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Old 11-09-2008, 12:11 PM   #1
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Query for an old work revised

Comments on and suggestion to include which you think is best please!

QUERY I

I am seeking representation for FOLLOW THE RAVEN, a Historical Fantasy of 80,000words ideal for all ages.

Karis and Lucan, the offspring of Joventas, a member of the Council of Gods who created all the worlds, have set seals to isolate Midgard, the world of humans and consolidate their power. They seek sole dominion, the banishment of magic and the other worlds. Owain and Lugas, other members of The Council unable to interfere directly, place the onus of breaking the seals on the back of a twelve-year-old lad, the son of a Scoti prince and a Scandian princess.

Ian son of Meoc, unaware of his bloodline, avoids capture by the Völva priestess Fiona with the help of a druid whose magical powers hides them. Ian learns the truth of his birth and the terrible task ahead of him; to enter Niflheimr, the World of Ice to place the amulet he wears into a stone altar, which will break the seals and restore the worlds as they were created. They meet a beautiful young Scoti girl of common blood who joins them so that, together, they overcome great barriers. Before they can overcome great fears and complete the mission, Breanna treats Ian’s fearsome wounds and, together, they cross the bridge and complete the task.

As per your guidelines, I have enclosed xxx. Thank you for your consideration.

Sincerely

QUERY II

The feared Drakkar ships led by a Völva priestess come to a small village on the west coast of Scotia seeking an eleven-year-old boy with red hair, green eyes and a scarlet birthmark in the shape of a raven. His parents send Ian to a hermit in the hills. He watches in horror through the eyes of a raven in the druid’s magical mirror as his parents are tortured and slain. It is only then that he learns the hermit is a druid and that he, Ian, is to bear a magical amulet and short sword to carry out a vital task of freeing all the worlds and those who live within them.

Set in the Dark Ages, FOLLOW THE RAVEN is an 80,000 word historical fantasy.

Ian ap Farnin learns of the Council of the Gods and the rift between the worlds caused by the members’ offspring. Owain and Lugas, two of the fourteen Creators, bring him before them and place upon his shoulders the onus of restoring the worlds as they had been created. Ian meets fairies and elves and dwarfs, learning the short sword he carries is made of metal from Muspellheim, the world of primordial fire. With the help of the druid and a dwarf, Ian must overcome bands of armed men seeking him for a gold bounty and fearful creatures put in his way to stop him from reaching the altar in the Land of Ice, where he must go to place the amulet he wears in the stone that will unseal the worlds and restore freedom to all. Along the way, he meets Breanna, a cowherd of the common folk, who, after her initial disdain and anger, joins in the quest. When, in the Ice Cave of Thunder Mountain, Ian is terribly wounded, she is called upon to treat his wounds, saving his life, and joining him in the final trek across the fearful Bridge of Ice.

As per your guidelines, I have enclosed xxx. Thank you for your consideration.
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Old 11-09-2008, 05:00 PM   #2
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Quote:
The feared Drakkar ships led by a Völva priestess come to a small village on the west coast of Scotia seeking an eleven-year-old boy with red hair, green eyes and a scarlet birthmark in the shape of a raven. His parents send Ian to a hermit in the hills. He watches in horror through the eyes of a raven in the druid’s magical mirror as his parents are tortured and slain. It is only then that he learns the hermit is a druid and that he, Ian, is to bear a magical amulet and short sword to carry out a vital task of freeing all the worlds and those who live within them.
I think you could pump the description a lot more.

"Red hair, green eyes, and the mark of a raven. Ian is not safe. Volva (sorry I just keep seeing 'vulva' )has come for him and he is smuggled into the mountains by his parents... etc etc etc."

Try to give your query a voice similar to your writing style. Just spelling it out is a bit boring and you clog it up with a whole bunch of unfamilar and complicated names. Hope that helps!

Cheers,
Lindsay
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Old 11-09-2008, 05:47 PM   #3
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Raging_Hopeful View Post
Volva (sorry I just keep seeing 'vulva' )has come for him and he is smuggled into the mountains by his parents... etc etc etc."
Cheers,
Lindsay
Off Topic:

Just goes to show how certain people's minds work. I saw 'Volvo'

Last edited by The Backward OX : 11-09-2008 at 05:49 PM.
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Old 11-10-2008, 02:51 AM   #4
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Yep. Perverse and proud!
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Old 11-15-2008, 10:53 AM   #5
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Thanks for the comments. Back to the drawing board!
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