|
Writer
Join Date: Feb 2007
Gender: Female
Posts: 37
|
1st timer-opinion please
Hello, I've finally decided to post something of what I've been writing to get some opinions on it... It's a fantasy story...and this initially is the first chapter.
“Uncle Merixion” the tall girl dressed in a lavender riding dress trimmed in black bent over him and kissed his cheek.
“How are you my child?” He said gesturing for her to sit in the chair across him.
“I am well sire, waiting for my brother and Alasdair to end the private council they are holding with Lord Conway. It seems I am only fit to learn the history of certain things but not to be participant in them” she added bitterly “Still I have not come to bother you with my troubles” She smiled warmly at him “I was wondering Sir if you could please tell me the legend of our world once again”.
“Don’t you know the legend of the Golden Jewel by heart already Alana?
She smiled “Yes but I like it best how you tell it to me uncle”.
The old man smiled tenderly remembering years ago when in this same spot she had come to him begging to be told the story every other day.
“Merixion please just one more time and I promise I’ll go away” she had pleaded then.
“Alana you’re too old already for such stories”.
“You said they were true! Not legends!” she replied looking indignant.
“Aren’t you supposed to be with Professor Ronald taking some sort of lesson?”
“No I am not, we have already finished our lessons for today” she nodded at him enthusiastically her wavy blond hair bouncing animatedly as if also wishing to give their agreement in the matter.
“And where are Alasdair and Kaser? Why aren’t you with them?” he eyed her suspiciously. It was well known in the citadel that the three youngsters were always together.
A grimace crossed her pretty freckled face “They’re doing boy things” she said sulkily “They won’t let me go with them”.
“Why not?” Merixion asked kindly.
“They say I drive away the other girls...because I’m too ugly” she added in a whisper.
“Alana! You know they’re just saying that to tease you”.
“I suppose” she answered nonchalantly. He inclined himself across the small garden table and looked her in the eyes.
“You’re the most beautiful girl in town for me” he said firmly.
She smiled up at him, her face glowing happily. At the age of twelve Alana had been the shortest girl in town, though that did not interfere in the fact that she was well liked by all for she possessed a quick smile and good manners. She hadn’t been a startling beautiful child but she had an inner glow that many girls lacked. Her chubbiness, sweet freckled face adorned with big clear blue eyes and her light blond hair made you take an almost immediate liking to the child.
“Uncle Merixion please, won’t you tell me the tale. I like it best how you tell it to me Uncle. There is no other that tells it so well, uncle” she pleaded stressing the word Uncle several times. Knowing that though he wasn’t truly her uncle they had developed a relationship like family.
“Oh very well” he had said then as he did now.
She gave him a dashing smile as she had years ago and waited eagerly for him to begin. He cleared his throat and looked at the young woman sitting in front of him. At fifteen almost sixteen years Alana had developed into a beautiful woman. Her hair, still wavy and blond was tied at the back in an intricate braid which was fashionable at the time, allowing the tear drop birthmark she had in her right temple to be visible. Her features delicate and fair were dusted by a small scattering of freckles. Her eyes held a sweet and tender look to them, but also a look of inner power. She was no longer overweight but tall and graceful.
“Uncle!” she said staring back at him impatiently.
“Oh yes, sorry dear, got carried away.” He cleared his voice once again.
“The legend of our world... It all began when the Mother of all, created the elements Earth, Air, Water, Fire and Aether. From them she created many creatures but none as special as the Elwenfir.
The Elwenfir were children born from the depths of each element, their power therefore was the greatest of all on our planet. Airiana daughter of the Air, Earchilion son of the Earth, Waeau son of the Water, Stiarnila, daughter of Aether, and Dethef son of Fire.
The siblings did not get along very well. Each had a different point of view on how to use their powers.
Waeau thought that other creatures had the right to know and be taught new powers and in turn the Elwenfir could learn from them.
Airiana and Earchillion thought that each creature and Elwenfir should keep to themselves.
Stiarnila and Dethef were of the mind that their power was to be used to control other creatures and for their own personal gain.
Waeau wished to depart the company of his brothers and sisters and follow his own idea; however he had grown to love his sister Airiana and could not bear to leave her.
Sadly enough Airiana did not correspond that love for she had fallen in love with Earchillion and he with her. Waeau was devastated when they announced their union. He decided it was best to abide far away from both of them, and to go in search of other creatures to learn from them and teach them his powers if possible. However, before he left, he confessed to her his feelings and supplicated for her to do him one last favor in case he should fail on his quest. He asked her to bare him a child and she obliged.
Earchillion was angry but because he loved his mate he took no retaliation against her but he demanded that once the child was born if Waeau was still alive he was to be sent to him.
