This is a very short extract from my novel. It's the end of a scene, and I'm having trouble with where to finish it. Chou-Say (the second and youngest son of the King) found out about a plot to kill his father, but when he found out about it his father had already been poisioned (Thou Chou didn't know this) He had been in the old disused secreay spy passages when he found out, and it was quickest to go straight to his father rather than the guard, besides, he wasn't thinking straight. Anyway, here it is:
~
“Father! Father” Chou-Say shouted. He barged into his father’s chambers. Inside his father, King Ki-Tut of the Karlands Lay on his pallet, eyes closed.
“Father” Chou-Say chocked as he knelt beside his him. His father’s chest rose and Chou-Say’s initial relief at seeing life soon died when he sensed the shadow of death that hung over his father. He would not live much longer.
“Mou-Say” His father opened foggy eyes. “I knew you would come, my son, my heir.”
Chou-Say could not correct his father. He simply said.
“I am here, Father.”
“Good.” His father took a ragged breath. “Take your brother, and your sisters, and all who will follow you, and go find Targ. Tell him what has happened. He will know what to do. I trust him, trust him.”
“Father.” Chou-Say held his fathers head and buried his tear-streaked face in his hair. “I will, Father”
“This kingdom should be yours now… m-my brother…”
“I know, father. I came, but I came too late.”
“No, my son. You came in time. Listen. The wilderness is your home now.” His father paused as he laboured to breath. Chou-Say listened carefully, memorizing every word for his elder brother. “Remember. Keep my people loyal. My kingdom, our reign, Mou-Say, shall not truly die till there are none left loyal to me. To you.” Chou-Say bent his head closer to his father. His words were becoming fainter. “It is up to you, Mou-Say, my eldest, to keep my spirit alive in my, your people. Our people. Keep my spirit alive, my son.”
King Ki-Tut of the karlands then closed his eyes and lived no more.
“The King is dead” Chou-Say whispered, touching his hand to his heart. He thought of his brother, made King and outcast on the same day. “All hail the king”
Chou-Say wiped the tears of his face and slipped behind his father’s wardrobe, his late father’s wardrobe, into the labyrinth of secret passageways and corridors that lay behind in the walls and foundations of the castle.
~
now, Ive got three ideas of where to finish it. The first is to leave it how it is, I'm nopt sure I like that one, but I don't know if It's necessary to include Chou-Say leaving, I'm thinking maybe not.
The second option is to finish it after "King Ki-Tut of the karlands then closed his eyes and lived no more."
The third is to finish it at “All hail the king”.
Any imput would be appreciated, if you want to see the stuff leading up to or directly after it just let me know.
Thanks
Oh, and any other comments you may have are welcomed.
