Hey there, I think I might have posted this in the wrong board yesterday so I thought it best to re-post it here.....
Please find below a short story I wrote last weekend, that forms part of the history for the novel I have been planning for the past two years. So far I have a lot of background information (about 200 pages) for characters, places and events that happen, both in the tale I plan to tell as the main story and all the histories of the peoples and such. Its something that has emerged and been devoping over the last two years and I am quite happy with the way it seems to have taken on a life of its own. I
know I need to edit a lot of what I have,and I am aware that this piece needs a lot more work but I am concerned chiefly at present with all the raw stuff I can get down from the deeps of my mind concerning the whole world of Ava. Please read it if you have time and let me know what you think, that is what I am after at the moment. I want to see if it grabs peoples attention, or if it is too much the same as what has gone before....etc...
There are a few names and the like that you will find in [ ] this simply means I am using a temporary name that I would like to change, any help with those would be much appreciated, although you might want/need to know a bit more about my story for this.
Any help or comments at all will be appreciated, thank you muchly
The Fall of the Rune Kingdom.
During the Second Age of the world, the power of Ava lay chiefly in its two greatest mountain ranges, that stretched from the western to the eastern shores. The vast expanse of the north was held by the Mountains of Dreams, which after descending into a gap of hills ascended into the Rune Mountains.
Thus the Rune Kingdom of old was vast and the people were of great power. The evil that befell at the time of Empress Lamia’s death bought its days of glory to an end. The greatest and most respected lord of the kingdom, Saracen had yearned and harnessed a dark desire for power and majesty since meeting a hooded stranger who came out of the north as a great war was looming in that region. It was the secret civil war that Saracen waged that helped bring the downfall of the ancient power of King Sirrius.
Due to the kingdoms of old being so vast, the peoples falling under their dominion were of different races and kinds. Lord Saracen was of an Immortal race of men, descended from the Great Immortals though indirectly. The Great Immortals inhabited the four outer continents from the dawn of time until their fading at the end of the First Age. These people were akin to those who are directly descended from this powerful race of people, who long ago settled in Ava forming the coastal provinces of Erindallath in the southeast and Erindelleth in southwest.
There were six main provinces governed and ruled by the hidden Rune Kingdom. The capital city of Nireath was hidden amid the encircling Rune Mountains. The northern province [need name] was a short distance away beyond the gap in the two great mountain ranges. It was a small woodland realm consisting of five villages. Some were made up of huts that were hidden amongst vast bushes and the others of secret tree houses high above the ground. The second province [Erinder] was the smallest in both population and the area it covered from the Western Wall of the Rune Mountains to the eastern banks of the river Evermore. These people were ancestors of the people of the country of Evermore, which was formed during the Third Age when the river-folk first took thought of settling in one place in Ava. During the second age they had travelled only on the rivers in the southern kingdom after leaving Erindelleth in the southwest.
The third province [Lochalen] was the one of which Saracen was lord. It was relatively small and the people tended to dwell mainly in two dense areas. One in the northeast of the lands at the feet of the southern wall of the mountains near the banks of the river. The other was the chief city and in the east of the lands they claimed near to where the small river that issued from the mountains marked the border with the fourth province [Secreana]. This was of a similar size to Saracen’s realm but held as all the lands east and north of the river to the shores of the sea. Thus here of old dwelt many of the great immortals longing to sail back to the countries they had been exiled from. The main population did live in a dense area near the eastern banks of the small bordering river. This chief city was directly opposite and facing that of Saracen’s realm, and even in the long years of peace the two could never be said to have been allies.
The fifth province [need name] was made up of peoples regarded as the most fierce and strong in Ava. The southern Barbarians were of a great number, held under the dominion of the southern kingdom by two powerful sorcerers sent by King Sirrius. They were bewitched into submission and order. It was Lord Saracen’s intention to ally himself closely with these people and free them from their bonds. It had been common that with wars and battles vast armies of these barbarians were sent to fight for the Rune Kingdom. They were of mortal blood and yet extremely hard to kill, a small group regularly guarded the entrance to the hidden kingdom yet they were never allowed to find the way or enter themselves.
The sixth province [need name] was the most vast covering the remainder of the lands in the south, below the great river to the sea. The many peoples of this province were all mortals and scattered widely. One large town was deep inside the [Southern Forest]. There were, however many small villages and settlements but these people were wanderers loving to travel far around their own country. In the beginning of days it has been said that some even ventured further, into Saracen’s realm and beyond. Other tales tell of a visit to Centaur in the Far West and a great friendship with the chiefs of the Elf Kingdom on the far southeast peninsula.
