Creep

It was just an idea, something to bring out my hiding muse.



Vampires aren’t magical or captivating. They don’t feel love or compassion for anything, only a burning hatred that comes in a thirst; one for human blood. I should know because I have my own, personal vampire. He isn’t beautiful but he does hold some exotic quality about him that would draw you in. We have known each other for a while now, occasionally bumping into each other from time to time.
I can remember when we first met, it was nearly seventeen years ago. I was eight years old and it was only days before Christmas. Mom and I had went out for some finale holiday shopping, picking up random gifts for what were to me complete strangers; we were solitary people, our families rarely seen us. It was dusk, the perfect moment when the world seems on the edge of a knife, waiting for the flood gates of night to open. I walked quickly with my mother, her stride long and elegant, mine short and choppy. How I wanted to be just like her.
Street lamps flickered on around us, giving some familiarity to our surroundings; everything is so different at night, displaced almost.
That was when I first seen him, as he skirted around the pool of light reflected from the lamps. He seemed to suit this dark world, like he was used to living without sunlight. I was curious of him but weary. I could tell he was older, much older than myself by at least twenty some odd years. A heavy trench coat fit around him, making him seem bulky even though his face told the story of a possible eating disorder. I felt frozen but I kept moving.
As he passed by me I smelled him. It wasn’t a good smell, like rotten meat and I felt repulsed as I wrinkled my tiny nose. At that moment I felt the snow, watched as it stuck to my eyelashes and the cold bit into me.
That was last time I seen him for several years but he stayed in my head, haunting my dreams. As a child I didn’t understand, my mind couldn’t wrap around it. I refused to tell anyone hopping he would go away, but he didn’t.

Our next meeting came almost eight years later at sixteen. My job at the local bookstore kept me out late because I had taken on a second shift; money at that age never seems to come fast enough. Again it was winter, November I believe. Snow had already started to fall, making deep rifts along the side walk.
Wisconsin, why do you have such horrible weather?
As I exited the building I pulled my coat closer to my body, my breath coming out in a foggy wall in front of me. Like it wanted to stop me from leaving, I ignored it and kept walking. My car keys rattled as I pulled them from my pocket, fitting the largest into my front door. I have to admit that my car is fancy, almost too fancy for a sixteen year old but my parents insisted on buying it for me.
With a gloved hand I was ready to open the door when something caught my eye. Involuntarily I lifted my gaze to the other side of the parking lot, near the book store’s entrance. My breath came out in a gasp as I seen him, the man from my dreams. He stood in reality now but I still had to fight the urge to pinch myself awake.
He stood leaning against the brick wall, his arms crossed over his chest. He still wore the same trench, long and black. I felt my throat tighten as tears pricked at the back of my eyes. I wasn’t sure why I wanted to cry, it only felt right as I fumbled to open my car door and when it finally opened I climbed in as quickly as I could.
Uncontrollable shaking took over my limbs and I couldn’t fit my key into the starter. I was refusing, despite my curious nature, to look at him. Snow began to fall softly outside my window like when we first met. The parking lot was empty except a few, random cars that had tacky ‘FOR SALE’ signs on their wind shields in permanent marker.
After what felt like an eternity my car roared to life. I felt relief wash over me, mixing with the sweat that was beading on my forehead. Anxiety curled around me like thick smoke and the temptation to see if he was still standing there was just too much. Slowly, carefully, my eyes slid side ways to the book store entrance.
Gone.
My heart thumped madly in my chest, blood pulsing in my ears as I put my car into gear and pressed my foot to the gas. Only I didn’t go anywhere.
Harder than before I pressed the gas pedal, this time my tires screamed in protest. Rubber surrounded my car in cloud form. I let off the gas as I looked out my mirror, waiting for the thick black clouds to disperse. As they drifted away on the winter air I seen him standing behind my car, his hand holding my bumper; could he have held my car back? That was an impossibility but still my mind liked the idea.
Like a deer caught in the headlights I couldn’t move as this stranger came around to my window. I looked up into his eyes, they were a piercing red, like the eyes of a demon.
There was no use in locking my door. If he had held my car into place he would have no problem with ripping the door from it’s hinges. Death’s sour taste was on my tongue, I tried to swallow it down but I couldn’t.
He stretched out a hand, a feeble and skeletal looking one to open my door. This stranger didn’t look powerful or dangerous yet there was something about those eyes staring at me that said he was a predator. It also mentioned the fact that I was his prey.
I wondered what it’s like to kill someone, if you regret it once it’s done. I wondered how many people he had killed and if he could remember them or were they just patches of black in his mind?
He was inches from the door when headlights brightened my cab. The car pulled up beside me, next to the passenger’s door. Inside was a man in his late fifties and a woman of the same age sat beside him. I rolled down my automatic window finding it a bit bizarre they were acting so calm when my face spelled out panic. It was when the man offered his assistance that I finally looked at driver’s side window.
This demon man was gone again and just like before it felt like he wasn’t real. After I had thanked the couple and explained I had just been talking on my cell phone I left the parking lot. That was the night I knew what he was, like a clear ring in my ears that pushed away everything else.
It was in that moment I knew our lives would be forever entangled.

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God bless the Eskimo.

Tatiiii

Oh, that was very good to read. I like it so far, specially your idea of a vampire. It was entertaining to read and I liked the suspense. If you're planning to write more, I'd love to read it :]
Generally I like the way it's written, although I see that you have some errors with past tense. For example

And some missing words...

Creep

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God bless the Eskimo.

Wildcard

The text is a bit hard on the eyes. Try enlarging it and I will offer a critique.

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"Even if you win for the short term, you'll ultimately fail, alive or dead. Imagine if the great men from the past - men who thought they were working to shape the world – could see what their efforts have yielded. There is no change. There is no hope. Marx failed. Hitler failed. Jefferson failed. I just don't try."
-- Reilly (Everyday Madness)

Ellen T

When I saw vampire in your opening I was ready to click off but first peeked at the comments. Seeing positive feedback I scrolled up and read; I'm glad I did. You have a pleasant casual way with your writing. Unforced. Yes, there are some tense and word glitches, nothing editing can't fix, so please, keep writing.

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"Once upon a time there was a sensible straight line who was hopelessly in love, with a dot."

---The Dot and the Line, a romance in lower mathematics by Norton Juster

Creep

Thanks, guys. I'm glad you all like my writing, I've been so muse-less lately. If you want you can check out my new piece Awaiting <3

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God bless the Eskimo.

SparkyLT

Apart from he tiny font and the grammatical problems, that was a quite good read. Take it from a vampire connoisseur

I really hated the last line, though. That was...too much, too cliche.

Newnonel

Format your font a little and I'll try to comment a little. Based solely on what I've managed to make out, its ok. Not exactly bad, but not exactly wonderful either. Make it lighter on the eyes and I'll see about editing this comment.
-Newnonel

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Self Proclaimed Instant Noodles Expert or, SPINE.