vsolt21

I was looking for some advice on how I could make the current work a little bit better. I always get comments that my writing is good, but it is missing something. don't take for granted, that this is still a work in progress. Thanks for letting me post.


Jon Stevens just stared out the window; wait for something, anything to happen. His summer was becoming boring very fast.

Suddenly as he was looking out the window, he saw a station wagon pulled into the driveway next door. The old Johnson house had been up for sale for a long time, but Jon was looking forward to meeting his new neighbors. He quickly ran downstairs and told his mother the good news.

“Well, Jon, if you want to go over and meet them, maybe they could use your help carrying their things into the house. Make sure you introduce yourself.”

“O.K., I’ll be back later”

“Hello, my name is Jonny Stevens. I guess you are my new neighbors.”

“Hi Jonny, I’m Frank Laveau and this is my wife, Cheri, and my two daughters.”

Before he could finish his introduction, the oldest daughter began to speak.

“Hello, my name is Lindsey Marie Laveau. I’m 14 years old. This is my sister, Jessica. It was nice to meet you, Jonny.”

Jon suddenly remembered what his mother told him to ask them.

“Can I help you carry your things into your house?”
“Sure, you can, son. Why don’t you stay for supper? I sure you are going to be hungry after we get everything put away. You can help the girls with their room.”

Lindsey quickly grabbed Jon’s hand.

“Come on, Jon. Let me show you our room. Hurry, Hurry, Hurry.”

She led him up the stairs to the room. Jon was amazed at the decorations of the room. There were a lot of very interesting looking masks, most of them were colorfully painted and made of wood, but some of them were porcelain.

“We are descendents of Marie Laveau, the voodoo queen of New Orleans. She was a driving force in New Orleans voodoo. Voodoo is the belief that everyone has a soul, or spiritual life force. She was in charge of holding rituals and gris-gris, or good or bad luck. She had a lot of knowledge and we still have a couple of books that used to belong to her. They are downstairs in a box with all of the pictures.”

“Well, we need to go get my sister’s things out of the car. Isn’t my sister cute?”

Jon didn’t actually know how he should answer the question.

“She is very cute.”

“Well, Jon what do you think about me, huh?”

“You are very nice.”

“Jon, I was asking if you thought I was pretty.”

“Sure, I think you are pretty. You are beautiful.”

“Good, well I think we ought to get started. What do you say?”

Lindsey and Jon finished the room a couple hours later. They sat down on Lindsey’s bed. She grabbed his hand and looked directly into his eyes. “Is something wrong, Lindsey? Is there something wrong with my eyes?” Without saying a word, Lindsey leaned toward Jon and kissed him on the lips. She leaned him back onto the bed and they locked lips again. Just then, Lindsey’s mother knocked on the door.

“Supper’s ready. Hurry down and eat it while it’s hot.”

“Wow, what did you do that for?” Jon asked.

“I kissed you because you said that I was pretty. Did you like it?”

“I really liked it. Thanks again for all your help today.”

They started down the stairs. “I liked it, too. Jon whispered.


“Well Mrs. Laveau, thanks for supper. I think I’m going home if you don’t need anymore of my help.”

“Thanks for all your help Jonny. Will we see you tomorrow? I’d love for you to drop by and spend some time with Lindsey and Jessica. I think they really like you.”

Jon said goodbye to Mr. and Mrs. Laveau. Lindsey walked over to Jon and kissed him on the cheek.

“See you tomorrow, honey.” Lindsey whispered.

He just smiled as he walked out the door.


“How are the neighbors?”

“They are very nice; they have a daughter that is my age. She has a lot of interesting masks on the wall of her bedroom. She said they are from her ancestors and that they are very old.”


“You said they had a daughter that is your age, huh? Is she pretty?”

“Yes. She is pretty.”

“Do you like her? Did they thank you for helping them move in?”

“Exactly, she kissed me.”

“Oh really, she must be your girlfriend now.”

“I’m going to bed now.”

During the night, he had a dream about Lindsey. She needed his help and wanted him to come over tomorrow and talk to her. Jon sat up in bed and wiped the sweat from his face. He wasn’t sure what was going on, but he couldn’t wait to talk to Lindsey.


“Good morning Jon, what are going to do today?”

“Well, I think I’m going to the neighbors and talk to Lindsey. Mom, I had a dream last night that Lindsey was talking to me and I was talking to her, and she said that she needed my help.”

