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Not a bad beginning idea. It has the feel of a rough draft, a little too quick and a little too explanatory, but the writing is solid enough and your characters, especially Alester and Cheslar, have the natural feel of actual people. It seems that there is and interesting enough plot, at least for a beginning, as well. Considering that you've said it's a rough draft, I'll only give you a few short recommendations. One is to smooth out your scene changes. Not too difficult, and not too bothersome. It helps if you try to cut out some of the unneccessary portions, anythign not really important to chracter development or scene development, or make those bits that are a little weak stand out more in the progression. You should also try to avoid explaining things point blank. Again, since it's a rough draft, I assume that it was more for getting the ideas on paper than really presenting a clean story. All the same, it's usually better not to explain things out right, but let things explain themselves.
I'll also drop my standard bit of advice on you. Take your time. Especially since you say it has the scope of an epic. Don't let your events get ahead of you, and don't rush yourself through scenes. Just take your time, and it will come out very well, I'd wager.
Well done.
-Kitten
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Cadmus: Poor child, like a white swan warding its weak old father, why do you clasp those white arms about my neck?
Euripides; 'The Bacchae'
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