Smurf Mamita

Hiding

You think you know
The real me
But who I really am
Is a different somebody
I hide behind myself
Hoping no one can see
The true me,
But I don't even know the real me
What makes you think
That you will know who I am
Even before I?
One day,
I will come out
And you will see,
I'm a different person
Who was in hiding
Just wishing to find myself
Wishing to become my own person
And for everyone to let go
Of their perception of me
I'm not that girl
That does everything right
But I'm not that girl
That does everything wrong
I'm that girl that knows
A little about certain things
But needs to learn about everything
And until then,
I'll be hiding behind myself
Wishing I just knew the real me.

I wrote this when I was really tired...sorry if it's not too great...

__________________
Papeles son papeles
Cartas son cartas
Y las palabras de hombres
Siempre son FALSAS!!!!

Smurf Mamita

Wow, this poem must have sucked. Nobody left any type of comment.

__________________
Papeles son papeles
Cartas son cartas
Y las palabras de hombres
Siempre son FALSAS!!!!

eleutheromaniac

Try posting it in the poetry forum. Usually the poets and writers stick to different forums. As I said to another poster; "We do not stray into their woods, they do not come into out village." Maybe ask one of the mods to move it for you.

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Augmented Reality

ChloeLee12

oye..lol i think it was cool

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~Jenn

Any other side, my words unspoken.

Gulf Whiskey

I firstly agree that this should have been posted in the poetry forum if you truly wanted this critiqued. Luckily, I can't sleep, so i came across it. The idea is not bad, the rhtyhm is. Not that is doesn't rhyme--it does. The problem is how it rhymes. The best way for me to put this is to jot down a quick poem in the manner you wrote yours....

I made this poem rhyme
what goes with rhyme
could it be time?
or could it be mine?
Could I again use rhyme?
If I used mine
would it be fine?
Or should I use time?
Is this getting annoying
or is it fine?

AHHHH!!!! MAKE IT STOP!

See what I mean? You are rhyming to rhyme. I need to structure and flow. Read Robert Frost.

Smurf Mamita

I didn't mean to make it ryhme. My bad. I reread it and only the first few lines ryhmed...at least to me... oh well. thanks for the tips though...

Also...I thought that being this was "Critique and Advice" forum, that this was where I was to put it. My bad...sorry about that.

__________________
Papeles son papeles
Cartas son cartas
Y las palabras de hombres
Siempre son FALSAS!!!!