While the second age lasted an uneasy peace began to diminish between these provinces. The doom came at an ill-chosen time for darkness had already seemed to have fallen on the world. News came out of the north from the country of Kashmyre telling of war thus the King was requested to send many great numbers of fighters to help defend the Northern Kingdom. As the war went on Sirrius eventually had to send his own Royal Guard for this was the law that bound the two kingdoms together. If one of the kingdoms is under attack from a more powerful enemy force, the Royal Guards of the other kingdom must ride to their defence. Thus against his will, King Sirrius sent his strongest and most trusted guards to the war in the north knowing this would signal the doom of the south.
As well as sending the majority of his Barbarian warriors, which was the first cause of their diminishing, he also commanded all of the fighters from the vast southern province and so the peoples of these villages were left defenceless. With the growing darkness in the north, a cold shadow fell upon the south. The first day of summer bought a terrible storm, which left behind a lingering madness on those that survived. It raged on for six days in this southern province claiming many lives and several villages were reduced to ruins as if in the blink of an eye. The Shape-shifters who dwelt along the Shapeless Shores along the south coast attacked many of the villages that were near their borders; this was due to the madness of the storm that passed out into the sea through their lands. With extremely limited defences and no warriors these quickly fell into ruin. Ten days after the storm had left behind such devastation, the survivors waited patiently for news of aid from the hidden city but none came. That evening as the sun went down behind the mountains far away, a huge wave of light was seen flying from No Mans Land into the southern realm. It seemed to move at great speed and the people in the villages to the north near the banks of the river heard a moaning as if it were grabbing for their hearts. This wave was actually a mixture of mangled dark spirits awoken from the deeps of the Earth. [Legend tells here dwells the dark spirits of the fallen Gods since the Battle of the Gods long before even the First Age when only the [Immortal Children] beheld the Earth.] These spirits devoured most of those peoples who had survived the ravaging storm. Once they had fed on these small villages they proceeded south and east until resting in the mountains by the sea.
Here they remained until the coming of the Dwarfs, who drove them out.
By the onset of winter still no aid had come from the King, but Sirrius knew of the fate of this province and was pained not to be able to provide the aid he should have. This was of course due to the war in the north, which was still requiring his strength, both physical and magical. The signs of the inner disturbance started to become clear as a handful of refugees from this southern province had wandered through the now sparsely populated Barbarian lands. The first three parties made it into Saracen’s realm but he was unwilling to allow them to settle. He refused all requests for much needed aid and banished them under threat of execution. Thus they fled in fear of this dark lord up into the smallest province. It is not known for certain, but those among these first three parties to make it out of the south said that a further eight parties of people were ready to leave on the same path they had taken but nothing was heard of them after. It is believed by the wise, that with the uprising of Saracen he had waylaid all eight remaining parties and commanding a small army of Barbarians had them all slain before focussing his attention on the remaining provinces in the Rune Kingdom. Saracen worked with such stealth no news of this came to any other in the region not even to the King, who was himself far-sighted, in his hidden city.
During this winter, Saracen had no contact with the hooded stranger and no tidings came out of the north regarding the war. The people of the Rune Kingdom lived in constant fear of dark foes assailing them. Saracen began to breed and train the remaining Barbarians in his own lands after emptying all their lands and taking anything he could make use of. In doing this he had stormed the hiding place of the two powerful sorcerers sent by the King and in slaying them cruelly he extracted all the power they had within them. This no doubt he had learned from the hooded stranger he had been meeting so frequently.
On the first day of spring a messenger rode to the King out of the Northern Kingdom with tidings at long last. The last battle had been long and many had fallen yet the lands were held free for now. Scouts had however confirmed what the wise had foreseen. An army greater than the vast number who had invaded before were marching for war. Thus the final battalion of warriors he could allow to leave his realm, Sirrius ordered to the north. These were largely from the fourth province, [Secreana]. Saracen’s spies waited in vain for them to leave so that he could begin the second battle in his civil war, which is what he did. Secreana was taken, the lord claiming all the land to the shores of the sea. Many of the people from here died resisting the armies from Lochalen but they proved too strong and numerous for them. There were also many who had already been seduced by Saracen’s lies and threats, these rose against their own Lord and kin joining in the dark lords fight.
With the Kings complete attention on the matters of the war in the north, and only a skeleton crew of warriors left to protect the southern kingdom Saracen’s time had now come. It was in this hour that he marshalled all his armies and after a long discussion with the hooded stranger he emptied his lands heading for the small province of Erinder. Taking this province was an easy enough task slowing them down not at all. The armies rested here to prepare for the final assault on the hidden kingdom.
