Thread: Reprisal:A Political Thriller:By R.E.Craig - Warning: Some Language

Morrison drained the last mouthful of beer from the can , then tossed its crushed remains into the rear of the stolen Ford Capri . The clock on the dash read 11.05 pm , ten minuets fast by the Timex on Morrison's wrist . In five minuets a black London taxi would pull up outside Major Langford's Kensington apartment and take him to the U.S. Embassy in Mayfair . Or that was at least Langford's plan . But Langford could not have foreseen his death which lay only minuets ahead ! Morrison released the safety on his AK47 compact and lowered the drivers window as he saw the black taxi pull up outside Langford's apartment and blast its horn . As Langford approached the front door a huge explosion rocked the street sending him flying backwards down n the hallway ! " What the fuck ?" Langford said to himself as he picked himself up from the hallway floor , his ears ringing . He walked towards the shattered front door which was now hanging by a single hinge . " Jesus Christ ! " said Langford as he stepped out of his apartment and onto the devastated road . A little way up the street he saw the twisted and blazing remains of a Ford Capri lying on its back . The force of the blast had shattered every window on the street, curtains fluttering like ragged flags . Car alarms rang in a cacophony of confusion among the screams and moans of passers-by . Langford made for his hall and lifted the receiver on his phone . It was then that he heard it ...the familiar sound he had heard so many times before . It was the slide of an automatic pistol being drawn and released with a ' snapping ' metallic thud . The snaffled retort of a small calibre pistol rang out in the hallway , Langford falling to the floor dead...the killer picked up the spent cartridge and calmly walked out the door and onto the street . He quietly drove off in the black taxi cab he had arrived in ! .

It's the spellings that don't show on spell check that get us, only a composer would die after five minuets, and " It was then that he heart it"

Thanks Olly, I always try to correct as I am writing. I still however miss plenty of errors.
Regards Richard

Interesting, although I find that using exclamation marks makes writing seem less serious.

No worries, I can read something five times and only spot an obvious error on the sixth read, we all do it.

This caught me.
A little way up the street a twisted and smouldering Ford Capri lay burning on its back . The force of the blast had blown all the windows in
The punctuation should make it obvious it is not the capri's windows, but I would say something like "Up and down the street windows were blown in by the force of the blast and curtains flapped ...
Also, and I have no idea why, that the car lay on its back burning, rather than burning on its back. Looking at it as I wrote it I think it is because it's like "There is a burning on my back" (and nowhere else).

Thanks again Olly, I have made an effort on improving the readability and rearranged the composition as you pointed out.
Regards Richard

Good start tough. I was wondering about the capri on it back (roof?) though. A blast great enough to do such, would probably have obliterated the thing completely, which would certainly explain the blown out windows of the houses on the street, left with their cutains flapping in the cold, night wind.

Yes, quite gripping - a couple of points.

Apartments don’t normally have front doors directly onto the street. I suggest qualifying or changing it.

Why didn’t the black cab get affected by the blast?

‘Langford falling to the floor dead…’ This is present tense.

‘He quietly drove off in the black taxi cab he had arrived in ! .’ Consider using another word to ‘quietly’ or dropping altogether; London cabs emit a noisy diesel-engined, clatter.

I agree about the exclamation marks, as a general guide they are only used in dialogue. In narration you’re supposed to do without any assistance.