Nykimbur

My fiction ground to a halt about four years ago so I've been concentrating mainly on an autobiographical diary for the last five years, which I've almost finished and numbers in at just over 600,000 words. It's called Writer's Failsafe and in a nutshell, it's about writing, internet forums, videogames and supernatural visions. My dad and psychologist have both read excerpts and think it's very well written, but naysayers who haven't read it have been saying no-one'll find it interesting, so I put it to you: Will people find a mostly teenage bio interesting, considering everyone who's read it so far likes it?

HippoHead

I'm wondering how it got stretched into 600000 words.

WriterJohnB

600,000 words!!! No, I would not be interested unless you've done something important and everybody's relatives tell them their writing is good, so that's no incentive to read it.

JohnB

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Nykimbur

Okay, fair points, the reason for the length is because I've been struggling to write fiction for the last seven years, so I've written slightly excessively in my non-fiction. And it's not just relatives that've told me it's good, my psychologist, a woman, thinks it's good too. And as I said, in a nutshell, it's about writing, internet forums, videogames and supernatural visions, so if any of those subjects interest you, you shouyld be interested in my bio.

Dr. Apopolus

Doubt that will interest anyone.

Why not post a snippet and see?

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Happenstance

Dan

Seconded.

I don't think I'd want to read 600,000 words of anything, let alone (no offense intended) a teenage/early 20's "life story." That's massive. I'm betting you could break it down a ton and not miss much.

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Nykimbur

Here's some recent excerpts:

Fri 4/7: Early evening: Leaving school has to be the worst decision I’ve ever made in my life. I’ve gained practically nothing from it in the last three and a half years, whereas I could have a doctorate by now. It’s also a shame I never exploited my cuteness to get laid in my early teen years. It would’ve been easier than it is now since my stutter wasn’t anywhere near as bad. Still, looking ahead, I phoned my dad again to ask him whether he could get the money today, and he said he’d check with the bank. I have no idea what’s taking so long to get one grand. It’s enthralling to think that the only thing standing between me and finishing this book is a mere grand. It’s annoying that it’s taken two weeks so far. Ebay cancelled my Wii sale telling me someone hacked my account and put up orders, I’m fairly sure they’ve just fucked up and locked my account for no reason, and I can’t get it unlocked without a landline number confirmation, so I made a new account, but that also needs a landline confirmation, so I’m taking my computer round my mum’s house tomorrow and spend all day on the internet downloading, posting and putting my Wii back up for sale. I’ve still got the Dexter’s Lab theme looping, makes me wish I had my own lab i.e. office. I’ll get onto that after my data recovery and regression.
Dexter’s Lab plays on every intellectual’s dream, to have their own workspace. Dee Dee’s kind of a metaphor for people invading your space, such as I’ve experienced with bad neighbours and family. My own office would certainly be a big step in setting up the videogame business, as well as allowing me to work on my writing and play my games in peace.
Mid evening: My mum’s a good public speaker and my dad often talks excessively, so I suppose I got some of my writing talent from them. The rest I got from previous lives as a writer. Shakespeare? Tolstoy? Tolkien? Who knows? It’d be pretty cool to be regressed and find out I was a famous writer. I think Vicky told me a few years ago when we first talked on the phone that I should be regressed to the life most related to this one, and if my visions are past life memories, I should be regressed back to that utopian world. Or maybe since I’m such a passionate writer I’ll be regressed to a life where I was suchlike. I’ll just have to wait and find out.

Tue 8/7: Late afternoon: I just stole five spaghetti bolognese meals from Tesco. Hey, a guy’s gotta eat. I’m also gonna be charged £30 to £60 for going overdrawn. Hopefully this theft goes undetected and I can go back to Tesco without fear of being prosecuted.
Later: My dreams last night were actually pretty good, something involving partying in a classroom.
Early evening: My 6/12/04 vision was truly mindblowing. Imagine seeing a fantastic utopian world to the sound of Beastie Boys playing live. It was completely unreal. I suggest you download their performance, it’s pretty good.

