babygurl

ok. I'm writing a story and I just wanted to get some advice. I have a question about writing dreams. When you write them, are they supposed to be all in italics or does it matter? I have an example, I've thought you were supposed to write in italics because it's like the person's thoughts, but here i'll post the example and you can critique this as well if you want.
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She gazed out the window at the beautiful white blanket of snow inhibiting the once green mounds of grass. She could still see the small hints of snowflakes falling softly, even through the glare of the glass that separated her from this amazing vision of innocence. In the distance, two young children frolicked in the freshly fallen snow, disappearing momentarily underneath the sea of white as they waved their arms and legs in an attempt to make snow angels. Her focus changed to the face in the reflection of the window. The petrified eyes that had seen so much terror in their short existence, the flowing pitch-black hair that appeared slightly out of place, along with the once-passionate lips that now formed a permanent straight line across her face. Looking closer, she could see his angry scowl approaching from behind, thinking he would catch her in an unexpected instant.

She turned around just in time to feel his hands wrap around her neck, dragging her away from the world she longed to be a part of, his hands grasping tighter with every step. She grabbed at them, struggling to free herself from his grip. Her efforts were useless, as they always were when fighting against his powerful fierceness. Somewhere along the line, she had lost the strength to fight back as furiously as before. She felt herself being thrown on the couch, and she let out a little gasp as he loosened his clamped hands around her throat. Then, she felt his fingers thrusting deep into the center of her neck. He was teasing her. Hoping to catch him off-guard, she made one last endeavor to extricate herself by shoving her hands against his chest, using all the force that she could muster. His body didn’t move. Feeling an intense explosion of scorching pain deep within her throat, she felt herself slip into unconsciousness, the vision of an eternal flame drifting closer throughout the hazy shadows…

Roxanne’s eyes bolted open and a cold chill traveled down her spine. She sheltered her eyes from the sudden brightness of the room and felt the wet sheets clinging to her body like drenched jeans that adhere to the skin. She swiped at the tiny beads of sweat dripping from her forehead. Shifting awkwardly on the lukewarm mattress that lay beneath her, she slid to her side only to see the face of Robert, sleeping soundly with a look of pleasure apparent on his face. She realized how the man in her dream possessed an uncanny resemblance to Robert. The broad shoulders, the angry eyes, even the powerful hands that seemed to clench her every desire. A shiver ran through her entire body as she fought to rid her mind of the realistic notion that the monster in her dream was sleeping right next to her.
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please tell me what you think. I'm not sure how I'm supposed to write this professionally. thanks in advance.

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Gulf Whiskey

babygurl,

I actually really liked it. You obviously have some good writing skills and for the most part flow everything together quite nicely. When I wrote a dream sequence, I never used italics because I wanted to batch the reader by surprise, but I think italics definately work better for what you are trying to do, I think. Everyone has their own writing style. That is what makes books so different from the next. I think you have the potential writing skill to make this choice for yourself. Some of your words, though good, seem a little awkward. They seem, maybe, a little too advanced when they should be simple. Other than that, good job. I really don't have any suggestions. I thinks italaics will be perfect. Good luck.

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sully474

I like the way that the italics were used for the dream sequence, and I think that it is something that you should see more of. Your word choice was excellent in many cases, but a little bit Thesaurusish in others. Try reading through your piece quickly, and anything that your tongue gets stuck on, smooth over a little bit. I could see something like this becoming a longer piece about the struggle to beieve what is going on in the dream. To me, that seems to be a good cornerstone to work from.

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Deadally

Whenever I write dreams into prose, I stick to Wes Craven's style, I.E. trying your best to get the reader to think about whether it is actually a dream or not.

If I may...this is an excerpt from a short story I wrote. It gives a clear tool I use to portray the dream, because you are often not aware of your dream WHILE you are dreaming. Anyway...

...His parents had left him as night overwhelmed day, and the boy had thought he would not have such a boring time alone. As he waited for their arrival, thoughts began to form in his head. He was alone in the middle of a street; a street lamp buzzed overhead. He walked down the street while watching his shadow. As it grew longer, so did the distance from the street lamp. He became vaguely aware of something looming all around him. Utter fear roused his heart, and he ran toward the other street lamp. The apparition was too close for him to escape. He was awake again.

Suddenly, being conscious was not a viable means of passing time. Fear had overcome him, and he felt a terrible presence in the house. Was some murderer...

Perhaps this is not the best device, and it is certainly not if you want to tell the reader that they ARE dreaming. In that case, you are allowed to do whatever you want (you're the writer)

A certain book has one of the main characters speaking in caps lock throughout the entire novel (I think it was to compare his life to Jesus, but I'm not sure)

Hope I helped a bit

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babygurl

thanks for all of your advice, it was all very helpful indeed. and it answered my question to the point. I know some of the words are a bit awkward, sometimes I have problems trying to get my point across.. it's like I know what I wanna say but just don't know how to say it. kinda complicated.

Gulf Whiskey, thank you for your compliments and yeah I understand about trying to catch the reader by surprise. But I agree with you also, for my story I don't think it should catch them by surprise, I want them to know that she's only dreaming this.

sully, yeah this piece is actually shown in the middle of my story that I'm writing. It's about 53 pages right now, in the "read" mode of MS Word. thanks for your advice as well, I will read over it and see what I can do to make it better.

Deadally, I understand the kind of style you are talking about. thanks for sharing that example, it's very good, i like how you wrote that. I think I still have to figure out if I want the reader to think about whether it's really happening or not. But thanks though, you were a big help!

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Alys R.

The sentence fragment in the first paragraph is a bit awkward, and yeah it seems kind of verbose at times, but... it all contributes to the haziness of the dream, right? ;P

I think I'd write dreams without italics, just as another part of the chapter or whatnot.