Two years it took for them to find that Waeau was still alive; pained in her heart Airiana followed her partner’s request and sent her first born son, Wilkam to his father. Soon after, she gave birth to a beautiful girl named Eliana. Some time later her son Edilion was born and then Aixilion.
Wilkam meanwhile lived with his father in a small town close to the coast. His father had done great advances in his tutoring of the creatures inhabiting the town. He was kind and well liked by all.
He had also grown a greater master of his power. Being son of the Water element, Waeau took it to swimming farther and farther into the sea, discovering the glories of water, learning what his powerful magic could do with water. He even, they say, lived in the ocean for a time.
When Wilkam came to live with his father though, his father was surprised to find that though the boy had a great liking for water, he also had a great liking for the air and its creatures. The boy was kind and good natured like his parents and took it to spend as much time as possible with the people of the town as with the ocean creatures. People soon began to call him Delph for many said he was like a dolphin, living in the water but wishing to get out.
Many years later when the boy was about eighteen years of age, following in his fathers footsteps and wishing to learn more of the world and instruct others of his powers he left the small sea town.
For many years the boy was gone until one day he presented himself in what he thought was his beloved’s home. For at his arm a beautiful young maiden stood with the name of Eliana, excusing herself before her parents for disobeying them and running away in search of wisdom. However, she explained that she was done traveling; for now she had come back joined for life to a traveler she had met during her journey, Delph. But what is to a mother a change of name? Nothing, for although she hadn’t seen her son in more than twenty years Airiana immediately recognized him as her first born, Wilkam.
The shock was great for the lovers for they had no idea they were brothers. Their love though was strong and steadfast, and they had no intention to part.
With time and with Delph’s and Eliana’s help Airiana and Earchillion saw their error in hiding from all and they too began to open themselves to new experiences in the world around them. The blood line of Wilkam and Eliana continued growing across time, creating what we now know as the Amanaysu lineage. Joining with all sorts of creatures across the ages, different races with different types of magic were formed. Their precept through the ages being: Each person in itself is a world and contains a magic of their own. Even the frailest looking person can have powerful magic in them”.
Merixion ceased talking and sipped at his drink. Alana scowled at him for she knew there was more to the story, but she also new that Merixion loved to make a stop at this part of the tale.
Putting his glass back down the old man began to speak:
“Through all those years Stiarnila and Dethef kept to their own ways maintaining no contact whatsoever with their kin. Firmly believing that their commitment on the planet was to gain power and control others, they destroyed all beauty around them and took to conceiving children and marry them between themselves only so that their line and powers would live eternally pure into the future.
Stiarnila and Dethef did not care for their children, for them they were simply something else on to which enforce their cruelty. Their growing line became known as the Adairash. The children being brought up in such an ambiance grew up to become as wretched and cruel as their parents. Miraculously a child was born that was unlike any that Stiarnila and Dethef had given birth to so far. Trella was a shy and sweet girl who did not comprehend the mercilessness that her parents and her brothers had towards the other creatures and between themselves. No longer able to endure the brutality of her parents, she ran away the eve of her wedding with her brother Gilfoug.
Life’s paths are indeed mystifying for that night a young man named Aixilion had stopped to make camp on a forest near to the fortress of the Adairash. As he made ready to rest for the night a young maiden came crashing into the woods begging for his help for she was being pursued. Not thinking twice about it, it is told Aixilion grabbed the girl and hurried off into the night.
They spent many years in hiding neither daring to go home for fear that word should spread on where Trella was. After some time Trella became expectant with child. It was much desired by both but they did not know if they could care for a child while being on the run. Much to their disgrace Trella’s pregnancy was not easy. Fearing for her life Aixilion did the only thing he could think of, go home to his parents Airiana and Earchillion.
His parents having comprehended the ways of the world accepted them with open arms. They lived happily for some months, for Trella’s troublesome pregnancy improved greatly with the care of Aixilion’s family. Unfortunately word spread out that one of the daughters of Stiarnila and Dethef was abiding with their greatest enemies, their brothers. Barely three nights after Trella gave birth to a beautiful baby girl Delihaila, Dethef and Stiarnila attacked their home. Leaving the child in the care of Aixilion’s parents, the couple ran away once more. The pursuit was a short one for Trella was still weak from having given birth. In the nearby forest Trella and Aixilion waited to be found. It was not long, for having been told that the lovers had escaped into the woods Dethef’s and Stiarnila’s army had run after them. The young couple knew they could not escape. Aixilion raised his sword first unto Trella then unto himself. Their last words, ringing in the ears of the army surrounding them “Death is always preferable than to loosing the one thing you truly love most”.
