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My first page in my prologue
Right, i've revamped my original starting point (prologue going to be another 2 pages ontop of this) just wanting some critique, advice and assistance so i can start off on a winner.
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The setting sun burnt against Jaryn’s toned dark skin, beads of sweat dripping down his chest. The heat made it impossible for him to wear anything but his torn trousers. He had been riding for just over three weeks, he had travelled on five different ferries and was almost at his destination. Gently kicking his horse into a faster trot, Jaryn gave a sigh of relief as the capital city of Algae, Seant Stryn came into view. It was similar to the other cities he had seen throughout Algae, surrounded and blocked off by gates and border patrols. The Algians supposedly had a very low opinion of outsiders, or so it was claimed so back in Rothen. Rumours of sacrificial rituals were one of the suggested reasons for their extreme privacy, yet Jaryn was too sceptical a man to believe such a large and developed country could contain such barbarity. It wasn’t until Jaryn got within two hundred yards of the infamous white gates of Seant Stryn did it start to open.
There were four short and stocky men all equipped with a sheathed blade at there side, staring menacingly at Jaryn. Whereas there was a fifth who was slightly taller and substantially a lot wider than the rest, who looked at his guest and bellowed.
“Now what do we have here?” He looked around at the four soldiers and said, “It seems we are in the company of a Rotherian, boys!” there was a short bark of laughter from his men. “What be your business in Seant Stryn, you should know we have no tolerance for foreigners.” He sneered and added “Especially foreign thieves.” Jaryn was quite shocked by the welcome, yet to look at him you would think he hadn’t been paying attention at all. Jaryn gave a curt nod to the widest of the five, acknowledging the leader, he was clearly the one in authority and asked
“My name is Jaryn Hastyr’th, son of Dwayne Hastyr’th, Lord of Shuran’dir.” He stopped to clear his throat and then continued “I request to enter Seant Stryn, to fill my water pouches and to rest the night. I have coin.” He added, as if to back up his title.
A nasty grin spread across the face of the man in charge, looking back at his men and laughing. He gave a mock bow and asked in what Jaryn assumed must have been an impression of royalty.
“Oh of course my liege, I had no idea we were in the company of a Lord. Strange that one with such a title travels alone and without any guards or companions.” His grin disappeared and with a scowl he asked “I trust you have the royal scroll to back up such a claim? Like in Rothem we do not take lightly to imposters.” Jaryn gave a polite smile and replied
“Of course, but perhaps an introduction from yourself would be most appropriate? You have my name sir, yet yours remains unknown to me.” A short silence broke between the two men, interrupted only by the unsheathing of five blades simultaneously. The leader purposely looked down at the markings on his blade and spat out
“Algian guard Lordling, which is more than an introduction than you need. A visitor to our country should perhaps research its customs before hand, unless that visitor fleed from his country?” Now it was time for Jaryn’s smile to fade, he had heard that the Algians were suspicious, but he had outright accused him of being a criminal. Slowly leaning over his horse, Jaryn pulled out his royal scroll and tossed it at the wide mans grubby hands.
“Ah, I offer my deepest apologies Lord Hastyr’th.” Jaryn waved a hand as if to dismiss the previous insults. “You must understand, we have had many a stranger claim something he was not. Sometimes even claiming to be a Prince himself, my name is Cynthar Defri’th.” Cynthar said whilst returning the scroll to the Lord. Jaryn looked suspiciously at the man, he had many scars over his face but surely a man that’s been over indulging would be stripped of such a position.
“Cynthar Defri’th? As in the same Cynthar Defri’th who is the Strynt guardian? The same man who led two hundred men against six hundred Drocks and came out the victor?” A shout of approval came from one of the guards behind Cynthar.
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