I really enjoyed reading your work. The description is beautiful, letting the reader know exactly how to imagine everything. From reading this excerpt, I already know the character's personality, which can be very useful later on in the story.
I would just like to point out a few things from this paragraph:
Quote:
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Originally Posted by Tori
Snow floats from the sky blessing the Earth and leaving her in silence and awe on this December morning in New Hampshire. It is the first snowfall in the town of Marlow since last November. It is late in coming. The White Mountains have seemed to beg the sky for snow. The Boston ski travelers are staying indoors at home sipping lemonade confused by the heat. They are left wondering where they should take their long holidays if it remains so pleasant at home.
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This first sentence seems a tad bit awkward. In my opinion, it seems to give out more information than a first sentence should. My suggestion would be to talk about what month it is and where she is later in the story.
Personally, I think past tense can sometimes sound better than present tense. Although you do not want it to sound like this occured a while ago, using past tense makes the sentences flow better. In your case, I think you overused present tense. If you could change a few of the words to past tense, your story would sound smoother.
Overall, I would have to say this is one of the best pieces I have read on this forum. It interests the reader. I hope to see more of this novel, here on the boards.