The army under the command of Gilfoug made ready to retire and leave the bodies for the scavenging animals, the order from Dethef and Stiarnila had been clear: recover the girl and kill her. Kill her husband too. Before they could turn to leave however, the sunlit sky became dark; thunder started rolling in, and a deep voice with no identifiable gender, spilled from the mouths of the dead lovers.
“ Fire, Aether, Air, Earth, Water
Children of my womb
You have done as wished and wrongly you have done.
When you learn to look beyond
You will find true power.
Into your heart you must search
For a golden jewel to be born.
A jewel of terrible power for it will be one in all.
A jewel of good and prosperity or death and destruction.”
At this the voice died, with a tremble of the earth that swallowed the bodies of the dead lovers.
Gilfoug hearing the prophecy first hand spent his life trying to find this jewel of ultimate powers, his ways being quite immoral. Stiarnila and Dethef ordered a stone carved with the prophecy over the place where the lovers had died, so that none of their line would ever forget that somewhere the ultimate source of power lay.
The Adairash continued with their ways of marrying between themselves and looking for the jewel that for them would bring victory over their brothers. Centuries have passed but still no one knows if the Golden Jewel was born into existence.
Some say the Amanaysu found it and store it in secret, for their lineage was almost always one of prosperity and happiness.
Other’s say the Jewel was found by Gilfoug and drove him mad with power, ending in his own destruction. Through time many have searched far and wide for the jewel but it is yet to be found.”
Merixion ended the tale and looked at Alana, she was sitting quietly lost in thought, and staring at a nearby bush in which a cluster of butterflies flew.
She turned to face her uncle and unconsciously her hand made a beckoning move. The butterflies in the bush flew towards them and soared over the table.
“Do you think the legend could be possible uncle?” she asked staring fixedly at the butterflies in front of her.
“That such a jewel exists? A jewel which will bring prosperity and happiness from the utter ruin in which this country lies?”
“Do not speak like that child” Merixion said sternly.
Her concentration broke and the butterflies soared back to the bush.
“I’m sorry” she apologized “But is it not true? I am not aloud into council but I am no fool and neither is this town. Everyone speaks of it: mad King Almos wanting to conquer lands we have never seen. Power crazy they say he is, driving the country into utter ruins with taxes so high. Separating families for a senseless war. And the alliance of Duchies. No one can confirm it but there is talk that several Dukes have aligned to work in secret and overthrow the King.” Alana smiled and surveyed her uncle.
“Your face is impassible. Still there is always some truth in gossip, myth and legends uncle.”
Merixion sipped his tea quietly not willing to give any information. Alana stared at him waiting, she was about to speak again when two young men dressed in brown tunics, russet and maroon leggings came striding into the garden speaking quietly. They halted when they reached the table and bowed low.
“Uncle” spoke the taller of the two. He was a well trimmed young man of no more than 17 years with long auburn hair and large sea green eyes.
“Sir” the other boy was slightly shorter and stockier than the first. His hair was sandy colored and his eyes light green. “Uncle” he repeated smiling. Merixion was none of the three young adults Uncle, but having been at their side since childhood they had grown to consider him such.
“Boys” the old man smiled fondly. His smile widened as he noticed the appreciating stare Alana was giving the tallest boy.
“If you’ll excuse me I have to tend to certain things” He said rising from this chair.
“Sir” both boys bowed again smirking.
Merixion walked over to Alana and kissing her cheek he whispered in her ear “there is always some truth”.
She smiled broadly as the old man left the garden. As soon as he was gone she looked fixedly at the two boys who were still standing before the table.
“Well?” she said at last.
“My Lady, will you give us permission to accompany you at the table in such a fine afternoon?” the fairer of the two spoke grinning.
“Don’t be foolish Kaser” she snapped at him.
The two men sat, she turned to look at the red haired man.
“Well, what did your father want Alasdair?”
“We are not supposed to tell” he said seriously.
“What?” She asked looking flustered.
They had always told her everything even when they were not supposed to, what difference was there now?
“I’m sorry little sister but Lord Conway made us swear we wouldn’t tell any single man alive” he said emphasizing the word man and winking at her.
For a moment she looked baffled and then began to laugh.
“Well?” she repeated smiling broadly.
“This is not the place” Alasdair warned glancing at the two guards at the door post.
“Very well” she said ungraciously and giving him a black look. He blushed and looked down at his hands.
“I am getting weary, perhaps you gentlemen would like to escort me for a ride?” she asked loudly.
“It would please us immensely” Kaser spoke up, stood and offered his arm to his sister. Alasdair followed them as they left the garden.
Last edited by Sweetdevotion : 07-15-2008 at 06:25 AM.
|
