Miss_Fox

“I’ll be honest, this doesn’t look good does it?” Chloe looked down in to her hot chocolate, her voice shaking.

Sue arrived in the coffee shop looking flustered. She walked over to the table Chloe was sitting at and threw her arms around her planting a gentle kiss on her cheek. Chloe hugged her back and gave her a moment to settle.

“Well sweetheart, you knew straight away it was trouble entering a relationship with him. You knew you were being kept a secret, did it not cross your mind at all?” Sue untied her scarf, her plump cheeks reddened by the February wind. Sue had been Chloe’s best friend for as long as she could remember and she was comforted by her presence, even if her forthright attitude was killing her.

Sue was right, and Chloe was very aware of that. She always had been. Mike and Chloe had been seeing each other for at least 4 months. They’d always flirted with one another; it was something that came natural between them. It was harmless, or so they thought until the office Christmas party.

Chloe had spent weeks searching for the perfect dress. It was a silk, dark green bias cut dress fitting to her curves perfectly, emphasising her cleavage just the way she want. She had styled her hair in to curls and made sure her lip gloss was perfectly applied. She looked a million dollars and she knew it. Over dinner, they got talking and started to see each other in a new light.

When dinner ended they found the company around them boring. They wanted something more fun to keep them pre-occupied. They wanted to get away from those around them and discover one another on a new level. Chloe linked her arm through Mike’s and together they headed through the city on a mission, stumbling over the pavements, giggling at each other. They wanted to go dancing and before they knew it they were in the middle of a nightclub.

Together they danced, their bodies so close, hard pressed against one another. It was that night he told Chloe he felt they had a special connection he’d never had with anyone before. A connection he wanted to discover further. Chloe, at first, didn’t believe him. She knew how drunk they both were and she was sure he would have said it to anyone but as time passed by after that night she found herself wanting him.

“He’s a very charming guy, so genuine and he treats me like a princess. If you were me, you’d have done the same,” Chloe retorted, folding her arms indignantly.

Sue reached forward placing her hand on Chloe’s arm.

“Hun, I’m not having a go. I am here for you...” Sue's voice trailed off as Chloe shrugged her hand away before instantly feeling guilty.

“I know, I’m sorry” Chloe sighed, “I just can’t believe this has happened. Why did he lie to me? Was he doing it to protect me? Or was it just to protect himself? If he’d have just been honest, I’d have understood”.

Sue returned to work and Chloe stayed alone in the coffee shop for a while where she sat staring out of the window watching the world go by. “How could have I been so foolish?” she thought.

Chloe was desperate to speak to Mike. She couldn’t work out how their secret had been exposed. Everything they had done had been so carefully planned out.

As Chloe sat in the coffee shop she told herself she needed to hold her head high and forget about the whole situation. For the first hour it worked but as she walked along the river to her apartment she questioned herself,

“How?”

“Why?”

“Could I really let this go?”

Chloe needed to call Mike and clear the air. She needed to know what had happened but his phone was switched off.

She didn’t leave a message, she couldn’t. The tears were in her eyes and the lump in her throat made it impossible to speak a word.

As she hung up, the first tear fell from her eye and as if the weather followed her emotions, rain began pouring from the sky.

The vision of when Mike walked out of the senior partners office looking worse for wear played in her mind, over and over again. The bags under his eyes, the creased shirt telling her much more than she needed to know. He walked straight past her desk, the stress in his face confirming her worst fears. She tried desperately to catch his eye but to no avail as he stepped into his office slamming the door behind him.

She sat at her desk paralysed by fear not daring to look around the office, she didn’t have to, and she knew all eyes were on her. The whispering deafened her as the tears of hurt and rejection began to sting her eyes. She stared blankly at the computer screen, a sense of impending doom rising within. She shuffled some papers and swallowed down the lump in her throat and waited, the Managing Directors office door opened confirming her worst fears.

He beckoned her, like a lamb to the slaughter she following him in to his office, inside she was dying with every step but still she managed to hold her head up high, she hadn't done anything wrong and she repeated those words in her head like a mantra.

She took a seat across from Mr Powell. She wanted to fidget like a child, instead she did her ABC's and 123's in her mind like she did when she was a child and her father had caught her smoking with her friend, only this time the ABC's and 123's were worse, doubly worse.

“As of today I am terminating your contract...” Mr. Powell looked at her, his face framed with disgust. “Not only have you broken the rules by having an office relationship but you have also jeopardised the relationship between a man, his wife and two children. You are to leave immediately.”

Chloe stood up, her legs were shaking but as the panic set in all she wanted to do was get out of here, away from Mike's rejection, the embarrassment and worse of all, the humiliation. She didn't bother clearing her desk or even turning off the computer. She grabbed her bag looking over at Mike's closed door. The realisation set in, he had decided that there was nothing left to say and the knowledge cut through her like a knife.

As she approached her apartment block she felt humiliated and worthless, thoughts ran through her head, “How did they find out?” “Where does the situation between Mike and I lie?”, “What happens next?”. But she knew she was grasping at straws, there was nothing left. Mike had proven that.

It was at that point it hit her. All this time she’d believed Mike was divorced. He had told her he was divorced, that he wanted to keep their relationship quiet till it had all settled down, that he was terrified that his ex might deny him access to the two sons he adored.

Turning the key in the door to her apartment a rush of shame, anger and embarrassment gripped her, she felt weak, as though she was about to collapse. She dropped her bag and coat, running to the bathroom where she knelt before the toilet, tears falling down her face as she tried not to be sick.

