I really, really want to just say "it's good!"... but I know that's not why you posted your story. So...
Well, seems like you know how to write, spelling's 98% okay, it's in English, the scene goes somewhere, seems to be paced, you make me want to know how the case went plot-wise, so, it's ok, even mildly good.
Have you ever read the Bedford Handbook? I had to memorize it for my English final. I failed my final, but it made the book made me grammar conscious.
OK, take a random part of the story:
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face was well done up with make-up
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if a guy ever said that to me I'd punch him in the face
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he could see in her face that I want to see you suffer, just go away and leave me, stop your torture and leave.
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sudden switch to first person?
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David climbed out of bed, making sure he didn’t disturb Sandra, and opened the French doors onto the balcony. He felt the warm air on his skin, and there was hardly a touch of wind. The pine trees that had earlier been battered by a strong northern wind were now large standing statues, amongst the darkness and the pine scented air that felt like a sauna.
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That's pretty nice, actually.
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An owl caught his attention as it started to hoot, it was in one of the nearest trees, but it was impossible to guess which it was in.
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I'm considering that you should really know the difference between a semicolon and a comma. conjunctions, man. also, wait, why is he trying to guess what tree the owl's in? is the owl important somehow? if you just said "an owl caught his attention as it started to hoot", that would imply that it was in the nearest trees and, well, it's dark, it's night, it's hot, he's tired, so apparrently he can't guess where it is either. the sentence seems to have a lot of unnecessary parts
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The moon was straight in front of him, and he could remember looking at it through a telescope when he was a kid. He thought about taking it up again, but he couldn’t because of the firm and truckload of paperwork that went with it.
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I'll forgive you for "because of", cuz it's creative writing. Nice development there ;P
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...her head half buried under the white blanket. It gently heaved up and down in tune with her breathing.
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Wait, her head heaved, or the blanket heaved?
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It relaxed him watching his wife sleep, seeing her safe, relaxed, and with no worries.
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repetition of "relaxed" - see thesaurus.com o_O
Well, yeah. ^^;