“I don’t know what to tell you, honey. Are you sure that you don’t like her?”

“Well, maybe I do like her, but I’m not sure.”

“ Well Jon, I think you do like her, that is why you want to spend time with her, and I think she really like you too, that is why she kissed you goodnight last night.”

“Well, I’m going to go over there. See you later, Mom.”

He knocked on the door. Mrs. Laveau answered it.



“Lindsey and Jessica are waiting for you in their room. By the way, I’ve never seen Lindsey smile as much as she has in the last 24 hours, even little Jessica seems to be a lot happier since she saw you. Back in our old house and town, Lindsey didn’t have any friends, and spent a lot of her time reading our old family books and looking at family photo albums. I’m glad to see you spend so much time with my girls.”
“Where is Mr. Laveau?”

“Today was his first day at work, and Jon, I don’t think you should keep my girls waiting.”

He walked up the stairs.

“Come in.”

“How did she know that I was at the door?”


“Hello honey, I’ve been waiting for you to show up. We have a lot of things to do today.”

“What are we going to do today?”

“Trust me Jon; we are going to have some fun.”

Jon looked at Lindsey. She had a big smile on her face and a hint of laughter in her smile. Just then, Jessica started to talk. It was the first time he heard Jessica.


“Yeah Lindsey, we are going to have a lot of fun with Jonny. We are going to have tons of fun with him. What are we going to do first?”

“Let’s go downstairs and show Jon some of the neat stuff that we have down there. Jon, could you get the light for me?”

Jon walked down the stairs and was amazed at all he saw. There were drums and other musical instruments in the corner of the basement. Boxes and boxes of photographs were set on a shelf. Lindsey reached up on a shelf and pulled out a picture of a woman with a snake. She was holding the snake above her head and she was dancing

“What do you think of this picture, Jon?”
“I think that woman is crazy, I wouldn’t be holding that snake. I’d be afraid that the snake would bite me. Who is the woman is the picture?”

“Her name was Marie Laveau. That is where my family comes from.”

“Lindsey, what are the drums for? Are your parents in a band?”

“No Jon, my parents aren’t in a band. Every do often, my parents out the drums and my dad plays the drums and my mom dances around with our snake and they chant too. I like to watch her dance around and twirl the snake around her body. My mom seems to be in a daze when she dances.”

“Is the snake still around?”


“It’s down here in that cage over there.”

Jon walked over in the direction that Lindsey pointed. He looked inside the cage and he saw a long yellow and black snake. Its belly was bulging, and he assumed that they had just fed it.

“Jon, let’s go up to my room and listen to some music and talk.

“Are you ok with everything that you saw downstairs? You aren’t scared of this, are you, Jon?”

“No Lindsey, I’m fine. I was just a little shocked at first, but its ok with me.”



“Our family history means a lot of us, and I want you to feel like part of the family.”

Jessica smiled when Lindsey said that.

“Don’t you feel like part of the family, Jon?” Jon just smiled.

“I wish you could join our family. I really like you, and you are my boyfriend.”


“Let’s listen to some music.”

The music started and Jessica extended her arms toward Jon. Jessica raised her head up just enough to kiss Jon on the cheek. They continued to dance for about twenty minutes.

“Let’s see if my mom has made anything for supper.”


As they walked down the stairs, Lindsey kissed him and they held hands down the stairs.


After supper was over, they went to watch some television. Mrs. Laveau asked Jon a question.

“Jon, would you like to spend the night tonight? You can stay here as far as I’m concerned.”

“Well Mrs. Laveau, I’ll run next door and ask my mom. I’ll be right back.”

“Mom, can I spend the night at the Laveau’s house?”

“Go right ahead, Jon.”

“My mother said that it was ok if I spend the night tonight.”

“You can sleep in the girls’ room.”

Jon went upstairs to get ready for bed.


“Jon, could you wait outside while I change clothes for bed? If you brought any clothes to change into, you can use the bathroom. I’ll let you in when I’m finished.”


Jon went to the bathroom and waited a couple of minutes before Lindsey let him in. She was wearing a long black night shirt; it looked like a t-shirt that was 2 or 3 times larger than she needed.

“Let’s go to bed, Jon. I’m really tired.”

Jon and Lindsey climbed into the bed on opposite sides. Lindsey slid into the middle of the bed.

