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Traying again at this story....I need a critique of this
This is half of the first chapter:
Chapter One:
Josie sat quiet in the back seat of her father Bill’s speeding Lincoln Navigator. She was a bundle of nerves, on her way to see her step-sisters for the first time since their three year stay at Saint Elizabeth’s mental institution. Tears filled her eyes as she grabbed a hold of the flower dress she was wearing in her hands. Her older step-brother Corey touched her leg.
“Hey, you alright there kid?” Corey asked.
Josie looked at him and contrived a smile.
“Yeah, I guess so,” she said. “I just wish I didn’t have to be the first person
they saw.”
“Why not Josie?” Corey asked. “They are going to be happy to see you. After all, it wasn’t your fault that they were in there.”
She nodded and sighed.
“Yeah, but I could’ve stopped them from starting that fire.” She said. “Just supposed if daddy and I had died in that house, they tried to kill us Corey. They think I’m the reason their mother is in prison.”
Corey nodded and lit a cigarette.
“No they don’t Josie. That was YEARS ago alright? That’s over now.” He said.
“They spent years in there under—heavy therapy kid. They’re well now ok?
There’s really no need to worry. Time always heals all wounds.”
Josie smiled; she knew Corey always knew just what to say to make things alright.
“Hey, what’s all the quiet talk about back there?” Bill asked.
“Nothing dad,” Corey said between puffing on his cigarette. “We were just talking about how bad your cooking was last night.”
Josie laughed and shook her head. Bill smiled and winked.
“Oh real cure Corey.” Bill grinned.
Bill pulled into the parking lot of the institution. He saw his two daughters Cameron and Susie sitting on the bench in front of the facility doors with a blonde nurse standing beside them. As Bill brought the car to a halt, he shook his head and frowned.
“Ok, we’re all agreed that we’ll be nice and cordial no matter if there’s change or not right?” Bill asked.
“What? C’mon dad,” Corey said, “of course there’s change. They’ve been there almost like—forever. Don’t pre-judge.”
Bill sighed.
“Yeah well you can never be too sure sometimes.” He said as he got out of his car.
Josie got out and stood in front of Cameron and Susie and stared. Their brown, long, back length hair was frizzy and looked rough. Their faces were bright and smooth. Their big black eyes were cold. Josie smiled but the smile vanished when they both rolled their eyes at her. Bill sat down beside them and wrapped his arm around Cameron.
“How are my girls?” Bill grinned. “We’ve come to take you home.”
Susie stared at him and frowned. She looked directly into his eyes and contrived a smile.
“We’re great daddy,” Susie said. ‘We just want to go home—please. We missed you and Corey and Josie.”
Josie gasped and smiled.
“What! Really? You even missed me?” Josie asked.
Susie stood to her feet and smiled.
“Of course I missed you sis!” Susie said as she walked over and hugged Josie close. ‘I’m so sorry for what I’ve done. Cameron and I both are.”
Josie wrapped her arms around Susie and laughed.
“I love you Susie.” Josie said.
Susie pushed Josie back and kissed her on her cheek.
“Aww, I bet you do sis.” Susie grinned.
“Wow, this is great.” Bill said “You both look better, you’re responding better. I’m impressed.
Susie looked at Bill and smiled.
“Daddy, can we go home now?” She asked.
Bill nodded.
“Yeah girls, let’s go home.” He said.
Corey glanced over at Cameron.
“How about you Cam?” Corey asked. “How are you huh?”
Cameron yawned and laughed.
“Just great Corey,” she said. “Susie and I both have really learned what family
really means since being in here. For now on, we’re both going to put a new
meaning to the word flesh and blood, right Susie?”
Susie nodded and smiled. Corey laughed.
“Great, let’s go then,” he said. “I’m starved. Let’s stop at Carolina Kitchen on the way home.”
“Um, Corey, how about you take the girls to the car.” Bill said. ‘I’m going to sign whatever papers there are for the girls ok?”
“Sure dad, c’mon guys.” Corey said.
Bill watched as they got in his car. He turned and sighed.
“So is that that?” Bill asked. “Do you have the release papers for me to sign?”
The nurse picked up the clipboard and a pen handed it to him.
“Mr. Matthews, may I tell you something before you leave?” The nurse asked.
Bill nodded as he inscribed his signature on the paper.
“Yeah, what’s up?” He asked.
The nurse frowned and shook her head.
“Even though Cameron and Susie are being released from the hospital, I would still seriously advise you to encourage them to keep seeing a psychiatrist.”
Bill looked at the nurse and made a sour face.
“Why is that?” He asked. “They’re well now.”
“Well, Mr. Matthews,” The nurse said, “both Cameron and Susie have been diagnosed with being a Paranoid Schizophrenic Manic Depressive, and with that diagnosis, we have found that those two girls are going to need to stay up under a psychiatrist. Neither you nor us can make them stay here anymore or come here for treatment either, because they’re eighteen but we seriously advise you to encourage them to keep seeing a psychiatrist—on a frequent basis.”
Bill laughed.
“So what are you saying that they’re psychos” He laughed. “C’mon, this is the best facility in Canada. I know this place has changed them. You could tell it on their faces when we drove up in here. They’re fine now. They just had a bad experience before.”
“Well, ok,” the nurse said, “I hope for you and your family’s sake that you’re right about their change.”
“Yeah ok,” He said. “I’ll keep my ak-47 next to my bed, just in case they go all Devil’s Rejects on me ok?”
Bill laughed as he walked back to his car. The nurse frowned as she walked back in the hospital. She knew Bill would discover the horrifying truth soon enough.
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118,073 words into novel: 'Nocturne'. Click above to read the first chapter! 
