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Old 07-22-2004, 01:48 AM   #1
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More of story

Here is some more of my story i've been working on.

I must have stood there another minute or two, looking across at the theater. The guy walked out and I really wanted to see him again, but something told me not to even think about going. Even Joann came up to me and warned not to go after him.
Ever since Bobby died, I’ve chosen not to date and for the simple reason I can’t bring myself to do it. Also it’s hard finding a good man in this town anymore. All the good ones have moved away, leaving the bad apples still in town.
My shift ended just past two that afternoon and I wanted to go home. To be honest with you, there isn’t anything to do. There’s a WAL-MART about fifteen miles and it seems that’s where everyone is driving to. The other day, I drove out that way and noticed some new houses being built. The house I live in is an old two-story farm house that’s been renovated.
I wanted to see this guy though because he really seemed interesting. Something told me not to go, but I just had to you know.

Don’t ask me why I decided to stop in Crystal Hills, Texas. I guess it was more or less an accident because I had been driving all night. I needed some coffee and didn’t feel like paying three dollars for it. So, I looked on my map and saw the next town wasn’t far away. Now when I started down I guess what’s called Main Street I was really floored by all the boarded up businesses.
As I drove past the movie theater though, that’s what really caught my eye, I stopped and also saw the diner. It was your basic shiny diner that you don’t see much of anymore. It looked appealing and inviting and figured I could ask someone about the theater.
When I walked in, there I saw her, standing behind the counter with some other girl. This girl though was absolutely beautiful. She stood probably just over five feet with the prettiest blonde hair. It was long, naturally curly and her smile seemed to literally take my breath away. I didn’t say anything, but carried my laptop and sat down.
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Old 07-22-2004, 04:58 PM   #2
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Um, this was confusing. Is each paragraph devoted to a different speaker? If so, I think you need to make it clearer, perhaps put in a title or something whenever it switches point of view. I had to read it about three times to really get it (if I have got it). You don't want to confuse the reader, or they'll get frustrated or bored and give up.

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