Aevin

[an:3c87874f06]This is kind of an unusual way to open a novel, but I decided opening with this letter would be an effective way of introducing some important things about the setting of this story. However, I'm afraid the product is a little too dry to serve as an opening. Any suggestions on how to make this more intense and interesting, as well as other suggestions, would be welcome.

You'll appreciate this more if you understand that the letter is written to an eight-year-old boy genius, who has fooled this man through letters into believing he is an intelligent adult politician.[/an:3c87874f06]
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Dear Mr. Young,

Thank you for the respect you have shown me in the wake of my son Brian's death. Conversations by letter are often so impersonal it is simple to forget real human beings are behind the words. Given the technical nature of our past correspondences, your expression of love was truly touching. It is painful and unnatural that an old man such as myself continues to live, while a child of eight is abruptly sent to the grave. No parent should have to outlive their child, and I hope you are spared such grief. Your kind words provided a small comfort in this time of sorrow, while contemplation of your theories is a perfect distraction to get my mind off the tragedy. In this way, your letters serve as a double comfort. Thank you, "Filius," for your concern and friendship.

As always, I was duly impressed by the considerations raised in your last letter. In spite of your "youthful" pen name, it becomes more obvious with every written word that you are, in fact, a man who has dedicated years of his life to the study of political thought. While your desire for anonymity is understandable considering the boldness of your theories, I must wonder why a man of such obvious intelligence chooses to remain only a name, a persona hidden in shadow. Perhaps you are already a powerful man in our government, and are afraid your career will be harmed if your identity is discovered? Rest assured, our conversations are entirely confidential, and you remain safe behind the black screen of your persona.

In spite of your usual brilliance, I notice certain naiveties in your theories. Of course, I realise your suggestions are meant to be viewed only as thought-provoking scenarious, but in some cases I believe the scenarios are not carried far enough. For example, I wonder how one might implement such drastic changes to the existing World Democracy without attracting the hostility of the general public. During my thirty years in politics, I have learned there is a force people fear more than recession--change. In theory, your temporary shift toward Dictatorship could provide the government with the muscle needed to repair the flailing economy. However, our world is small, news spreads quickly, and a public accustomed to Democracy could see such a change as threatening. Pushed to the extreme, such fear could result in rebellion. Again, I discuss these ideas only hypothetically, using our government as a loose example. Yet if your plans were to be implemented, how could the threat of rebellion be suppressed during such an obvious coup?

I have other questions as well. Assuming rebellion is not an issue, who could be chosen to lead the new government? Obviously, he would have to be extremely intelligent, experienced in political thinking, yet bold enough to make the necessary changes in the face of public hostility. He would also require a great deal of charisma, and a voice which demands attention and consideration. As the world stands, does such a man even exist? If a leader could be found, how could we be sure he wouldn't use his power to fulfill his personal ambitions?

Of course, these issues would be much simpler to discuss in person, and I sincerely wish you didn't feel the need to protect yourself through your alias. Regardless of your name, occupation or gender, your bold words carry a certain power that demands respect. It has certainly earned mine.

Sincerely,
Richard Delton: World Vice President

__________________
"Go to, like, greater adventures!"
--Din from Namco's Tales of the Abyss

Kat

Well it's certainly an original way to start a novel. I don't think I've ever read one that started with a letter. The letter itself is engaging. I would feel no qualms about using this as a beginning. You would have to continue the correspondence througout the story.

__________________
I have loved the stars too fondly to be fearful of the night. -Sarah Williams

Aevin

Thanks a lot, Kat, I'd just about convinced myself that titling this post "Political Letter" was comitting suicide as far as attracting readers.

I suppose starting this way is original, but not THAT orginal. A famous example of a book that starts with letters is Mary Shelley's Frankenstein. Frankenstein is actually an epistolary, which means the story is told entirely through the exchange of letters. In his Ender series, Orson Scott Card also commonly begins chapters with the exchange of Emails.

Here's something you may not have noticed, which I want to say for the sake of any other readers: it's not very overt. In the letter, Delton (the author) outlines the qualities needed in an effective leader--but within the letter itself, he praises his correspondent with all the qualities he lists. He calls Filius "brilliant," says he's experienced in politics, calls his words bold, and says his words carry power. While it's kind of obscure, this was meant to recall the list of qualities he feels are necessary for a leader.

Also, I thought I'd point out the irony of the pen name "Filius Young," which is also a little obscure. "Filius" is Latin for "son" or "child." So "Filius Young" could be read as "Young child"--a suitable pen name for an eight year old, methinks.

What an irritating habit! I've commented on my story more than you did. Anyway, I do thank you for your comments; it was great to hear an opinion from someone other than my best friend.

__________________
"Go to, like, greater adventures!"
--Din from Namco's Tales of the Abyss

Havoc

I actualy intend to CLOSE my novel with a letter... but starting wiht it is pretty new indeed . I think the fact it beginning with a letter is enough. After reading it you get a feeling like: Where was that about, and you start reading .

Aevin

That's ideally what this is supposed to accomplish, so I'm glad you said that. After the letter is finished, I switch to a scene of the boy reading it and laughing at the stupidity of the letter's author.

Thanks for commenting!

__________________
"Go to, like, greater adventures!"
--Din from Namco's Tales of the Abyss