aubie84

Author's note: No title yet, but I'd like to
know what you think. Please read and review.
DG

Words
Fly at me
Through windows
Of memory ---
Some spoken,
Some thought,
Still more merely
Understood.
I grasp for them,
But most escape me.
Those caught
End up in poetry,
Or some nonsensical
Turn of a phrased
Remembrance.

Words
Fly from me,
From my mind's
Severed artery ---
Some helpful,
Some hurtful,
Still more merely
Making fun.
At best,
They end in poetry,
Or some symmetrical
Snapshot of soul's
Surveillance.

A man in a bar,
The light from a star.
There's a poem
Wherever
I are.

My fingers are jonesing
For the weight of the pen,
The sight of the page
The heft on an "N."
My heart beats aflutter
Midst fiery reflection
On things you'd not see
Without my direction.

Bartleby

Having all that talent a short fiction and now I find you're an excellent poet too?

Now I'm really starting to hate you.

Just kidding really.

Excellent poem here, although it suffers from lack of title in my opinion.

Lines that stick out as being particularly good.

"Snap shot of a soul's survaillence"

The whole last stanza, especially the "heft of an N" line.

Great stuff David. Please keep them coming. I'm nearly salivating at the thought of reading more of this exceptional work.

__________________
~ Adventure, Excitement, a Jedi craves not these things. - Silent Bob

Kitten Courna

*grudgingly* this is good stuff, though to me it sounds sing-song, more like some kind of lyrics. The tone changes are nice, and give it depth and show something of the author's vioce. I don't think it suffers from lack of a title, but I'm notoriously bad wth titles.

__________________
Cadmus: Poor child, like a white swan warding its weak old father, why do you clasp those white arms about my neck?
Euripides; 'The Bacchae'

jongleur

The flow is what grasped me the most about this. I think it was the monotone voice that you presented it in.

Nice job. I look forward to reading more.


TTFN
Jongleur

amie

I love the last two lines, really great. I am slightly torn by the movement into rhyme in the final two stanzas. Just reading it, I was a little turned off by the rhyme, but then the interpretaive side of my kicked in, and perhaps it's the development into poetry that is talked about throughout the poem. I still haven't decided, but I think the last two lines save it for me...good work.

- amie -