Thur 17/7: Late afternoon: Nice. I was just about to steal a pack of pop tarts; last theft, seriously; when in good fortune, I saw my mum and Arif in the checkout in front of me. I went up to her and told her my plan but said she could pay for it, and she was using Hamza’s card so we went down to the car park to ask Hamza for some money for it. That was kickass. I didn’t have to steal it and I didn’t have to pay for it. Rather, the happy medium. I’m having one of my well-deserved pop tarts now.
Mid evening: I really have to note how much I hate Rhys for turning his back on me after I was a good friend to him, when he had practically no friends. While he was failing classes, getting bullied and suffering from dyslexia, I was writing a brilliant novel and planning a videogame business. As I’ve said, he had the audacity of calling me a “pussy introvert” sometime in year 10 or 11, and this was from the most unpopular guy in the year. I think I’ve seen him back around the Langley area before I moved here, he’s grown his hair. I hope he gets run over or something, save me the trouble of beating him up if I ever see him again.

Nykimbur

Just testing my sig.

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Dan

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RomanticRose

Two people have read it and they both have a pretty intense connection to you. They might not be the most objective about the piece.

You didn't specify, but if you do want this to be published the length would have to be cut down -- a lot. A work of that length from a first time writer would probably not sell. It might go for a very specific niche market, but that is the demographic that doesn't buy a lot of books (particularly 600,000 word books), primarily because they are playing videogames and on internet forums.

On the other hand, if this is primarily a therapeutic exercise, then carry on.

RR

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Nykimbur

Dan, what's wrong with thinking highly of yourself? Over-arrogance is one thing, self confidence is another. And Rose, yeah, I expect I will have to cut out a few hundred thousand words before it's accepted for publishing, but that's fine, I can just save the rest for an uncut version.

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Dan

Self-confidence comes across in a person's writing. So does arrogance. Guess which I read in yours? Is the excerpt that you posted from your brilliant novel, or is there another one?

See what I'm saying?

As far as Rose's advice about the length, you'd have to cut a half-million words or more. Even then, you'd still be stuck with the same content: "I did this. Then I did this. He said this. I stole some stuff. I'm an intellectual. I did this again."

If you want a chance at publishing your story, you need to start over. Read some autobiographies and see how they did it.

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Nykimbur

Did you realise that that's practically all of my bio? I'd only be left with a mere fraction if I cut out half a million words, so I somewhat doubt it'd be that much.

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Dan

I'm not arguing with you. I'm making a statement of fact.

You came here and asked, "Will people find a mostly teenage bio interesting?" As your novel is currently constituted, the answer is no. There is no realistic chance that you could get it published, unless you had incriminating pictures of the guys at Random House.

If you write another book of your life when you're forty, will that have to be 1,200,000 words just to contain the epicness of your life to that point? You're not writing a bio; you're writing every thought or action that comes into your head.

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And while you're there, check out my ongoing serial Addicted: http://www.panicwriter.com/fountainpen/id5.html

2.0

I agree with Dan, really I was going to say everything he said in his critiques. I dont feel it's necessary to repeat that, so I'll go on to a couple other little things.

I like run-on sentences when they add style to a piece or illustrate the narrator's voice more fully. I don't think this does either. I checked the word count, 80 words.. bit much.

The whole DeeDee thing isn't a metaphor, it's a literal correlation. Metaphor is defined as "a figure of speech in which a term or phrase is applied to something to which it is not literally applicable in order to suggest a resemblance".

"Utopian world" is used twice in relatively close proximity. Kinda bothered me.

I like that you stole stuff. I was a little disappointed you didn't get caught, it would have added something interesting to the story.

The last paragraph annoyed me. Hoping the guy gets hit by a train so you don't have to beat him up? That sounds like it would be said by some guy who doesn't have the balls to start a fight, but can talk some shit while not being confronted by the situation. I'm not saying you can't kick some ass, how would I know? But it seems sort of juvenile to wish the death of someone who called you a pussy, especially someone who is a social outcast.

Ok, so I wasn't really interested in much of this, but the good part is that it was easy to read. I didn't have to force myself to continue, so that means you are pretty good at stringing words together, horray. I wouldn't read an autobiography of yours unless you had some fantastic goings-on, some heart wrenching personal tragedy, etc .. something to make you stand out from all the other young, video gaming, aspiring artist types. There's a reason I don't read livejournal or myspace, ya know? Having said that, I probably would read something else you write.

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