In dealing with matters of the Great War in the north, Sirrius surely had laid bare his own realm and Saracen’s treachery he soon realised to its full. Queen Claudia seeing the doom to come called out to the white winged mares for help and protection. The dawn of the following day thousands of these magnificent creatures came flying over the mountains from the east. In days long gone by, they used to wander the forest in there thousands yet they remained somewhat solitary troubling no others. Becoming weary of the evils in the world they departed to their own original lands in Ava, though to this day no one knows where that was. It was through the Ultimate Powers that they heard the cries of Queen Claudia, although unknown to any this was to lead to their own doom. King Sirrius mounted the chieftain of the mare army and using the power of the mountains he rode them into the final battle of the civil war in pursuit of victory and honour. Lord Saracen, however having taken the power from the two sorcerers that were holding the Barbarians and twisting it to his dark thought and will had his own plans of victory.
It was soon revealed that the hooded stranger was a necromancer and through him Saracen had learned such black arts that now allowed him to summon forth Manchiqua, the dragon of death. He descended on the mountains with his large race of dragons outnumbering the mares almost eight times over. In spite of this the battle waged on for four days as the King commanded what few of his men were left together with the mares. This he did with the help of his wife who remained in the castle at the centre of the hidden city of Nireath channelling the power from the mountains.
The dragons of darkness however breathe a deadly fire containing a poison that paralyses the mind of any that inhale its dark grey fumes. Some of these ancient beasts are red with two small black wings high up on their backs. Others are black with two large wings of red growing from their lower backs. From the air these dragons continued their attack, whilst on the ground the army of Barbarians and men from the southern provinces advanced to the hidden city destroying all in their path who resisted them.
On the fourth day of the battle, Manchiqua descended on the castle where Sirrius had now been forced to retreat. The fires that came from him burned the ancient building into ruins that stand to this day. Filled with wrath, Sirrius, the King of the Rune Kingdom issued forth from the burning castle on the chieftain of the mares. They rode against the Barbarians who could only remember their own enslavement at the hands of this lord. Showing no mercy they battled on and on until at last Saracen met the King in combat. They fought for many hours both being of a great power, even though that of Saracen’s was borrowed whereas the power of the Rune Mountains was within Sirrius himself. The Kings wrath was terrible not only for the betrayal of a Lord he respected above most others but because at the hands of this Lord his beloved wife, Queen Claudia had perished in the burning of the castle. It did not avail him though for Saracen cast Sirrius’ spirit into an exile that he did not deserve and all his power was taken and lost forever. His spirit did not loose the strength it had been made with, which endured into this exile. Yet grieved was he ever after for the loss of his Queen who rumour tells dwells still as a spirit in a reforged castle.
For many days after this final battle and the fall of the King the fires continued to burn in the hidden city and around the villages sheltered by the encircling mountains, not least the flames engulfing the castle. All of the white winged mares met their death in this terrible battle for though they were mighty and powerful, the fierce dragons outnumbered them. As the days passed after the battle Saracen’s divided armies seemed to realise their deeds of death and destruction. Many turned against each other and the Lord who had mercilessly held them under his thrall, which was now ending. He had lost most of his powers after summoning the dragons, if it had remained he intended to take the castle and Nireath claiming all the southern kingdom for his own. With his final amount of sorcery, Saracen sent the surviving dragons, together with Manchiqua deep within the pits of the earth in the mountains in the far northeast of Ava.
As the divided survivors in Saracen’s armies fought against each other they began to journey back to their own provinces, releasing themselves from all of the bonds with this dark lord and the deeds he had mastered. He still held power over the people of [Lochalen], his own province that protected him from the wrath of the knights of the others. Upon returning to the eastern city he fortified all the lands near to the banks of the river setting up many small garrisons. He then had raised a palace in the centre of the plains of the realm and proclaimed himself the King of [Lochalen].
No further news came out of the north for some time concerning the Great War and the vastness of the southern kingdom seemed to be forgotten. With the formation of the Kingdom of [Lochalen] those Lords in the remaining provinces thought that to best affirm their freedom and authority they should also form their own kingdoms. [Secreana], what had been the fourth province from the banks of the river running from the southern wall of the mountains to the shores of the sea was fortified and a King was chosen to govern thereafter.
After the third battle, [Erinder] had lost most of its own people. The survivors remained ever sorrowful and lamenting after the break-up of the whole kingdom. To protect themselves they formed what became known as the Little Kingdom, but kept the name of the province as had the others. The Lord here, was a wanderer with no great city or castle in which to dwell.
The woodland realm to the north, beyond the gap had not been caught up in the war of the south. They were concerned only with the war in the north for they would be the first of the south to fall and the last hope. Yet they remained free from attacks on both fronts, though it is certain Saracen intended to claim their realm as his also. They called the Wizard Salinae after news reached them of the final battle and a small group of them travelled to the fallen city. Afterwards in their own province, Salinae raised for them a huge tower and they chose a King to govern them.
