarah was trying her best.
“Sorry about that,” she apologized once again.
“Not your fault,” James tried once again to level off at sixteen thousand. “Hold on,” he had to change course, which slowed the plane down. They were flying into a head wind now, which meant slow going.
There was another small patch of turbulence, and Sarah hated it. She hated flying through turbulence, but it’s one good way to learn how to fly a plane. Even with automatic pilot can’t guarantee a smooth ride. “I’m really scared,” she was at least honest.
“Everything will be fine,” James looked down at the GPS. “Not much farther.”
That’s easy for you to say. You’ve been doing this a long time and I just started. But you’re the boss and know this plane inside and out. “Just let me know when it’s about time to land,” Sarah wasn’t going to have any part of flying now.
James looked down at the oil temp gauges and noticed they were running a bit high. He adjusted the throttle a bit, which slowed the plane down even more. It was a precautionary measure and probably a safe bet at that. As for Sarah, she seemed a bit on edge, but was holding it together as best she could.
“Looks like it’s going to get bumpy,” James announced.
“Great,” Sarah rolled her eyes and knew what she was in store for.
The plane ran into a large patch of turbulence, wind and finally rain. James didn’t have any other choice other than to lower his altitude. After all, they were less than a hundred miles from Asheville now. That was one positive thing Sarah thought of, but the clouds seemed to be growing darker.
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Old 08-04-2004, 12:14 PM   #2
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Wow

That was very good! Its well written and realistic. Simple yet it catches your attention. I cant wait to read more.

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Old 08-04-2004, 12:44 PM   #3
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Since I liked the first part of the story, I decided upon reading this one. It was very well written and kept me reading the whole thing. Below is a few things I thought you might want to change.


Quote:
Originally Posted by Novicewriter
There was another small patch of turbulence, and Sarah hated it.
This sentence could be split into two. This is because you are not using "and" to list something.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Novicewriter
They were less than 150 miles from Asheville, and that’s all Sarah could think about.
I would change this to: They were less than 150 miles from Asheville, which was all Sarah could think about.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Novicewriter
Looks like it’s going to get bumpy,” James announced.
For this, I would replace "get" with "be".

I hope to see more!
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Old 08-04-2004, 12:59 PM   #4
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Thank you both for the feedback... I truly appreciate it and plan on adding more later on... I wanted to give people a chance to read, and let me know. Again, thank you so very much,
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