Kitten Courna

I posted this on Lit.org, and it's been peeving me a little. People seem to like it better without the last line, which I had neglected to include in the original post. I'm not sure that I meant for it to be liked so much as thought about, but that's beyond my control anyway. I'd just like to see what the forum has to say.

___

Paper


Nothing comforts me as much as a fresh page to lay my head on. Cold paper against fevered cheek, thought slipping slowly down, directly from ear to sheet, accomplishing nothing but dreams of writing itself. Ear to the words not yet written; hearing blind deafness called upward, filling what is emptied with the sights of the mind and the sound of pattering words, tripping lightly on stilted legs. They come to settle themselves in a gelatinous puddle of ink at the edge of the paper, under a mislaid pen. Sleeping on cold paper, letting no barrier stand between my unconscious and the words which manifest. Under brilliant sunlight, shining sheet reflecting, on a warm summer day. Nothing comforts me as much as lying on cold paper in the depth of afternoon, with the peace of mind to enjoy it, accomplishing nothing but dreams.

This, perhaps, the only thing I lie with in my life, and it is cold.


-Kitten

__________________
Cadmus: Poor child, like a white swan warding its weak old father, why do you clasp those white arms about my neck?
Euripides; 'The Bacchae'

Lily

I really like what you've written!! There were, however, a couple sentences that seemed unclear to me; I don't know if it was just an artistic technique or something unintentional. Anyway, here they are:

. . .hearing blind deafness called upward, filling what is emptied with the sights of the mind and the sound of pattering words, tripping lightly on stilted legs.

The phrase in bold was what puzzled me- I don't know about anyone else, but I think you need to reword it to make your meaning clearer.

This, perhaps, the only thing I lie with in my life, and it is cold.

I think the phrase should be 'this is, perhaps . . .'- nothing truly puzzling, just a nitpicky thing. I think it could be okay to leave the 'is' out, but I'm not entirely sure . . .


Otherwise, I love what you've written. The rythm is quite hypnotic and soothing (perhaps what I've just written is redundant- I'm not sure), and the imagery is great. Good job!!

__________________
Insufferable Know-it-all.

Kitten Courna

Finally, I respond most gratefully!

The contradiction of terms was a little much in that first phrase, but I was rather hoping it would make the reader think and imagine. Letters neither see, hear, or speak, but at the same time they hear, see and speak about everything...It was just a many layered idea.

I think I meant to put an is there...I rather like it sans the 'is', but it really doesn't make too much sense. you have a good point about it.

Thank you for your comment! I'm glad you liked it in its entirety. The last line still bothers me, though. Ah well. Thanks!

-Kitten

__________________
Cadmus: Poor child, like a white swan warding its weak old father, why do you clasp those white arms about my neck?
Euripides; 'The Bacchae'