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Old 11-05-2003, 03:44 PM   #1
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phantom73
Wolves

My Day As A Wolf

Nine year old Justin Dorman sat at his desk staring at the blank computer screen. His left arm is enclosed in a cast up to his elbow. He stares at the blank screen for several moments and then slowly turns on the computer. Several minutes pass and then he begins to type:
I used to think that wolves were vicious animals that would attack anyone or anything on sight. My Dad even said wolves were known to attack and kill their own young. I know differently now. It all started with the strange coin that I found buried out in my backyard. I had been playing with a friend and we were digging at the far end of the yard pretending to be archaeologists, when I uncovered the coin. It was about the size of a half-dollar and was the color of old tarnished brass. There was a pyramid on the back center of the coin and some strange lettering on the front, curving around the image of a wolf’s head.
My friend insisted that it was a genuine artifact from an ancient civilization. At the time I thought that this was impossible. Now I am not so sure. In fact I don’t know what to think of the coin, which sits in a jar, in a corner of my bookshelf. Anyway that night before going to bed my dad was flipping through the channel on the television with the remote. One of the stations he stopped at was showing a movie where this girl was being attacked by a pack of wolves. Looking at the television I had thought how typical that was, wolves attacking people. I fell asleep with that thought on my mind and the ancient coin sitting on the bookshelf next to my bed.
I woke up the next morning to find myself lying on a hillside in the middle of a forest. Wondering where I was and what had happened I stood up……on all fours! Looking down I saw that I had four paws, gray fur and a bushy tail. What was going on here? Figuring that I must be dreaming I got up and decided to look around. Not knowing how to walk on four feet I got my paws all tangled up and rolled head over tail down the hill. I landed hard on my left front paw and heard something snap as an excruciating pain raced up the length of my leg. I cried out in pain and heard a high pitched yelp. This wasn’t a dream.
After several attempts I finally managed to stand on three legs. When I finished whimpering, I realized that I could hear water running not far from where I was standing. I also realized I was very thirsty. I decided to try and head for the stream that must be close by. It took me several minutes and a few nasty falls to figure out how to walk on three legs. After I began to get the hang of it I headed off in the direction of the running water.
Upon reaching the stream I carefully lowered my head to drink, and was met with the reflection of a wolf pup staring right back at me. Heaving a huge sigh I began to lap up the cool clear water. Suddenly I heard a noise from behind me. I turned around and saw a man holding a gun step out from the bushes. He pointed it at me and fired. Luckily for me he missed. I ran as fast as I could on three legs, finding it easier to do when I wasn’t thinking about it. I kept on running trying to get as far away as I could from the man with the gun. I couldn’t believe it. Someone had actually shot at me, a wolf pup who hadn’t hurt anyone!
I finally stopped upon entering a clearing occupied by a pack of wolves. This is it I thought. They’ll all come after me and rip me to pieces. To my surprise one of the wolves, a white female, slowly approached me and began to lick my broken leg. Then she led me over to where a freshly killed deer lay off to one side of the clearing and nudged me closer. They were inviting me to eat with them. If I hadn’t been very hungry I never would have tried to eat raw meat. When I was finished eating the same white wolf came over and licked me clean. Then she invited me over to meet the other pups in the pack.
I didn’t know what to think. Humans had tried to hurt me and wolves had helped me. Apparently I had a lot to learn about wolves. That day I was well taken care of by the wolf pack that had adopted me. The other wolf pups were eager to play with me and all of the adults looked after me, and made sure that I had enough to eat. They also tended to my hurt leg. That night when the wolves lay down to sleep they made sure that I had a warm place to sleep. The white female that had first approached me lay down close beside me so that I would be warm.
The next morning I woke up in my own bed and would have thought that the whole experience was just a dream if it wasn’t for the pain in my left arm. To this day my parents still can’t figure out how I broke it, or my sudden interest in wolves. I think I must have checked out all of the library’s books on that particular subject. Now that I know that wolves are not the vicious killers that I once thought they were I will have to inform others of this misconception and to share my experience with them. Do you think that they will believe me?
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Old 11-05-2003, 04:16 PM   #2
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I had a bit of a problem with the concept of the piece. I'm not too sure who the audience is? That and wolves helping wolves doesn't really translate into trust in wolves helping humans.

The first paragraph has a couple issues.

"I had been playing with a friend and we were digging at the far end of the yard pretending to be archaeologists, when I uncovered the coin."

Would probably read better as:

"My friend and I uncovered it digging around, pretending to be archaeologists."

There are places throughout the piece that could benefit from different punctuation. Maybe some extra commas, an m-dash or two, etc.

I didn't really feel the emotion in this piece--the excitement or fear of discovering you're now a wolf, the pain of the broken leg, the relief of being brought into the pack--and I think it's really suffering because of it.
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Old 11-13-2003, 08:18 PM   #3
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He takes it lightly that he's a wolf and quickly adapts which makes it seem fake. C'mon even if he thinks it's a dream he would try a test like flying or something. How does seeing a reflection of a wolf in the water make him sigh in relief shouldnt it scare him. Methinks you should also go into more detail about his first experience in eating raw-meat. Also you say the other wolfs tended to his wounds, maybe you should elaborate on that since what can a wolf with no hands do?
Basically more detail and make him more apprehensive and not just go along with everything.
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