Thread: End Rising

Hi Once More

Just find 'putting away childish things' a little overused, and having read your work, you can obviously come up with something far far better.

I love the strong images you paint, the line of people at the train, etc. It might pay to rearrange the odd sentence beginning with 'I' as there are rather a lot. Consider for instance - 'Getting off the train, I ...' rather than: 'I got off the train ...'

Keep up the good work.

Thanks.

You raise an interesting point. When I wrote the introduction I thought the story was going in a direction where the whole putting away childish things made sense. Looking at the characters now and the direction the story has taken , i'm not certain whether the intro fits at all. HOWEVER, I discovered that if I go back and start editing a story before its finished being written I have a harder time remembering what the story was in the first place. That being said until I reach the end, I'm not going back to the beginning. On a positive note, it feels like the characters are really moving along now and the story is probably not too far off from being complete.

I'm trying to post chapters of the work as I got along - the Break Before the Fall - is an example. Its a part of the same story, but is much further along. The main character is going through a number of adjustments in trying to - emotionally - learn how to walk again. I plan to post other sections as well and will have to note chapter numbers so that things don't get out of order.

There are probably more than the one grammatical error you noted. I found a few where I flipped back and forth between present and past tense, but hey, this is the first draft and isn't too bad for all that.

Yeah I really enjoyed this. Aside from the fact that the writing style is very realistic and natural it has some similarities to my own life, and that always tends to hook one into a story. I recently left the Puget Sound region and your description of the trip south from Seattle was making me a little homesick (boo hoo). I could tell by the descriptions of the scenery that you are familiar with that area. I wasn't there for very long but I really fell in love with that beautiful part of the country, and one of my greatest regrets is not getting out to the Olympic Penn. Eventually I will find my way back up there but it may take some time.

The story was very fluently written, so much so that I feel that you are writing from some measure of personal experience, and if not then my hat's off to you. I look forward to more.

Froman, thank you for your kind words. I am actually living in Olympia right now and - due to the current economic state - have been able to spend a good deal of time bumming around the peninsula. It is one of the most vibrant places I have ever been. the colors, the wealth of flora and range of geography is phenomenal. I'm sorry that you missed seeing it, it is definitely an incredible experience, but am glad to hear that my description struck such a chord.

i haven't no. call my un-cultured but i prefer modern literature. i find the characteristics of novels of those eras quite tedious to read. i'm studying english literature so have read a few.
unrelated, but i have found for some reason i can't reply to your email, so i'll reply on here for now i think regarding your characters it's a very good parallel how long before you post the next chapters? i want to read more!