|
Member
Join Date: Jun 2004
Posts: 5
|
Thankyou for your comments, they are much appreciated.
I was in two minds about the opening statement myself. I just wanted to get across that this was something that she'd been building up to. That's important to the story.
Concerning monologues, I'm not planning on having the whole story as monologue like this, but most of the chapters are written from the perspective of a different character (anyone who's read 'Junk' by Melvin Burgess will know what effect I want to achieve).
There are intermittent narratives not connected with any character in particular, which come between chapters, as you'll see.
Anyway, here are the next two chapters.
That same dawn broke upon two very different faces, in two different parts of the city. One beautiful, pale as winter but radiant as flame, and another who had seen too much of the world to render it any more than something which might once have been handsome. The latter’s appearance disguised his twenty-four years, and the former’s rendered her visage far younger than her seventeen.
Seth (not decided on name yet - this was the first that came to mind)
How long it has been since I was content; since I believed. The truth I once sought as a warrior, enlisting at fifteen, still evades me. I have nothing to hope for, but death by a worthy hand and the salvation of my soul by one who does not know the evil I have done. I cannot even pretend that I still care about my orders or my commanders, and they know this. They exploit it, sending me on countless missions to the most barbaric of lands, yet with no gratitude, no pat on the back at the end of yet another victory. I am a high-ranking officer, yet I care about my work less than the poor conscripts.
I have lost my faith in fate, in love, and in the strength of men. How can ones who claim to have so much power over the earth neglect its bounty yet?
I have been searching for nine years for something which was almost tangible to begin with, but which has now faded to nothing. My sole purpose as a soldier was to fight to defend my kingdom, but I have seen so much beauty destroyed that I cannot go on believing that our salvation from the demons is a worthy cause. All the time we are told they are the enemy, but never why, or how they came to be so. I grow weary of such deception.
I want to feel pure again, as if I had never killed, but that is a gift granted to only very few, and I know none who possess such skill. I shall keep fighting, and searching in vain, for that which I cannot find nor even understand.
In the city, the rest of the citizens, too, were waking. Some departed for work, the soldiers for the stables to collect mounts; others stayed at home, thinking they might have a lazy morning indoors, or tending their gardens. Little did they know that other forces had awoken. Forces far away from human imagination and enclosed inside the deepest circle of human fear. Only animals noticed the change. Those same soldiers who had gone to collect their steeds as one found them unruly and flighty, rearing and bucking so vigorously that many did not have time to react, and were thrown from the saddle. Those caught unawares got to their feet in time to watch, bemused, as the horses galloped away to the mountains.
The folk at the market, too, noticed differences. There was a total absence of cats and other scavengers, who were usually shooed away from the poultry and fish. They were nowhere to be seen, but nobody remarked upon it. These were superstitious times. Nobody was brave enough to tempt fate, even for something so small as missing cats.
Hester
The radiant face, suddenly awake, rose to greet the sun. Its owner stretched and then dressed quickly.
I sense something. A change is abroad. I will go down to the market. Detyae will know the cause.
Detyae sat at her stall, her wares, glass talismans, beads and jewellery flashing and sparkling in the sunlight. Suddenly a tall, willowy figure obscured her vision.
“Good grief, child, you will scare me out of my wits one of these days, and you know it.”
“I’m sorry, Detyae. Is there any news this morning?” Came the inquisitive reply.
“No. Why would there be?” she answered and at the same time sat up a little in her seat. For Hester to ask for news was not normal, and she knew more than any other that for Hester to ask for news, particularly for no reason, was worth taking note.
“Why, then, is there a strange feeling in the air this morning?”
“How should I know? Why do you pester me so with your endless questions? Find out for yourself; I’m sure you’ve scared away all of my customers. Shoo!”
Detyae was not idle in the dismissal. She knew too well that Hester would see to it that she knew what her ‘feeling’ was before the sun set, and yet wondered, for she had not felt anything different that day so far. Although not outwardly magical with no, what she herself would call, ‘gypsy traits’, she found that her feelings often concurred with Hester’s. Not so this time, which made her the more nervous.
Hester knew of Detyae’s stubborn nature, and did not take her own banishment badly. She would ask her again later, she thought with a mischievous smile to herself - pester her until the answer was found, for she was sure that Detyae must know. Hester had never known the woman she saw as much a mother as a friend not to know the answer to a question, or give a place to start at least.
Detyae, although female, was regarded by many, including the city elders, as one of the wisest of her generation. Whether they would admit that to her was a different matter, but one that she would never worry about. She desired neither recognition nor fame; she was happy with her lot.
Hester wended her way through the market, a tendril of jet hair wound round one finger, (her thinking pose), and noticed not the calls of ‘Good morning’ from the stallholders as she went.
She carried on till the market was but the distant buzz of an insistent insect and sat down upon a tree trunk at the edge of the woods.
Engrossed in thought, and searching the recesses of her mind for what was causing her to feel uneasy, she did not notice a stranger approaching behind her.
|
The monologue thing is good for an opening, I think...very effective for a short bit. 