“Jon, please put your arms around me. I love you, Jon.”

“I love you too, Lindsey.”


Jon woke up in the morning with Lindsey's body lying right on top of him. He didn't want to wake her, so he lay there, and thought about how his life had changed completely in the last two days. Thirty minutes later, Lindsey began to wake up. Jessica woke up and walked over the side of the bed and touched Jon's hand.

“Jonny, are you awake? I want to talk to you.”

“Let me try to get out of bed without waking up your sister. What do you want to talk about?”

“I want to know how you feel about me. I can tell that you like Lindsey a lot, but you don’t seem to like me. What is wrong with me? Am I not pretty enough for you?

“No, Jessica. You’re very pretty and I do like you. I’m just confused because everything is happening so fast. Trust me; I really like you and your sister.”

“If you really like me, then why don’t you kiss me like you kiss Lindsey? See, I told you didn’t like me or you would kiss me right now.”

Jon leaned over and gave Jessica a kiss on the lips. Jessica grabbed a hold of Jon and leaned him back on the bed. All of the sudden, Jessica, pinned Jon down and climbed on top of him. She started to run her hands over his body and began to kiss him on the neck.

“Jessica Allison Laveau. What are you doing? Get off of him! He’s my boyfriend.” Lindsey shouted.

Lindsey got out of bed and grabbed Jessica by the hair and pulled her off of Jon. Jon laid there in shock as the two girls began to fight. There was a lot of hair pulling and screaming, until Jon came to his senses and came between them.

“It was a misunderstanding, Lindsey. Calm down, honey. We were just talking and things got out of hand. Are you both finished fighting? Let’s go get something to eat.”

“Lindsey, is it ok if I stay with your sister tonight? I promise nothing will happen. It is the least I could do for her, she feels like I’m trying to take you away from her or something. I want to show her that I care about her as much as I care about you.”

“It’s ok, Jon. I understand what you are doing. I want to keep my sister happy too. Let’s eat now.”

After breakfast, Jon and Lindsey sat on the edge of Lindsey's bed and talked for hours, until it was time to go to bed.

“Well Jon, I think we should call it a night. What do you think?"

"Yeah, I'm really tired.”

“Jon, remember that you promised my sister you would spend the night with her."

Jon moved into Jessica’s bed. Jessica continued to move closer to Jon’s body. She leaned over and whispered into his ear.

“I love you, Jonny. Is it ok if I lay on top of you? I promise I won’t do anything you don’t want me too. I just want to be as close to you as possible.”

“It’s ok, Jessica. I trust you. Everything is going to be fine; you just relax and go to sleep.”

Jessica climbed on top of Jon and kissed him on the lips. She whispered goodnight and laid her head on his shoulder and fell asleep. Jon began to wrap his arms around her, when she started to move again. She wrapped her legs around his waist. She kissed him again and he began to move his hands around her body. She started to give him a hickey, but he pushed her away.

“Jessica, stop that. I don’t think we should be doing this.”

“You’re right, but I love you, and this is the only way I know how to show it.”

“Why don’t we lay here and not kiss, but we can hold each other as close as we want. Now, can you please go to sleep?”

“Time to wake up Jon, mom has food ready.”

After breakfast, Jon went upstairs to Lindsey’s and Jessica’s room. He thought that they were both downstairs, and he swung open the door. As the door swung open, Jessica was standing there, wearing nothing but her underwear. She was changing clothes when Jon came in, Jon heard Jessica scream, and he slammed the door. He ran down the stairs, and went to find Lindsey.

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry. I didn’t know that she was in there, and I’m so sorry.”

“What are you talking about, Jon?”

“I went upstairs to go to your room to get my wallet, and I thought that you and Jessica were both down here, so I just opened the door. I didn’t realize that Jessica was upstairs, I saw her almost naked, and she screamed and I slammed the door and ran down here. I’m so sorry.”

“Don’t worry, Jon. It is going to be alright. You need to go apologize to her.”

“Jonny, are you ok? I’m sorry that I screamed, but I didn’t want you to see me topless, and you startled me. Are you ok?”

“I’m sorry, Jessica.”

“Don’t worry about it. Anyway, did you get a good look at everything, huh?”

Jessica and Lindsey started to laugh. Jon thought he was going to be in trouble, but the girls didn’t seem to mind.


vsolt21