Story of Dan - Chapter 6 (I have writers block) - WritingForums.com - Writing Forums, Writing Challenges, Critiques and Help for Writers

mattanvsworld · 06-28-2004, 12:32 PM

I'm about 5,700 words into this book, and I have a complete writers block. The story (so far), is about a boy named Dan who gets in a car accident and wakes up in a hospital. He meets a few people, like a terminally ill kid in his hospital room (who dies), and then he decides to escape. That is where this chapter starts.

Quote:

In the corridor, the walls buzzed, vibrating to the beating in my chest.
In…
Out…
The lights swung on long, polished chains that hung from the ceiling, blown by a subtle wind, that pulsated like human breathing. The air brushed against my neck.
Down the hallway, a light at a desk flickered, turned off, and back on again.
The nurse didn’t even turn to me as I walked out, past the front desk. She was busy with coffee, solitaire, and the janitor who winked at her every time he walked by. Fantasies played through her head as I walked unnoticed past the waiting room, out the automatic doors that never slept, never took coffee breaks, never complained about salaries, benefits, or working conditions.
One day everything will be replaced by automats; automatic doctors, automatic lawyers, automatic prostitutes.
I didn’t pay anything much heed as I walked out through the doors that slid open by their own will.
Above me was a blanket of stars that shone down so incredibly brightly that I wondered why I hadn’t paid any attention to them before. There was a bright star to the left of me, and it twinkled slightly, so I followed it down the street. The sidewalk underneath me was cracked and awkward.
I felt like a marionette, being pulled down the street by strings that ascended up into the sky. There were big hands up there that led me.
I like thinking about it that way. If we are being “led” then, maybe, there is still a choice in the matter.
It’s hopeless, which is why I stopped thinking about it a while back. But, there is something about a quiet night that uncovers hidden thoughts and memories.
My mind endlessly twitched, trying to explain what had just happened to me.
I just woke up in a fucking hospital room. I can’t remember a thing that happened to me. And all I feel right now is the pounding in my skull, and the cold air on my cheeks.
My lips were chapped. I licked them. The air whistled as it sucked in through my nose, dry with blood.
I need to find out why I’m here. I need to find out where here is.
Both sides of the street were lined with apartment buildings that pressed tightly against each other with no elbow space.
All the windows were dead black, the whole road was an abyss, except for one.
A bright window somewhere far away glowed, spilling light onto the empty street.
I tripped over the edge of the sidewalk, the way you do when you think there’s a step there, but there isn’t. I looked around to make sure no one else had witnessed it.
Out the glowing window up the street came music that vibrated down between the narrow row of apartments. As I walked closer there were muffled voices that I couldn’t understand, but the voices sounded warm and full of life.
I stood there, outside, in the cold darkness, and listened to the voices clamor on. The buildings were each a different color, but they all looked like shades of grey at night.
I stepped slowly across the cracked grey street to get a closer look at the voices, to understand what they were laughing about. Oh how I wanted to know what they were laughing about!
Peeking through the corner of the window, I could see a crowd of kids in the middle of the room, they all looked the same, each sporting a fake look, except for one. She caught my attention right away.
This girl, she sat on a brown leather couch. Her lightly freckled face with its sparkling eyes rested on her calm hand. She watched, observing one piece of artwork in the room until it bored her, and then her eyes moved to the next. Each time she saw something that interested her, her eyes would widen, and her lips would part.
She was oblivious to everyone else in the room, and she seemed contented sitting on the couch, while her friends roamed and laughed with each other.
Her eyes suddenly rested on me, peering through the window.
Her head tilted slightly to the right as she wondered about me. My first instinct was to turn away, to run ahead down the street until no one there could find me, until I left behind no trace, but her eyes kept me there.
Her lips parted once again, but this time the tips curled into a curious little smile, and she bit her lip wonderingly.
I closed my eyes.
If you can’t see her, she can’t see you.
With that, I turned my head away and walked away, down the street. I walked until the music slowly faded away, until the curious girl I had seen was just another curious girl.
But behind me there was the quiet click of a door opening. I turned around to see the curious girl, her head peeked out into the darkness. She yelled.
“Window Kid! Come back!”
That was me. I was the window kid.
She put her hands into her pockets and cautiously walked down the steps onto the sidewalk, in my direction.
Her feet scraped carefully against the sidewalk.
The curious girl slowly stepped, the clicking of her shoes gradually became louder until she stopped in front of me, and her eyes looked down and my sweater, then up at mine.
“What are you doing?” she asked.
“I’m walking.”
“Let me walk with you.”
She reached out her hand and grasped mine with it, pulling me. We stepped slowly down the street, away from the party. Our legs carried us further into the valley of buildings.
“Window kid. I have to tell you about those kids back there.”
“…those kids?”
“The ones at the party. They’re not really my friends… I mean… they’re useful I guess. They’re purpose friends. I use them for parties, alcohol, fun. That’s all they’re good for. That’s what they live for.”
“What about you? What do you live for?”
“I live for life. I live for experiencing everything I can. Life is short. Ya’ know?” She looked at me and flashed a smile, quickly looking down. Her face turned a bright pink.
“I’m sorry,” she said, “I think I may be a little drunk.”
“I don’t think you’re drunk. I think you’re beautiful.”
Her eyes twinkled and her lashes fluttered.
“So,” her head leaned slowly on mine. Maybe she was being a little too friendly, or maybe she was using me to keep her up. “Who are you really?”
“I’m Dan,” I announced, “and I don’t know what I’m doing here.”
“Alright window boy. How can you not know what you’re doing here?”
“Well,” I started, but my voice faded just as fast.
Our footsteps seemed louder when no one was talking.
She turned to me. “Well?”
“Well?”
“You just said ‘Well,’ and then kind of trailed off.”
“Well I woke up in a hospital not too long ago.”
“What happened?”
“I don’t know. I just woke up there with a massive headache. My body still hurts.”
“Then lets sit down,” she said, and led to me the curb at the side of the road.
Immediately her head fell back and she lay on the sidewalk looking straight up into the sky.
“That sidewalk is kind of dirty you know.”
“Shut up,” she yelled at me playfully and pull me down next to her.
“Look up.”
The starts rained down from the sky like drops of gold. How they glistened from so far away amazed me.
Directly above me was the brightest star. It floated there, alone, around other, dimmer stars.
“Did you know,” the curious girl turned her face to mine. She was close, and I could feel her breath against my cheek. “that all of those stars are millions of miles away from each other. They all look so close from here.” She looked back up and reached out her hand, in vain.
“There’s something about you, window kid.” She reached her arm out and tapped it against my chest, for no apparent reason. “So you woke up in a hospital room this morning, and now you’re wandering aimlessly?”
“Aren’t we all wandering aimlessly?”
“I’m not. I know exactly what I want to do. I’m going to graduate high school, and then I’m going to go to college, and graduate that. Then I’ll finally be in the real world.”
“What if,” I asked her slowly, “What if you make it? What if you make it to the real world? Then what?”
“What do you mean ‘then what’?”
“I mean, then what do you do?”
“Then…” she trailed off.
Her eyes looked upwards at the sky, they were watering.
“Then… I die. Eventually.”

