Shy_Love

This dosn't seem to flow to well. Any help would be nice!



The tables are turned
you seem so far
now I'm the one at home
longing to be where you are

never will I be able to say
or share how much I miss you
as I wait for time to pass
I'm hoping you miss me too

I pray everyday for you to be safe
for no girls to come near
I long for this time away to end
and once again you'll be here

cute boy I miss you
and long for you so
to hear your gentle voice
to see that loving glow

one more week
I'll hold tightly onto that
seven more days
till you come back

as you can probally tell..one more week till my boyfrined comes home, but I'm having a hard time finding words to show how much I miss him. How much I can't wait till he's back here....help please!

SoftGlow

Nice sentiment.
Shorten longer lines for flow; [making the lengths consistent]
longing to be where you are.

*remove "to" to gel better with preceding line
I wait for time to pass
and hope you miss me too/hoping you miss me too

"I pray" can be removed, line one of the stanza has it.
*again

hope you would be together .

Shy_Love

Thank you SoftGlow. I fixed the parts you said and tried to make others sound better. Please let me know if it still needs work.

SoftGlow

It seems fine to me, however the point is is it OK with YOU? Suit yourself, you're the author .

Shy_Love

I like it but I don't want to have something totally suck. So I look for help from others. Just to make sure that nothing is like...to wrong. I guess I'm happy with it. I don't care to much at this point. I just want my boyfriend to come home.