What few hoards of Barbarians remained returned to their lands but these were now scattered widely. Here they stayed hidden, troubling no other providing no other passed through their lands. Their Queen was terrible and true, more ruthless than any that had come before or would after. The fate of the sixth province has been told, this became known as the Lost Realm. If travelling through the wilderness you might come across a small group of wandering folk. What has not been told is that the largest settlement of these people had long ago been established deep inside the [Southern Forest] being completely untouched by Saracen’s evil hand. This humble town endured for many an age after.
Salinae arrived at the hidden city before the Lords of the northern province, five days after the dragons had fled back to their caverns and the wizard now vanquished the fires. Upon finding the tall ruins of the castle he made his way to the citadel where he could see from within a white glow that had a silver shine. As he called out to the spirits he could feel, he heard the answers that came as music played from the heart of the summer. From it emerged what sounded to Salinae like a soft female voice humming. As he continued listening to the lamentation that followed he experienced that final battle in all its gore and darkness but with it he received the life energy contained within all those thousands of mares that had fallen.
As Salinae walked towards the huge hall, two angels were guarding its open door. Nothing but intense white light could be seen as if this was a gateway to some heavenly place. As they became aware of Salinae’s presence their huge wings spread out forming a physical barrier to the serene looking entrance. The wizard drew back his hood revealing his identity; his long red robes began to shine brightly amid the pure whiteness of the light coming from the hall. At this instance the form of both angels became clearer to him.
‘We knew you would come!’ a softly spoken voice in his head whispered. The angel with crystal blue eyes looked into his eyes deeply as these words were heard before his glance was drawn immediately to the
other angel’s emerald green eyes.
‘We have been waiting for you.’ And they relaxed their wings as they began moving with a gentle synchronised disposition turning towards the door through which Salinae could now hear the mares calling him. He followed the angels through feeling the cooling peace of the pure surrounding light. He could not see the walls or anything else inside this hall; the light was so intense it filled every pore of being. As the wizard continued in what direction he did not know he emerged from this light into what he recognised as the throne room of the King. Floating high above the Queen’s unscathed seat of power, a female figure hovered. She was glowing, long white robes draped about her with all the runes of power clearly marked. Her head was bowed low and as he got closer, Salinae could see tears falling from her sad looking face upon the hard stone floor where they vanished instantly. The mind of this spirit seemed to be troubled and as the two angels now stood tall in front of her adopting a defensive position, Salinae knelt down before her bowing his head to the floor whilst chanting an invocation in the ancient tongue. Her head lifted with her temperament and the angels began to ascend gently to her level where they hovered at her side.
It was revealed to Salinae that this was the spirit of Queen Claudia who ruled the Rune Kingdom of the south with her husband, Sirrius. When he looked into her eyes he felt much of her heartache and sorrow concerning the fall of the leaders of her peoples leaving behind a divided realm that would surely destroy itself without its spiritual leaders. After deep meditations amongst the angels the wizard called on the powers to restore the Rune Kingdom but before he began a final request was asked of him by the spirit Queen. That he takes into his care three white winged mares, the only three remaining having somehow survived the grim battle. Later meditations revealed that three angels who merged with three that had fallen had rekindled the fires in their hearts. Salinae kept for himself the chieftain, Astaytia who bore King Sirrius to his doom and kept under his protection the other two for a long time after. At some time during the fourth age he gave Raven to the High Queen of Witches, Indianna and Tara he gave to the prophet, Isorfir.
For a time Salinae became protector of the Rune Mountains and the only outsider to know all of its oldest secrets. He remained long in the lands of the Old Kingdom wandering amongst the ashes of great trees, stumbling across village folk who were lost and weary. In the time to follow the small kingdoms were founded and Salinae believed this was how the south could survive. Returning from the Crystal Castle after visiting the High King of witches in the Mountains of Dreams he raised a new castle in which the spirit Queen could be safe. Beyond the northern wall of the mountains, high up in the sky among the clouds the Castle of Clouds was created. Upon its completion the Queen appeared instantly with deep gratitude for the wizard. By this time, the countless trees that had been reduced to ash had already been fully restored and the few former lords and people of the hidden city and its surrounding areas entered the restored kingdom in the clouds never to leave again.
And so for a time there was peace in the lands of the Rune Kingdom but its people and its power were now greatly diminished. This came at the same time as the doom of the north. The power of the mountains was ending its dominion but none foretold the devastation befalling the Empress. For Salinae upon answering the call from the south left behind the war in the north. As King Sirrius fell in the final battle, the Empress Lamia was slain in her fortress on the [great lake] by the King of Tourmaline after all the long war waged by the same hooded stranger, the necromancer who had planted the seeds of doom for the southern kingdom.
Thank you for reading
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We are the children of the revolution, we must rise up in peace, for peace!
I'd say: keep up the good work and begin writing some time, 200 pages in an awful lot!