Virtual_Rose · 06-28-2004, 03:23 PM

mattanvsworld · 06-29-2004, 01:23 AM

I need some kind of break, some kind of short chapter to cleanse the readers mind. Something like in The Grapes of Wrath (short interspersed chapters in stream of consciousness). Here is what I have so far:

Quote:

The curious girl pressed her forehead against my hoodie, her hair blew playfully against my lips. The tips of my fingers brushed against the tips of hers, and my right arm lay draped over her stomach. Her eyes looked up, and her head gently rose, gently fell on my chest.
Her lips were a pale rose that slowly dried as the wind moved against her face. Her cheeks shone rosy and red and she turned her head towards my sweater for protection. Her warm breath crept in through the minute pores in the fabric of my hoodie, and the air rested on my chest.
Our breaths were carried slowly off into the night, high above the rooftops and the clouds that sat lazily in the sky.

Virtual_Rose · 06-29-2004, 02:44 PM

mattanvsworld · 06-29-2004, 03:14 PM

That's quite a compliment. I can send you the whole story I have so far, If you wish.

It's just that I'm stuck, plotwise, and I'm not sure what will happen next. I feel like i've been writing forever and I know the characters inside and out, but as I look over it I realize that I have only written a fraction of what I feel I have.

It's hard to explain...