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Old 08-26-2003, 11:00 AM   #1
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Join Date: Aug 2003
Posts: 4
Matrix
Drowning Doubts

Okay so this is a free verse, and i can never get free verse because I always rhyme, so please tell me if this is okay, because free verse never sounds right to me, or maybe i just do it wrong. I need some direction! If it sucks, tell me it sucks.

Drowning Doubts

All these thoughts,
swimming in my head,
are slowly drowning me
Submerging me in a pool of my own insecurities

But then you come to me
and it’s like a cloudless day
Any lingering doubts
are washed away by the warm caress of sun

But then we must part
and I am amidst the rain again,
showering questions
Only to be rescued by your voice, your touch, your kiss

And so I wait for the rain to stop falling,
the pool to start draining,
and my doubts to start fading
I wait for you.
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Old 08-27-2003, 10:28 PM   #2
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Location: NW Indiana
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droper
I'm not sure what makes a 'good' poem. I write what I feel and I like what makes me feel something. Reading your poem I can remember specific incidents in my life and I remember the feelings that are referenced. to me it reads at a pace that feels comfortable and the emotuion is real. I say 'Good Job' and keep it up.
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Old 12-06-2004, 10:18 PM   #3
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huni is an unknown quantity at this point
Matrix, hello to you and welcome by the way. I've been away and am just catching on the new ones.
I like the way you showed the insecurities in a relationship with out spelling it out in too many words. Also the neat way you showed the swings and ups and downs in love. You have the makings of good writing here. This piece flowed well in the narrative and you kept the theme together nicely with the 'pool' idea. Well done - keep posting. regards huni.
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