On the other side of the city, Mike sat in his office he was staring at paper work but his mind couldn’t function. Jonathan, or Mr. Powell as the rest of the office know him, entered his office. Mike and Jonathan go back a long way. Jonathan had always acted as a mentor for him. They were professional in the office yet outside of the office they were your typical set of blokes. The tone of Jonathan’s voice had changed from earlier. He came in and sat across from his desk,

“Mike, this indiscretion, I can over look it, but this isn’t the first time is it?” Mr Powell tried to look in to Mike’s eyes to understand his emotions but Mike looked right through him. Jonathan continued, “Look, we are friends, I like you. Your kids are great and you have a fantastic wife. I care about you but I can’t keep covering up for you”.

Mike stared blankly in to space. It was like he was refusing to listen.

“Chloe was fantastic at her job. She was a bright girl and an asset to our company. What if she suddenly decides to take matters in to her own hands and files for unfair dismissal”

Jonathan began drilling in to Mike’s mind and Mike could feel himself becoming more and more frustrated but still he sat there.

“Ok, so I can dredge up false reasons to cover us but it’s not the point”

Mike had heard enough and the anger came across in his voice, “Chloe was not an indiscretion”

“Oh come on Mike, she’s twenty two for goodness sake. She’s just a child. She herself won’t even know what she wants. You can’t have been that serious about her surely?” Jonathan laughed, mocking the relationship Mike felt so strongly about.

Mike snapped he threw the paperwork off his desk, he stood up from the table grabbing his blackberry and jacket and left the office without turning back. Jonathan had overstepped the mark but Mike also knew that he should have been more careful, getting caught before he had even had chance to straighten out in his mind what he wanted. It was all too much for him.

Since becoming a partner at the firm, the majority of Mike’s time was spent in the office. He’d drop his two sons, Joseph and Matthew at school each morning and spent the majority of the weekend running around after them. His boys meant more than anything and more than anyone. Since the day each of them were born there was an instant closeness. Nothing could ever get in the way of or come between the Connelly boys.

Mike had always sensed that Louise was jealous of the bond they had so she made up for it by spending his earnings on new things for the house, the boys or herself. Mike stopped wearing his wedding ring two years ago. Their marriage had hit rock bottom and since that point they’d never regained the passion they once had but they knew they loved each other.

When Mike met Chloe it seemed like everything changed. He’d found the happiness he had lost with Louise and he had an all new confidence when he was in her presence. He knew he shouldn’t have ever lied about his situation but he would say anything to keep her and now he had let her down, he knew he should drive around to her apartment and face the music, explain why he had lied, that his lies had been born of his need to keep her, that he had always had every intention of ending his marriage but he had just never been able to find the right time.

As Mike climbed in to his car, he closed the door and placed his head against the steering wheel. He hated Jonathan for using the word ‘indiscretion’. That word made what he had shared with Chloe so futile, so basic, so cheap, yet he had allowed it to happen. Mike knew how career orientated Chloe was, how committed she was to the company and progressing herself yet he sat there as they ripped her apart taking away every dream she ever had.

Visions of her walking towards her desk to collect her belongings ran through his mind. It hurt him that she didn’t turn to look at him. She walked head held high but he knew even without super sonic vision that she was crying. He could see every tear. He knew she would never get in touch with him again and who could blame her?

He drove two hours back home to the coast of Scarborough but he wasn’t ready to face the reality of ‘home’ just yet. Come 9pm he was finally ready to face the music. When he arrived home he went straight up to the boys’ room, kissing them both gently on their heads as they slept. Louise his ever dutiful wife came in to the room but all he could think of was Chloe.

He felt sick inside. He went into law because he was a man of honour, yet he was selling his soul, for what? For a marriage that meant nothing. He had watched the girl he loved walk away from her dreams and he felt his own shatter.

HippoHead

Kooltings. I like it, miss! One thing, though - don't include speech marks around people's thoughts, just write them in italics. Dramatic, without being melodramatic.
You have my vote *waves flag*

SparkyLT

this is well-written apart from a few things (like, periods after closing quotations and few run-ons), but it's not the sort of thing I'm usually interested in. You need to hint at the genre in the title of the thread or before you jump into the story. I guess if I was smart I would have looked at the title of the book and though, Hmmm...sounds faintly romantic. But, I clicked anyway because I was interested. That's what you want, but I may have just wasted my time reading something I'm not really into. Actually, I did like it, I'm just trying to make a point. You see?
Keep writing.

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Miss_Fox

Thank you, both of you. Taking your points on board

Any comments from anyone else? xxx

Miss_Fox

Has anyone got any further comments on this? Areas where I can improve/build upon, etc...

2.0

The dialogue, both inner and vocal, seems unnatural to me. Maybe that's because I'm an American and you write how people talk in England, I don't really know.

I don't know this character but it seems to me as a professional, Mr Powell wouldn't mention anything past the official rules; talking about Mike's relationship with his wife makes it personal, and that's dangerous ground.

Relationship stuff isn't my cup, but I can say that it is a vast improvement. Keep it up =)

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spider8

I flipped through most of this. It didn't really grab me. I felt the characters were caricatured and so was the scenario, that was the main problem for me. There were a lot of small things like 'discover one another' (I would prefer 'each other') and 'apartment' instead of 'flat', the occasional spelling mistake, but too long a post for me to go further. Your prose isn't very tight I would suggest next time you post a lot less and also, as a previous poster said, explain something of the story. I think this needs a big edit and there are people on this forum who would do this for you, but not for this length of post.