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Originally Posted by Kayleigh7
Chapter 1/Prologue-
I’ve killed someone.
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Whoah there, I'm draw in.
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It wasn’t premeditated, but a rather unfortunate set of circumstances that were very much under my control. I could have prevented it, stopped it even, but unfortunately, that was not the case. God do I wish it had been.
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Building up sympathy somewhat here. It's a good transition from the opening line, and makes you wonder what kind of person he is.
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I caused it. Well, me and the twelve beers and four shots of tequila that I had consumed that night.
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Here already I knew what is going to happen. I think it might be better to open it a bit slower that he was drunk, because I've already guessed he's going to get into a car crash.
You do a good job at making us both like and hate the main character with the paragraph he tells about her.
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The smell of hot rubber mixed with the wet asphalt was as welcoming to me as a freshly baked apple pie.
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This seemed a bit forced to me, didn't flow well with the rest of the voice to me.
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The acrid scent of leaking radiator fluid, sweat, damp earth, and something else, something almost metallic was permeating the air. It was blood.
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Great description. It's like I'm there, in the car.
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Unconsciousness finally claimed me, but not before I heard the other EMT say the worst two words of my lfe. "She's Dead."
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Good way of wrapping things up. We're hit with the gravity of his mistake once more. It starts with him admitting to killing someone, ends with him killing someone.
Overall I liked it, but it seemed to go by really fast. I really like the main characters brutally straightforward way of describing things. Keep writing.
