MChanady

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Lily

I'll be back with more comments once I have time to read your essay thoroughly, but here's one suggestion: a really good way to edit essays is to read it aloud to yourself. Ideally, you should read it aloud to others, but I'm uncomfortable with that myself, so I just read my stuff aloud to myself in my room until I could edit stuff in my mind. By reading it aloud, you should be able to identify awkward sentences, mis-used words, whatever. That might eliminate about half of your problems

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Insufferable Know-it-all.

Lily

Sorry it took so long for me to come back to this- life has been really crazy so far! I promise I will read through this and give as much help as I can.

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Insufferable Know-it-all.

Lily

Sorry it took so long for me to come back to this- life has been really crazy so far! I promise I will read through this and give as much help as I can.

Mike, excellent work! You have me more convinced than I was before that schools should have uniforms . Here are a couple suggestions: I would recommend citing your statistics, otherwise it would be easy for teachers or others to accuse you of either fabricating facts or plagarizing them, and that's never good. Secondly, proofreading is essential. I caught a couple minor grammar mistakes, such as extra commas and such. Finally, as I mentioned to you previously, reading your work aloud is always a big asset. By reading aloud, you'll be able to check the flow of your writing and you very well might be able to catch some grammar mistakes before your teacher does!

I hope my comments didn't come too late- sorry this took so long, senior year is INSANE

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Insufferable Know-it-all.

STONEANGEL444

Your story is well researched with regard to the facts as people standing on the outside looking in, may view both the problem and the solution. As you stated a number of times, the statistics speak only facts. As a writer it becomes part of your responsibility to deal with the emotional and long term benefits/negatives. Perhaps you could give consideration to two other areas. 1. What other steps were taken by the educators to additionally provide a safe and secure enviroment. Did the teachers feel more secure enabling them the improve their own performance? 2. As a person wearing a school uniform ask yourself : Am I now focusing on improving the person within through hard work rather than improving the person outside with the help of the latest fashion designer. Who I am about to become now depends only on the person I see within not the person others see. The possible hypothesis: Will this change enable me to become real? Something in that train of thought. Now you have a story others demand to read. Good Luck. It is hot topic and the politicians seldom have the answers.

Sneaky

I too, would back up the essay with some numbers, not only stating that it had benefical effects.

And by the way: your statement "basic north american values" that sounds very odd. racial prejudice Seriously, that sounds pompous.