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Old 06-04-2004, 01:15 AM   #1
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Join Date: May 2004
Location: East Coast USA
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ink stained dreamer
Barefooted Innocence

[an:ba6fb13f11]I like this one a lot, and yet I'm not sure about its substance. I don't think I quite captured what I was picturing. How does it strike you?[/an:ba6fb13f11]

Barefooted Innocence

My wild child runs barefoot
And sings a piercing song
Close your eyes and hear
her lyric flow through your dream.

My wild child runs barefoot
She sees inside your heart
Don't try to hide lest her tear
Become your curse.

My wild child runs barefoot
Your piece of the world she watches
with care and peace
As you rest your weary brow.

One day when you're alone
She'll creep upon you with a kiss
No sound is made, because
my wild child runs barefoot.

[an:ba6fb13f11] A thought I just had, how would this work without the third stanza? blah I just need help. Gracias for reading. [/an:ba6fb13f11]
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Old 06-04-2004, 08:04 AM   #2
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Kermie04
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Ink Stained Dreamer,

I really liked this piece. I think that it is really well written. I read it through with and with out the third stanza. I really liked it better with the third stanza included. I feel that without the the third standza something is missing.
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