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Criticism needed
Provincial exam time is near and because it is, i am preparing for it. On the provincial exam, one is given a poem to interpret. In this case the poem would be:
Here is a poem:
What i have left is imagining
i used to live in the arctic
but i left so often my leaving
became unoticed, an event
which slipped away
I used to live the arctic
thought i was a boomerang
my point of origin the north
but i grew up, here in the Cariboo
with bit and bridle, Bay and Appaloosa
instead of Inkukshuk and ulu, Char and Whitefish
I used to live in the arctic
found my ancestors footsteps in the Northwest passage
trailing behind Franklin and found
what it meant, for me, to be Metis
I used to live in the arctic
a place where my indian blood
found room to live, elliptical
it moved within me, solid as snow
smooth and clear as the first layer of ice over the waters of Great slave
I used to live in the arctic
and what i have left is imagining
imagine me talking to you
frost trailing out with my breath
pretend i speak sounds in the shape of syllables
say thank you in Dogrib , pretend i cry in cree
here is the exam question : In paragraph form and approx. 125-150 words with reference to the poem, discuss the narrator's attitudes towards the Arctic.
Keep in mind that i am a grade 12 student
Here is my response to the poem:
In the poem, the narrator expresses her attitudes towards the arctic. At first, the narrator is seemed to be sad. This is because often she would leave the artic and accordingly, no one would notice her leaving. But now, she has no opportunities to make trips back to the Arctic. The author then reassures herself that she is no longer a boomerang, for she grew up in the Cariboo and not in the artic. Furthermore, the author is proud of her heritage. She values and practices the Metis tradition, in that she feels that her blood is strong, just like her fellow Indians. She seems to imply that if she would have gained anything from the arctic, it would have been her pride in her tradition. Finally, the author looks back at her experiences in the Arctic. She will remember the times when she spoke her native languages, as well as the frost trailing out of the breath. The poem is an evident example of what it feels like to depart from something one loves.
*keep in mind we have 25 minutes to produce a response*
and now if you can please, judge this response on the provincial scale:
The following is the provincial scale
6 answer- the six response is superior and may draw upon any number of factors such as effectiveness of argument and levl of insight. the 6 response exhibits an effective writing style and a sophisticated use of language. despite its clarity and precision the 6 paper need not be error free
5 answer- reflects a strong grasp of topic and poem. the references to the poem may be implicit or explicit and convincingly suppoirt the students point of view. in both understanding and writing, the paper is proficient. the writing is well organized and reflects a strong command of the conventions of language.
4 answer - is competent. understanding of poem is accurate but rather superficial or somewhat incomplete, certainly not imaginative. references are present and suitable but may be limited to only part of the poem. the writing conveys the students views in an organized, straightforward fashion. errors are present but generally not distracting. overall, the studnet has good control of the conventions of langauge.
the 3 answer - barely adequate
the 2 - misunderstanding
Which would you give to me?
Please give me some suggestions of improvement.
If you were to write on this very topic, how would you write it concisely?
Thankyou , i really appreciate it,
sorry for the typing style
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