WritingForums.com - Writing Forums, Writing Challenges, Critiques and Help for Writers Home Rules FAQ Members Groups Calendar Gallery Search
» Sign Up «

Hello Unregistered,
It looks you have never posted to our site before! Why not make your first post today by saying hello to our community in our Introduce Yourself forum. Why not start with your first post today and become an active part of our growing community of writers!
  Search Forums
Lit.Org - Bootcamp for writers. Post your work and other writers review it, it's that easy.

Advanced Search



Go Back   Writing Forums > Creativity > Critique and Advice
Register FAQ Members List Calendar Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read

Critique and Advice Works seeking critique, advice or assistance.

Reply
 
Thread Tools
Old 06-26-2004, 06:31 PM   #1
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2004
Posts: 1
Xeres
From an opening line...

Silently the door closed on the night. If the door had had an option it would have done so about an hour before. The wind though, not being in agreement with the door, held off its breeze; or merely blew its winter chill in another direction. The door, still wondering why it had been open on this unforgiving night, was now content with its recent readjustment and set its attention to the man. Whom, before falling asleep, had left the door ajar to allow the small cabin a breath of fresh air.

The fire in front of the slumbering man was dying down, giving its last breaths of its magnificent life. The bricks that housed the once raging fire were finally able to relax; and happy with there lot in life, settled down to rest with the man. Beside the man, on the floor below him was his dog.

The dog was a yellowish brown with patches of grey. The man did not know what kind of dog he had, but to him it did not really matter. The dog did its job. It retrieved the birds that the man shot down, it barked when a bear was near and most importantly it lay beside the man when he slept. Giving him a comfort and security that reminded him of his mother. Waking up between dreams the man would glance down at his pet and be happy, falling asleep once more to the sound of the dog’s heavy breathing. The dog also would occasionally stir in his sleep and he would also take a glance at his companion; looking up at the man the dog felt safe. Together their breathing fell into sync and the man and his dog slept through the night.

In the morning the dog woke to the sound of the door objectively being opened by the man. The man and the door gazed out together at the wind. The door, having just woken from a dream where it was once again a tall oak, was slightly angry, and with the help of the wind protested to the man by slamming closed. Leaving the silent figure to observe the wind and the day in solitude.

It’s a fine day for a walk, the man said to no one in particular. The door heard, but was still a little pissed from having been woken from its nostalgic dream, and in response to the comment shrugged and went back to sleep, unsuccessfully trying to grope at the remnants of its dream.

The man stood in defiance head on into the wind, it’s just you and me today wind, he muttered to himself. He walked around the small rectangular cabin till he reached the opposite side where there was a small shed to match the small cabin. There among the depleted pile of wood was his axe. Picking it up and swinging it over his shoulder, the man left the shed and walked back around the cabin to the front door. The only door. From there he set out to do the days work of collecting firewood.

The day went by quite uneventfully for the dog and the door and the bricks. The dog lay around for the most part of the day, wondering what it would be like to be the man. 'In my next life I think ill be a human' the dog said to himself. He got up twice during the day, the first time to get a drink of water out of his special bowl and the second to stretch his legs and relocate himself on the mans couch. 'I'll just keep it warm for him' the dog said to himself. The dog often talked to himself; it gave him something to do during the long days when the man was gone. The door and the bricks didn’t say too much.

The sun descended in the early sky as it always does in the winter. The moon rose into the sky as it always does at night time. And as always, the man returned from his day abroad.

The door welcomed him warmly, with a friendly creak. The dog affectionately let out a little bark and ran lovingly through the legs of the man. Saying hello in its own little way. The bricks were still asleep from the night before. The man let out a tired sigh as he collapsed onto his couch. Immediately regretting the sigh and the collapse, for there was not yet a fire in the sleeping bricks that made up his hearth. He rose and left the cabin, only to return with an armload of wood from the day’s labours. He went about resurrecting the fire and when it was again alive and magnificent, he sat back on his couch. He pat his dog and the dog was happy. The door, feeling the heat from the burning fire was also happy and the bricks, returning from their slumber wished they’d never fall asleep again.
__________________
Xeres
Xeres is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-27-2004, 11:26 AM   #2
Scribe
 
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: USA
Posts: 85
Jack Wyvern
Send a message via AIM to Jack Wyvern Send a message via MSN to Jack Wyvern
A rather strange way to begin something. I have never imagined the world from the view point of a door or a brick.

Besides the fact that eveyone was content and happily doing their jobs, I didn't see much point to this. Maybe I missed it. Maybe it was the dogs revelation that it would be a man in its next incarnation.

Your topic description leads me to believe that more is to follow. If so, I'm not sure how well this will tie into it. As far as hooks go, your fishing without bait. Nothing really caught my interest and if it had been too long, I'm sure I would have skipped to the end.

I hope this isn't taken as me being mean. I just don't see any point to this story.

Of course that's just my opinion...I could be wrong.
Good luck with it.
__________________
QUANDO OMNI FLUNKUS MORITATUS
---
"The cost of freedom is eternal vigilance."
Want a WriterBuddy? Let's talk about it.
http://webwyvern.deviantart.com
Jack Wyvern is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

vB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off


All times are GMT -5. The time now is 06:16 AM.
Powered by vBulletin, Copyright ©2000-2007, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
LinkBacks Enabled by vBSEO 3.1.0


 
You are NOT Logged In.
User Name:

Password




Related Links

Link to Us:
Writing Forums - Discussions for Writers